reins for toddlers - acceptable or not?

[itsalwaysthequietones]

DD is 19 months, we live in central london by lots of busy roads. She doesn't like being in the pram for any length of time but is also reluctant to hold hands. At the moment I take the 'if you won't hold mummy's hand you have to go in the pram' approach, which means she's in and out of the pram every few minuts. I wondered about reins because I'd like to be able to walk more with her but am scared about her wriggling away and running into the road.

But not quite sure about the idea of having her on what is essentially a lead. What are your thoughts/experiences?

misscreosote - am tempted to try it myself today, it's one of those days where they're going in opposite directions, one drawing all over the house, one trying to pull a plant on his head and nobody co-operating with us getting out of the house!

Could do with a tot of whisky in my own milk today...

DS has reins and the littlelife backpac and if we are out he always has one or the other on. I usually tuck the 'lead' part into the top and he holds my hand but it means if he slips out I have something easy to grab hold of!

Ok. I'm very firmly middle class, live in Surrey, not on a council estate (have I missed anything?) and I really don't understand why someone wouldn't use reins.

ALthough, someone did mutter something once about them making children like dogs. I gave him a Hard Stare and asked him if he was implying that my child looked like a dog. He quailed and quivered under my manic gaze and said no. SO, no argument there then.

Reins essential for wriggly and stroppy toddler in central London, IMO; and DD loves her rucksack - I think that it helps that I have one as well(admittedly without the reins).

Another benefit of rucksack; keeps DD quiet for minutes at a time when trying to do it up herself...

I used to think along the 'they make children look like dogs on a lead' line when I only had DS, who was the most placid, laid-back chilled out child you could imagine. He would always hold hands with no fuss, never tried to run off or anything, so I assumed reins were unnecessary.

Now I have toddler DD, who is a livewire who doesn't appreciate holding hands and wants to dash off and explore everything, I'm so seeing the sense of them. DP still hates them but I'm considering getting some for her anyway.

Reins are fine its those wrist straps that I dislike.

I am a Times reading, Boden wearing (OK that bit is not true but you get the idea), Middle Class gal of Surrey and I declare reins are fine. My DD was a runner and without them I am in doubt she would have been run over.

She also had a dummy.

Do I care?

No. Its all about doing whats right for you and your child.

We did reins when DS was first walking, and then he twigged that it was far more fun to swing around on them with his feet off the ground, (or worse, run at high speed then launch himself forwards, which was not fun for the shoulder joint of the person who was responsible for stopping him headbutting the pavement - usually mine). We swapped to using one of the backpacks, which he doesn't seem to notice as much as reins, and which doesn't allow the whole flying toddler experience. The only times he doesn't have it on are in the park, or when I am holding his hand. As other people have said, I figure I would rather put up with looks from people than risk something happening to DS. (And I've had lots of comments from older people about how nice it is to see one on reins, and how they can't understand why there aren't more people using them).

I bought a bee back pack for my busy, running around, especially near busy roads DS and yes I would class myself as middle class

I'm a middle class parent, and I would rather my child was on reins than under a car.

I have a fast running toddler who disregards the word stop, and I don't have eyes in the back of my head!

Sorry, been away for a few hours.

OK, I now completely realise that 'acceptable' was deeeefinitely the wrong word. Anyone new to this thread please mentally replace it with 'sensible', 'practical', 'useful', 'a waste of money' or any other adjective without any class implications!

That said, many thanks to you all for the v helpful comments. I've just ordered a backpack/reins combo and am looking forward to doing far more walking with DD.

Interesting discussion - have been musing about this myself recently. Personally I could not imagine using them, although I do see everybody's point re safety etc. The reason - well, no practical reason whatsoever. To me, it is to do with the child's dignity. It may be a cultural thing...I'm from continental Europe, and had never seen children on leashes until I got here to the UK. To me, this is taking a lot getting used to. When I have friends from home coming over to visit, they tend to remark on this as well. Mmmhhh. Pls don't get me wrong - I love this country, feel at home here and in many ways it's a great place to bring up children. Just find it puzzling that the concept of children's dignity hasn't come up in this thread yet at all.

Yes, of course safety is extremely important. Sorry to ramble, just thinking aloud here....But let's say you are taking your agile but dementia-suffering granny for a walk. Would you put her on a leash?? If not, why? That's where the issue of dignity comes in. Why should children not be afforded the same dignity and respect with which you would treat other persons needing care (elderly, people with learning difficulties etc.).

Sorry about the ramble. This is not meant as a criticism of anyone using a leash; I'm just genuinely interested in how others feel about the dignity thing.

muffins - hurray, that's the first reason I've seen someone put forward for not using them. It doesn't work for me though; I'll take live on a lead over dead and dignified any day.

Interesting point re the granny scenario - only I wouldn't take two bonkers grannies out at the same time on my own, but I do have to manage two very young children, so I'm not coming over to the other side on this one.

