Potty training to a timer - someone help me get my head round it please!!!

[Hawkmoth]

I potty trained DD by leaving potty round house and she just started using it, then asking to go. Really I was very lucky with how well it went.

DSD (6mo older than DD was) is apparently fully toilet trained at nursery and mostly dry at her mothers... but she gets taken and put on the toilet. I suppose that's part of routine at nursery, but her mum sets a timer.

I just don't get it! I suppose results-wise and for convenience at nursery it would suit, but the poor girl doesn't have a clue about if she need the toilet or not. DP took her up, then fifteen minutes later she wet everywhere, despite there being a potty ready to use. She then wet another three times in a couple of hours, despite being asked and having a potty available at all times.

She also is witholding her poo, and will not go on toilet or potty. This is to the point where she will cry on there if you ask her if she needs a poo, and she is having lactulose on a semi-regular basis.

What's gone wrong, and what can be done? Do we do the same thing and take her to toilet every hour? If so, how long will that take for her to realise what her body is telling her?

We have her from Friday night to Wednesday afternoon this week, and that seems like a good window to try something.

I would stick to what her mother and nursery are doing because some children respond very poorly to change. My friend was trying to potty train her DD at the time her DD's "sperm donor" decided to exercise visitation rights (for his parents) on the child he didn't know. Her DD was perfectly potty trained on a Monday and Tuesday, would wet with her GP on a Wednesday, continuously wet on a Thursday back with her mum, be dry again on a Friday, wet with her GP on a Saturday, continuously wet on a Sunday when back with her mum... you get the picture. My friend just moved away. Everyone was happier.

What about the poo issues? Is it just a passing phase? I'm not happy about medicating her, yet she's in obvious discomfort - not just here.

How does the timer thing work in terms of her response? Will she eventually start asking to go?

Her mum has only just started training at home - last week. She was having her in nappies with knickers on top and only the nursery were doing anything. I had thought that was where the problem stemmed from, but now I'm not sure.

Is every hour too frequent to be taken? She's also tending towards refusing drinks, which my DD did for a time when not wanting to wee.

Yes, she will eventually take responsibility for toileting herself. We took our DS regularly, not on a schedule, just as and when we remembered and then he went through a very independent phase and we encouraged him to do his toileting himself. We did first thing on waking, before leaving the house, upon returning home, and whenever we see a thirsty patch of grass etc. After meals is another good time, and half an hour after having a drink. If he hesitated about going, I'd suggest he take his Lamb for a wee, which always worked. "Can you see if you can wee on that leaf" still works.

If she's crying when she needs to poo she needs medication. Poo withholding is common and it can lead to a vicious circle of constipation. Instead of giving her drinks, if she doesn't want them, you can give her yoghurt, custard, watermelon, etc. which are mostly liquid.

Good luck!

Thanks

Today she came and asked to go for a wee. Her mother said that actually asking to go has only started this week! Looks like we might get the easy end of the process!!!

She did poo in the nappy she arrived in though. At least now we know we're not the ball and chain of the 'operation' we can be a bit more relaxed about getting on with it!

You reminded me of my DD taking her doll to the toilet! Sadly doll would often wee first and DD would go on the rug!