Loving babywearing but having a tough patch at 6 weeks. Some moral support needed!

[roseability]

My DD is 6 weeks and won't go into a deep/long sleep during the day. I use a sling when out and about and in the house when I need to get things done or she is unsettled. Of course she sleeps beautifully in this! But I find it tough that she won't be laid down for a sleep ever. Purely because I have a three year old, with whom I want to spend some quality time.

I do remember my DS going through this phase and wanted to baby wear this time. I am babywearing for good chunks of each day but I crave a wee break.

Am wrong to feel this? Some moral support would be nice as I know this is just a phase that will pass!

For those of you that babywear, did you do it all the time? Until they could crawl?

Good grief woman put the baby down for a nap and give yourself a break!

My DD is 7 weeks old (our first baby) and until the last week or so, would not settle at all during the day. I can't wear a sling because it gives me really bad backache so I really felt shattered and useless through the day as I felt that I should be cleaning, ironing etc while DH was at work.

I got used to getting short bursts of free time (usually 10-20 minutes at a time) after DD would fall asleep on me and not realise that I'd put her down!

Over the last week, the time got longer and I'd walk back into the room and she would be awake but not grizzling at all!

So, you're right, it does pass and it was very quick for us.

I know this isn't offering advice, but I second Mumblechum, just give yourself a break!!

xxx

I agree with Dawn (HELLOOOOOO DAWN I MISSYOU FROM TTC THREAD XXXXX)persitance is key. My little un used to hate being put down and she still only sleeps a little during the day. But I have found distracting her works wonders - her baby gym often allows her to fall asleep on the floor (and she gets to pretend she wasnt really sleeping by kicking and waving madly when she wakes up- v funny)

I also third Mumblechum - give yourself a break!!!!

i have found that sticking baby in the pram, walking about for 5 mins, settled mine off a dream. parked the pram and had at least an hours peace and quiet!

I babywear most of the time....

Have DD (4) and DS (3 months). DS won't be put down for a sleep. I'm OK with this and find it easier to just keep him in the sling and concentrate on DD. Sometimes I can lie him down once he's gone into deep sleep but more often than not I don't bother because he's liable to wake up and be grumpy so it feels easier just to keep him on me. I have never minded the weight for some reason, though sometimes I do feel a bit restricted in what I can do.

I guess that, as you say, it might be a phase that passes and she will get better at being put down.

If not, and if you still want to babywear rather than nap train etc, then you might find that you get more 'breaks' as she is awake more? My DS likes sitting in his bumbo seat for up to an hour these days. We just ate lunch like this actually, with him on the table. So it's not the whole day in the sling any more.

I carried DD until she was 2, but not all day obviously and of course it's easier with just the one.

Not sure if that's the support you are looking for really?

hi,

I was having the same problem with my 5 week old, I also have a toddler so was desperate for some hands free time. I had been swaddling with a cellular blanket, but she is such a big baby she wriggles free. Anyway yesterday I bought a proper swaddling blanket from mothercare and so far fingers crossed it has worked a treat. She had 1.5 hrs in her moses basket yesterday afternoon and 2.5 hrs today - result! Also she slept for a 5 hour stretch last night for the first time. I feel like a new woman. Its worth a try....

Like you, I tried to lay my second one down to have 'one to one' time with my older kid (then 2 years old). But when I had managed to put baby to sleep in the sling and put her on the sofa, he'd always go over and wake her (It's just dead interesting to do something that gets mama really really upset).

So I stopped trying to put her down and just played with older kid whilst baby was sleeping in the sling. When we're indoors that was ok, and he seemed to be pretty good at ignoring the sleeping baby. What he really needs is your attention. And when you go out baby can nap in the pram and you can do more physical activities with your son.

What's babywearing?

I am another one to say put her downand have a break! It has to be good for the mother too, and a rested mother is a better mother. I would leave her with DP or grandparents and have a good sleep or even go out. You have to think of your older DC too-they must want some tome to themselves without the sibling.

BoF As Loopy says, babywearing uses a sling. Babywearers don't really like carriers like the Baby Bjorn. A sling holds the baby in a 'froggy leg' position close to the mum's body. Using a Bjorn (aka the crotch-dangler) the little legs wobble around and the spine is not supported.

It might work if you have only one baby but it is very unfair on other DCs-they never get their mother to themselves.

dd (now 5 months) would only nap in her sling when she was really little which was ok with me as I had a comfy sling and wasn't trying to do too much (couldn't run around with ds but ok for playing games, going to the park etc). when she got to three months I was starting to find her a bit heavy plus she stopped sleeping so soundly in the sling and would wake up after half an hour or so which was making her grumpy. so starting trying to put her down for naps. I used the Baby Whisperer's pick up/ put down technique which really worked without causing a lot of crying. Also used lots of tips from the No-Cry Sleep/ Nap Solution books which are lovely. at first she would only do short naps but they've gradually got longer and now she smiles (gasp!) when I put her in her cot for a nap and she takes 3 naps a day, one of them of about 2.5 hours!! She still loves the sling but we mostly use it for going out and about. so I would say just go with it for now but maybe have a think about how you can make the transition to her napping in her cot and work towards that. As she gets older she will get much more interested in whats going on so will be happier to sit/ lie and watch things which is easier for you too.