Do more kids get squashed where you are from? I'm just interested in why/how people manage not using them if they have the sort of child that sprints off...

If I was taking out an older person who needed care, I would be in sole charge of them. I don't have that luxury with my ds, so whenever we go out I need the reins as I can't sprint after him with dd in the pram.

If we go out for a walk just the two of us, I almost never use reins.

I think that reins sound like a great idea I am certainly going to use them. Whatever damage I might to dd emotionally or whatever bollocks will be counteracted by the fact that I will not have a squashed child on my hands.

Muffins - I'm not sure I see why using reins equates with a loss of dignity or treating the children without respect though? It would only be undignified if you were actually tying them up with the reins! If the purpose of using reins (apart from the safety issue) is to give them more roaming ability than they would have if they were being dragged around by the hand, then surely that is actually treating the children with more dignity/respect, as you are trying to give them more freedom?

My old granny can't run very fast so I definately would not need reins with her!

i think middle class parents are more likely to use them. more often the toddlers running into the road whilst there parents walk about 20 feet behind are the ones holding greggs sausage rolls or fruit shoots ime.

Muffins, do you not put an able to walk child in the pram to keep them safe? Surely if it's a dignity thing then if they are able to walk then they should never be strapped in a pram? What about insisting on hand holding?

Having had 3 children under 5 were the middle one would bite me to try and get away from me, reins were really my only option. Both my eldest and my youngest learned well the message of walking beside me. My middle child is still a wild one who has needed various visits to casualty. She is 3 yet has already broken a finger, had 3 black eyes and some stiches on her eye. Doesn't stop her constantly climbing, swinging and running off.

If I had not had reins, I'm convinced she would not be here now. I only stopped using them because she learned how to unclip them.

The cultural difference thing is probably why I find piecing children's ears abhorent though.

Oh and there's no way my Granny could have bolted anywhere near as quickly as my daughter!

oh dear, just trying to rid myself of that mental image of bolting grannies :-)

Well, as I said I can see where you are coming from safety wise, and I'm really not judging anyone using reins in busy areas even though I wouldn't do this myself. Obviously all of us will take whatever acceptable measure it takes to keep our kiddies safe. Reins seem to be more socially accepted in this country than in others, and your posts show that over here, fewer people would associate reins with a loss of dignity.

Misscreosote and myredcardigan- good questions! I guess I too am culturally biased. In principle I agree that giving them more roaming ability has got to be a good thing. But - handholding and (to a lesser extent) strapping an able child in a pushchair is common practice all over Europe, whereas up until recently I always associated reins/leashes with animals. So if reins have been around for a long time in the UK (don't know - have they?), then I guess that's why nobody here 'gets' what on earth I am on about.

Mrs Fawlty - I don't think more children get squashed where I come from. I'm half Danish half German. Grew up in a largish town in Germany with plenty of traffic, and two little sisters. I'll ask my mum how she managed to keep us alive. As far as I recall it was a mixture of handholding, buggy'ing and nonstop vigilance. Can't have been much fun though I must admit.

Poshsinglemum - I didn't actually imply in my post that using reins would automatically cause children emotional damage. A loss of dignity wouldn't necessarily be felt by the children. I don't think young children have a great sense of dignity - this doesn't mean they don't have dignity though.

Tricky to explain as it's such an abstract concept! Waffle aside, perhaps reins would be more palatable to those of us concerned about children's dignity if they were a little less 'leash like'. E.g. if parent and child were tied together at the waist by attaching the rein to their belts.

Just to follow up on the granny question - even if you don't have two bonkers grannies to walk yourselves, wouldn't you find it at least slightly disturbing to see someone else walking around with an adult on reins? E.g. a carer accompanying a couple of adults with learning disabilities. Hands on heart - would you find this acceptable or not, and if not, why?

I use reins, am middle class and southen. But I don't see many people using them locally.

When I brought them the shop assistant remarked 'lead and collar?' A friend was telling me how her toddler nearly ran under a bus, a stranger grabbed him, and I said gosh time for reins to be told - I'd rather avoid them.

DD is fairly happy to have them, prefers them to hand holding, although she does try to grab them from me sometimes!

But...just because the strapping into the pram is common practice does that make it any less of a 'reining device'? You are, after all, keeping straps on a child for their own safety. In fact, with a pram, you are also strapping the child in for your own convenience as well as for their own safety. What does that say?

As I said, getting 3 children under 5 from A to B on my own when one has no sense of fear or danger is no easy task. I'm not sure that having her strapped into a double buggy with her little sister would have given her more dignity.

But it's all personal choice.

I use reins, have a runner of 19 months and ds2 would have come a cropper a few times without them.

By using reins it doesnt mean you have to use them all the time, neither does it mean when they have them on they are tightly restricted at all times either.

I dont give a fig what others think of me using them, they help keep him safe and that imo is what is important.