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Original poster

DS1 potty trained at home, but freaking out at nursery...

21 replies

Wilkiepedia · 07/07/2009 21:41

Has been dry at home with no accidents since Thurs. Asks for a wee and uses potty no problems.

Went to nursery in pants on Monday and apparently absolutely FREAKED out when they tried to get him to wee on the potty. He wouldn't go on the potty, wouldn't go on the toilet, wet himself and got really really upset and kept asking for a nappy. In the end, his keyworker got upset as he was so upset so she put him back in a nappy towards the end of the day. She explaiend it all to me, I was happy with what they were doing, not pushy, gently reminding about going for a wee etc so no pressures from them for him. He got home and promptly asked for his pants and then did a wee on the potty at home.

Apparently he is so worked up that he won't even go in the bathroom at nursery to wash his hands before tea?!?!?!!

Same again today at nursery and ended up in a nappy - asked again for pants when he got home.

I asked him why he wouldn't wee at nursery and he just said 'Don't want to wee at nursery'.

ANy ideas?! Me and nursery are totally stumped.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

bigchris · 07/07/2009 21:43

could you stay with him there for a bit? show him the potty and sink etc
how old is he?

blowninonabreeze · 07/07/2009 21:48

I'd be tempted to back off completely at nursery, ask them not to mention it, just change nappies as per usual.

Continue at home and allow him to consolodate what he's learning. Don't make a big deal out of the nursery thing. In a few weeks time I'd ask again, see if he's ready.

Last thing you want is to make a big deal of it and him anxious. It always takes longer out of the home apparently

Sparklytwinkletoes · 07/07/2009 21:50

Just a thought, but is it less 'private' at nursery when he goes to the bathroom?

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Original poster

Wilkiepedia · 07/07/2009 21:51

Bigchris - he is 2.5 years. Have waited until he is absolutely ready. Home has been a doddle so thought nursery would be the same.

Blowinonabreeze - hmm, I think I agree with you. Keyworker said he is almost phobic about it at nursery. She did suggest taking his own potty in tomorrow to see if that makes a difference. When I suggested that to him he said he would like to do that (BTW just for background - he is really articulate for his age, like conversing with a 3-4 year old so easy to forget how young he is)

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Original poster

Wilkiepedia · 07/07/2009 21:52

Sparkly - no, they have a little private bathroom with a toddler loo and potty in there. Only him in there. He's fine at nappy change time etc so no issues with personal space. It is always his keyworker who takes him - she is middle aged, lovely lovely lady who he loves.

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blowninonabreeze · 07/07/2009 21:54

before we started training with DD1, nursery used to take her and another about to start to the toilet with one of the toilet trained ones (does that make sense?) I assuming there was no stage fright

Any chance nursery could buddy him up with another child, not to do anything just to observe.

Original poster

Wilkiepedia · 07/07/2009 21:57

They tried to buddy him up with his best mate at nursery today who has been trained for about 2 months - she is also the daughter of my friend out of nursery but he was having none of it, wouldn't even go in the bathroom

OP posts:

Original poster

Wilkiepedia · 07/07/2009 21:57

OP posts:

blowninonabreeze · 07/07/2009 22:00

Think I'd get them to back off then! Have a chat with him again on a few week when he's more confident with it all.
He sounds quite like DD who once she's decided about something can be pretty stuborn! She always comes round and surprises me though once she's had time to think things through and process them on her own. He'll probably tell you or them when he's ready.

Original poster

Wilkiepedia · 07/07/2009 22:04

Thank you! Was just worrying that this is a major problem, esp as nursery are stumped too.

I had another DS 3 weeks ago which although hasn't bothered him, I suppose could be causing some sensitivity about something?!

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vonsudenfed · 07/07/2009 22:13

We are going through exactly the same thing with DD, also 2.5. She's been totally dry at home for more than a week, with no accidents. But she won't use anything but her own home potty, and is deeply afraid of other potties (and heaven help us if you should mention the toilet).

Last week, we went through just this with the childminder, and the compromise we eventually reached with DD - for everything - was that I would tell her what we were doing in the morning and she would decide whether she wanted pants or pull-ups. So she wore pull ups quite a lot of last week, and didn't wet them once (she does have the holding capacity of a camel, though). We also took her potty to the childminders.

Today, I asked her what she wanted to wear to a full day at the CM, and she said pants, and did manage to do several wees there, of her own choice. So it is getting better, although we do still have the rest of the world to deal with...

Not sure if this helps or not, but at least you are not alone (and, btw, we did a nursery visit this week, and they said they are completely used to children bringing in their own potties!)

wellieboot · 08/07/2009 13:50

Hi wilkiepedia - I just started another thread before I saw this one - i'm also having the same problem with my DD (2.6). Dry at home for a week and a half (and even went to the big loo at toddler group) but won't do anything at nursery, even in her own potty. They also put her back in nappies yesterday, on the third day of accidents and her holding it in so long she was complaining of tummy ache. I am going to do my best to completely back off and let her do it in her own time there - it is really frustrating though. Nursery seem to not have had this problem before which made me think what is going on so it's reassuring to hear there are others!

wellieboot · 08/07/2009 13:52

ps. congrats on your new baby!