You could try a bean bag. I had one with a fleecy blanket on it. I used to take off my coorie sling and gently wodge dd2 into the bean bag in a week attempt to replicate sling squished ness. She slept really well!

What sort of sling are you using? DD2 was like this, I used to carry her in a RS until she was snoozing and then loosen it, slip it over my head and lie her down in a buggy/pram/cot still in it with it lying over her. Once she hit about 4 or 5 months she wouldn't do this and had to be laid down awake but woujld happily get herself to sleep, she is a brilliant sleeper now at 1.10, nothing like her older sister

DD1 didn't like it if I had her in a FCC (she was only 20 months when DD2 was born) so I learnt the under arm swing quite early, again, in a one shoulder carry you sliiiide them under your arm round to your back, not great for walking arounf lots, but ok for playing/ sitting on the floor with smaller one/cooking.

If you havbe a woven stat practisign back carries, they are a life saver.

I can see the point of that, but I still think you need a break! Leave DP with the sling and go out with older DC on your own-I can see it being a real cause of jealousy if they never get you alone.

I also think about what it teaches the older child if the baby is left to cry (as some people have suggested I should do)?

DH will babywear at the weekends and I get some time with him. I also read his bedtime stories and bath him a lot of nights (my DH likes to cook)

I don't think that you need to leave the baby to cry, but you do need a break and your other DC needs attention without the baby always being attached-he is a baby himself really. If the baby is asleep you could put her down until she wakes up and she will gradually get used to it. Try putting her down when she is happy and awake.

But Pisces, I think the OP says that her baby won't be laid down for a sleep ever...

both mine have been rubbish sleepers and it's a real dilemma here....I carry DS in a sling for all naps as I posted above. If I put him down when asleep then I might get 20 mins max quality time with DD (more usually 5 mins) until he wakes up, but he's then liable to be grumpy. If I put him down happy and awake he would most definitely not go to sleep by himself. He would start to cry and then scream hysterically.

Obviously, the ideal scenario would be to spend 10 mins or so settling baby to sleep somewhere comfy and then get quality time with your older one. But what do you do if your baby really struggles to get to sleep and stay asleep and the only thing that works is a sling? You end up just using the sling the whole day I guess.. That's what I think the OP is about.

I do think DD is sometimes a bit resentful of the fact that DS is strapped to me the whole time and I do worry about that, but I'm not sure of the solution - don't want to leave DS to cry and yes, I am completely sure that he would not settle himself after a few minutes of grumbling.

My DD starts full-time nursery in Sep so I'll have the luxury of spending daytimes trying to get DS to nap a bit better. Or mastering the dark art of back carries...

nomoresleep, my DD will only sleep for 20 minutes maximum! My DS was the same as a baby but did eventually learn to do a long nap after lunch independently in his cot. They do get there and my DD is only 7 weeks old.

I don't carry her all day. I do try to put her down for a nap every day. If it works great, if not I refuse to get stressed like I did with DS. Trying and trying endlessly to get him to sleep for more than 20 minutes. If I could leave her to cry I would, but I just can't do it. She will spend short periods awake and happy under a mobile or in her bouncy chair and I spend time with DS but she won't fall asleep like that. Also she needs stimulation and human company aswell. Babies like to be talked to!

It is hard but I know it will get easier in such a short time. Soon she will be napping independently and sitting up wanting to join in the fun. I adore my DS and do let him know this every day

Roseability, dd is 8 months and I wear her to sleep for her naps and bedtime. But since she was 4 months I've been able to transfer her easily to her cot once she's asleep. I love babywearing but the period of wearing her almost all the time is over - and it feels like it has passed very quickly. She's crawling around happily while she's awake, wanting very little attention and I just carry her when we're out or going to sleep. I think I started back carries around 3 months - but dd had very good head control then.

Pisces, I didn't feel like I needed a break. My ds is so demanding of attention I felt that the least I could give dd was that contact and comfort. I don't like leaving my babies to whinge, let alone cry, so if I didn't babywear it would have been very to give ds attention if I was tring to settle dd without babywearing. The few times I did try to get her to sleep without the sling I ended up getting very annoyed with ds because he made it impossible by being so noisy - yelling 'wake up baby!'. The sling is much better for all of us.

tryingtoleave - your post has been so reassuring to me. I just feel my baby is important too, and like you said, deserves comfort and human contact. I am so sick of hearing stories about how people left the baby crying so they could give the eldest attention. Like you, I find if I am rocking a pram for ages my DS is actually getting less attention! Lucky for those mothers who can just lay their baby down to sleep!

It won't be long before I can leave DD with others i.e. when she is weaning and BF less and I will have real fun and quality time with DS. He is such a loving little boy and so nice to his baby sister. Although he does get jealous (understandably) he is adjusting nicely I think. He knows he is still my special little boy