help my son is refusing to go to the playscheme

[lostitoday]

Hi
I have got him booked onto a playscheme for odd days over the holiday.
I figured that it would do him good to get away from the house and do something fun.
We don,t have a ready supply of playmates.
He is here this morning refusing to go and completlely stressing me out pleading with me not to go.
He is now crying because I have snapped at him.
He is 8 and I know his problem is that he is worried because he doesn,t know anyone and feels shy.
However I have had this before with him and once he has been he has been fine.
Am I cruel to make him go.

Can you compromise? Take him, stay on the sidelines for a bit while he sees what is what, and see how he feels then?

I would have been the same at 8. Strange kids, unknown horrors, disaster, embarrassment, aargh!

Does he really not know anyone who's going to be there? Is it the same one he's tried in a previous holiday? I'm just wondering if he'd respond to being told he'll be one of the more experienced ones, and he could help show some of the smaller ones round/help the leaders with snacks.

I say make him go. Not cruel.

It's hard for some kids to learn the 'tools' needed to sail through life, enjoying social occasions not dreading them, making small talk, making friends... explain to him that if he sees the first day as an investment, 'work' even, and makes the effort to chat to people even tho it's hard, then the next day will be less hard. the next day might be fun. the last day great fun.

My brothers were like this. They had to be trained to be socialise.

How far into the holidays are you? My boys break up today and won't want to do anything organised for a good week or so plus, I'd guess. They are bored of school type routine and want unregimented, unstructured chill time. Maybe your son wants some of that too? I would make him go if you need childcare or if he's stir crazy after a few weeks of summer but if you're not at that point yet I'd let him relax at home for a little bit longer, personally.

Sorry I have not been back I have had a truly horrendous time with him all morning. he is crying his eyes out saying he doesn,t want to go and has said he is scared.
I don,t want him or me to give in on that basis and I really want him to try these things to try and drum his shyness out of him.
He is asking me why I want him to go as he is happy here at home and I suppose he has a valid point there, but I just want him to do a bit of socialising really I am sure it can only be good for him.

I don't think the socialising with a bunch of kids he will probably never meet again is of much value.

Perhaps find a better scheme with an exciting activity that he realy wants to do.

Awww! Poor both of you. I think this would be "Let's start the day again," scenario in our house. Why don't you have a big hug and make up and leave it for the moment? Do something else for today and say how glad you are to spend some time with him but tell him that he will have to choose some form of activity with other kids later in the holidays? Unless you're in Scotland it must be v early days holiday wise, isn't it? I know you are worried about his shyness and I do sympathise- one of mine needs a push to socialise sometimes too- but I think a gentler, slower approach might be more successful and easier on you both, perhaps. Good luck, anyway. Hope the day gets better.

Let him stay home. I am painfully shy and would have hated being abandonded at a playscheme and forced to partake in stupid games. Some people just don't make friends easily or even want to be sociable and confident.

I like scummy's approach . ds is often like this when he has to enter an unknown group even somewhere he has been before. However if the things on offer are sufficiently distracting and fun he has a good time. Will he definitely not know anyone, even slightly ?

well I managed to get him into the car to go and when I got there he refused to go in.
I went and explained the situation to one of the playscheme staff and they came out to him and persuaded him to go in.
They asked him what school he was from and explained that they have children from his school there, they showed him the list to see if he recognised anyone and a boy out of his class was there.
Oh and he loved it there and can,t wait to go tomorrow now.
I think I did the right thing making him go although I can understand why he was nervous I would be too as I am painfully shy but I don,t want my son to be like me.