How do you get them to WANT to use a potty?

[bluemousemummy]

Been trying to potty train ds1 (2.7) for a week now and not really getting anywhere. Many would disagree with this I am sure but I refuse to believe that a child of this age cannot be physically ready, it is surely a case of making them want to do it, yes? I am blessed with a stubborn little sod for a son who currently sings and looks away when I try to talk to him about the potty - HOW do I get round this?? I am trying the reward chart thing because he IS capable of using the potty, sometimes unprompted if it is in full view and he is not wearing pants, but usually only when I get him to sit on it with the promise of a sticker.

I am surprising myself at how badly I am coping with all this actually.. I have a 5 month old baby as well so cannot devote myself 100% to potty training. Trying very hard not to get stressed/negative/angry but not doing very well....

would he use the big toilet instead of the potty? DS never really used the potty although would pee in it if he was standing and I held the potty under his willy. He trained around the age of 2 and was standing for wees by your lo's age. (he is 2.10 years now). He never pooed on the potty either as he ended up using the toilet instead.

Not sure it would make much difference to be honest. He just doesn't seem to want to do it. The more I think about it, the more it seems mental to wait until they are well over the age of 2, and therefore well into tantrum/negative/uncooperative behaviour to try to potty train. Having said that, we couldn't really have done it any differently cos of having new baby/house move/holidays etc etc....

Do I keep on putting him on the potty every 30 minutes then? Or throw in the towel? I HATE this whole process. Sorry for rant. Just so bloody

Hi Bluemousemummy. Try to relax! Potty training can take a long time. I guess you were hoping for a quick result given your child's age. Its great that your ds will use the potty sometimes, especially unprompted. That sounds like real progress to me!

I don't have much experience of "conventional" potty training, my ds is only 18 months, but we have been ECing since birth, but maybe my rather different experience can still be of help. In my experience, putting a child (of any age) on the potty every 30 minutes is going to result in a very annoyed child, and is not going to aid your cause. Even a 7 month child will start refusing the potty on those grounds. Instead you could try an EC style approach, even though you child is older. This means:

• accidents get dealt with without blame. ds can help clear up the mess, and you can explain gently that pee and poo goes into the toilet. Try not to stress about wee. If ds is healthy, it is actually sterile when produced. We tend to think of it as sooo yucky, but really, it's not so bad.

• Try to spot patterns in when your ds goes, and suggest using the potty at appropriate times. After waking, maybe a certain time after eating/drinking, or perhaps at certain times of the day.

• try to spot your child's behavior when he needs to go. Maybe there are some subtle signs that you can use to know when he needs to go.

-Don't force or bribe. You can encourage. For instance, get him a book to read while he sits, or sit his teddy on the potty first. If he really doesn't want to, that is OK. How would you feel if someone interrupted your activities to make you go and sit on the toilet when you didn't even need to?

• Don't go too mad with the praise. This is his journey, and he will appreciate doing the right thing for his own reasons. Personally, I find the idea of a reward chart condescending, but if it works for you then go for it.

I agree with you, older than 2 years seems too late to start -- despite the standard advice. Your ds has just spent 2 and a half years learning that his nappy is the normal place to go! Have you considered trying EC with your 5 monther (even if only at nappy change)? Perhaps your "big boy" could help potty the little one.

If you are interested, search for Elimination communication, or infant potty training or natural infant hygiene. Or try www.diaperfreebaby.org for starters.

Am slightly ashamed to post after scruffygeek's approach but for our DS the answer was bribery with chocolate buttons.

LOL! That's made my day! But seriously, I didn't mean to make anyone ashamed. I haven't even had the pleasure of parenting a two year old yet. I'm just in the mood to champion EC at the moment. After lots of ups and downs my ds in now doing stand up pees into a potty. He often does a little warning shot on the floor (or me) and then runs for the potty. Yesterday, he had two potties to hand so he did one squirt in one, and then ran across the room to finish in the other. Not bad at 18, oh no 19 now, months.

Do you need to try as often as every 30 minutes? What about first thing in the morning, after breakfast, mid morning, after lunch, mid afeternoon, after supper and before bed. Look out for signs that he needs the loo between times. Praise when he uses the toilet, get him to help clean up if ther are any accidents.

Agree with those who say thay think the modern trend towards late potty-training is unhelpful. I know lots of people say children will potty train quickly when they're "ready" but, from what I have observed in RL, the later people start potty traiang, the longer and more stressful the whole thing seesm to become.

My dd1 was physically ready before she was mentally prepared to potty train. Like your son if you mentioned potties she would pretend not to hear you or change the subject. Without nappies on she would hold on (and on and on) until finally doing very big wees on the floor. So I put her back in nappies. One day she got up and said she was going to potty train today and never needed a nappy during the day again (or night for a while).

If your son is subborn it may be that he wants to think that it is his idea. It is hard not to get stressed and angry with them wetting themselves when you know they are capable. That is why I put dd1 back in nappies but I used cloth ones so it wasn't costing me anything.

My Wee Friend potty stickers are a superb incentive! They are black round stickers which stick to the bottom of the potty. When they are warmed with wee, they turn magically into a picture - there are all sorts of motifs to choose from - car, smiley face, animal face, caterpillar etc. When they cool they turn black again, read for next time. Just clean the potty as usual. I know of loads of people who've had the same problem, and these have worked for them!

Bribe with smarties?