moving dd to her own room?

[GYo]

hi,
I know the guidelines state to keep baby in parents room until 6months but I suspect many people do it way before that. My dd is 4 month /18wks and whilst ive got an irrational fear of cot death ( family history of child dying in sleep) I'm not sure I can take the effect having dd in our room is having anymore. As she wakes at night, I'm tired so go to bed early when DH isn't so he stays up and watches tv and usually falls asleep n sofa. So we rarely sleep in same bed. This wasn't problem at first but as time goes on my rship with him has detriorated.

I'm also wondering if she will sleep better in cot rather than crib now.

Feeling desperate tonight as I feed in bed alone while he is downstairs on sofa with tv on but probably asleep.

Shall I move her? What about the risk?

Hi GYo, sorry to hear things not going to well at the mo. I cosleep with my baby but do have quite a few friends who moved their little ones out before 6 months and they all seem to be thriving.... maybe you could get a sensor monitor if you're worried about cot death it goes of if baby doesn't move for 40(? i think) seconds.
Not sure how this will really solve your problems tho...??
Is what you really need to actually have chat with your husband? If he's sleeping on the sofa is it because he's feeling pushed out of your relationship?
Maybe you could have a nap in the day with baby so that you could stay up a little longer in eve....? Maybe you both need to spend a little time on your own together.
It is knackering having a baby but worth it!
Sorry I can't be more helpful but hope things get better in time.

Your DD is exactly the same age as my DS and I am having the same thoughts.

He is sleeping in his cot in our room because he got too big for the crib about 3-weeks ago. DH not a happy chap having to dismantle the cot at my request and move it into the bedroom!

I too have an irrational fear of cot death but as pointed out on Mumsnet, I don't stay up all night and watch him, I wouldn't know if he stopped breathing until morning anyway. My DS was in hospital when he was 3-days old for 3 days and was placed on a breathing monitor, a flat sheet they lie on. He was 3-days old, hardly able to move and still managed to wriggle off it every 5-minutes, in the end I turned it off, I was sleeping in the same hospital room. They have a piercing beep that wakes up the baby and they go off at the slightest wriggle off to the side.

The other babies I know are 50/50 in their nurseries and in their parents rooms. My DS still wakes twice in the night at 2.30/4.30, so I am roughly thinking when this goes down to once I will move him to his own room. It is hard and as much about my attachment as his independence.

Thanks for your replies. Good to know Im not the only one going by the guidelines.

I've heard that the presence of an adult/ parent breathing in the same room as the child helps to regulate their breathing hence reducing the risk- but I dont know if its true or not.

Think I am just feeling deflated as DD did a night of 7-7 a couple of weeks back and since then has slept worse than ever- its frustrating as I know she can do it. Not sure being in her own room will help really though a few people I know have had success with this.

Will chat with DH again to see what he thinks. He often worries about disturbing me when he comes to bed as he doesnt want me woken up any more than i have to be.

I don't know about breathing either. I know when DS was sick early on and I coslept he seemed to sleep better for a while. When I am trying to get him to wind down, putting him on my chest helps but as for whether it helps him in our room, I don't know. It seems difficult to believe unless you are cosleeping.

DS did 7pm to 4.30am at the weekend, but not since. Feeling the frustration, so close and yet so far...

We put DD in her own room at 5 months as she outgrew her crib and there was no room in our bedroom for her cot.

We did have one of those sensor monitors though which did give us peace of mind.

Turtleann-

have your tried the dream feed?

We did but it seemed makes things worse and certainly didnt stop her waking. A friend says you need to perserve and then not feed during the night, so I am going to try that next.

Girls- does the sensor go off incorrectly? Like a dodgy car alarm?

My ds is 16wks and I'm thinking about moving him to his own room in a few weeks as he's almost outgrown the carrycot he currently sleeps in and don't think my dh would be happy to move the cot into our room for just a month or so! Tbh the guidelines are just that - guidelines and it's not as if the risk of cot death suddenly vanishes at the magic age of 6mths. My mum nearly lost me at the age of 18mths to a cot death, she just heard a tiny strange noise on the baby monitor, went to see me and I was blue and not breathing with a v high temp. So we of course have a baby monitor and that is the main thing - as long as you will hear your baby if she makes a noise then I can't see that it makes a great deal of difference whether she is in your room or not but it is clearly affecting your relationship with your dp and that must be an important consideration. I've also heard that if you keep babies in your room for too long then they became too accustomed to the sounds of you and then it's a real battle to get them to sleep in their own room.

I tried the dream feed, it made things worse, waking 3/4 times

Hi there,

I know people will think this is probably wrong, but we moved our DD into her own room last week and she's only 7 weeks old.

The problem was that I am a very light sleeper and whenever DD moved in her basket, I woke up. Then I moved in bed, which is a noisy bed, and I'd wake her up.

So a week ago we moved her into her own room and bought a video monitor which is next to my side of the bed. If she wakes up, not only can I hear her, but I can see her aswell. The camera is so good that if I wake randomly in the night, I can sit and watch her bed clothes going up and down with her breathing, so I know that she's Ok.

Since we moved her into her own room, she's slept through the night! Pretty good for a 7 week old baby. She goes to bed at 9pm and wakes up between 6am and 7am in the morning.

I think if a baby should, God forbid, die of cotdeath, nothing you can do would stop it. If you were a really heavy sleeper how would you know it had happened, even if they were in your room?

Anyway, that's our situation. I don't know if it helps or not...

No comment really, I just wanted to say I don't think you are wrong DawnAS. I love the idea of video monitoring, but I wouldn't get a wink of sleep for watching!
There aren't any right or wrongs, just opinions, advice, facts and support.

Hi-
Thanks Dawn, good to hear your experience. As TurtleAnn says there is no right and wrong.

I too love the idea of the video monitor... its got me looking at them on amazon now