Original poster

Wilkiepedia · 08/07/2009 17:27

Wow Wellieboot - exactly the same scenarios!!! Add this thread to watch list and let me know your progress. Nursery called me at 9.30am to pick DS1 up as he was so distressed, hasn't pooed since Thurs and just kept weeing himself.

DH took him this morning before all this happened armed with his own potty but DS1 got really distressed even before he left and asked DH to take potty home. He wouldn't go in the bathroom at nursery either with DH!

Have told nursery to use pull-ups for time being and try again in a few weeks.

Maddening thing is we got home and he immediately asked for pants, did wee on potty 10 mins after getting home and then after much encouragement and applejuice did a poo on the carpet (not that I cared - I just wanted him to do a poo!!). Completely dry all day again.

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PottyPotty · 09/07/2009 10:54

Wilkiepedia - this is exactly the same as us - fine at home, freaked out at nursery.

We're on week 3 & finally she's asked for the potty at nursery rather than crying and holding on til she wets herself.

Things I think helped were:
supportive nursery staff (praise, stickers, like at home)
taking her own potty in for a bit
mum or dad going for a wee with her in the nursery bathroom
letting her decide when she needs to go rather than asking her

I think weeing at home with Mum & Dad is one thing but doing it with other people might be hard for some kids ... then there's other people's potties, the whole pooing thing ... and the (scary) big toilet ...

1 step at a time! Good Luck.

wellieboot · 15/07/2009 09:51

Hi Wilkiepedia - how are you getting on with your DS? Still the same situation here - completely dry and goes happily everywhere except for nursery. Even let one of my friends who she doesn't know that well take her to the loo in a restaurant when I was not there! Really odd! I think they have given up trying at nursery, she is just in nappies full time. Also she won't poo in the potty any more after being great for the first week and now asks for a nappy. Anyway let me know how you are getting on!

thinkingaboutdrinking · 18/07/2009 12:33

Wow! I could have written you OP - in fact, I had to check it wasn't me!
DS is fine at home and completely freaks at nuresry when using the loo. We have given up on it at the moment TBH. At home - pants, ask s for the loo, no accidents usually. At nursery we just put pants on - I've decided to leave it for a while and gently suggest pants later (or wait until he wants to).
He also will not use any other loos out and about. Another camel here!

So no answers - just HUGE relief that there are other people with same problem - no I know has had this!

Original poster

Wilkiepedia · 21/07/2009 09:20

Well we have had a breakthrough with nursery - weeing fine now there! They didn't do much different, just started putting pull ups on himn instead of nappies and he started saying he wanted his pants on instead of a pull up! Completely dry.

Pooing is a whole other issue both at home and nursey. Gets very very distressed when he needs to go. Says his bottom is 'sore' and jigs about for up to an hour before eventually pooing his pants!! I have tried EVERYTHING to combat it but he's having none of it!!

Kids eh!!!!!!!

OP posts:

Original poster

Wilkiepedia · 21/07/2009 09:21

Thinkingabout - we have bought a Pottete for out and about! Fantastic invention!! Got ours off eBay

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noweewee · 03/08/2009 12:37

I could have written this myself, experiencing exactly the same problems at nursery except they are getting worse. Daughter has been clean and dry for a few weeks and no problems at all at nursery to start with, in fact we took her potty in but she wanted theirs and has been on thie rbig loo with the potette seat on it. No issues going anywhere else - grandparents, friends, shops, public toilets etc.....even withouit trainer seat, but now is holiding it in at nursery. I have asked them to stop reminding her and asking her to go and let her tell them as we no lonbger ask, but today she wouldn;t even go to the bathroom and was screaming nappy nappy and no wee no wee.
any advice??

wellieboot · 07/08/2009 21:39

Hi noweewee - no advice I'm afraid but my sympathies with you. I posted earlier on this thread and a month later we are no further forward. Like you, no issues anywhere else (even whipped her knicks off and squatted at the side of a path when we were on a walk in front of some elderly ramblers, I was very ) but STILL refusing to wee at nursery - won't even go in the toilet and they keep offering her nappies which she also refuses. I think this might be part of the issue as it is confusing her. Last week she held it in ALL DAY. Nursery keep telling me that it's not good as she'll end up with a kidney infection and all sorts of problems but don't seem to have any bright ideas on how to fix it. I do think a lack of consistency between home and nursery approach might have something to do with these problems - e.g, when I was potty training they kept telling me she wasn't ready and thought she should stay in nappies longer even though she was doing really well at home - therefore at nursery she has been offered a choice between loo and nappy from the start even when physically dry at home, so she a) got confused as mummy was telling her how clever she was for not needing nappies, and nursery were encouraging her to go in them still - and b)now gets loads of attention for refusing to go. Maybe this is the case with your dd at nursery and if they made it a non-issue and as you say, stop reminding her, that might work?

(sorry for long rambling post!)

Wilkiepedia - we also have same poo problem as you. [sigh]. I am so bored of potty training!!!

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