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Original poster

Applying for parental responsibility - anyone else done this?

84 replies

dot1 · 07/05/2003 09:17

I'm very excited because dp and I have got a court date this month for me to get parental responsibility - means I'm offically a parent! I'll be able to sign medical forms/school things etc.

I wondered has anyone else been through this, as fathers in unmarried couples also don't automatically have parental responsibility. I know aswell that grandparents or anyone living at home with the child can apply for PR. I'm quite nervous as we have to actually attend court, and I'm not sure what's going to happen... has anyone got any experience of this??!

OP posts:
doormat · 07/05/2003 09:21

Funny enough dp is applying for his parental rights and also adopting my 4 children so I will watch this thread!!!!
No advice Dot1 but if I find anything out will let you know.
GOOD LUCK

pie · 07/05/2003 09:24

My DH and I are also thinking about this, but haven't yet. Could I ask a couple of things as you seem to be one step ahead of me. My DH have been together (living together) for 3 years DD is 4 and as of the last year has had no contact at all with her BD (bio-dad); his choice. I read that after 3 years of living with the child the step parent can automatically apply for PR...is this what you did, or if sooner is it supposed to be harder. And did the childs absent parent object? If so how are you gettin round that?

Sorry if this is nosey but I don't know anyone who has done it, or even taken the first steps, which you have. I will watch this thread eagerly!

pie · 07/05/2003 09:25

Doormat, if your DH is adopting your 4 children is there still and ex you have to get consent for?

My ex shows no interest in my DD but will still say no out of pride and spite, not because he wants to be a father to her.

Again apologies if I'm being too nosey!

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doormat · 07/05/2003 09:28

pie I was married to bio dad of my 4. He has no contact for 7 years. I asked him via phone that my dp wanted to adopt kids and he said to just send the forms to him and he will sign.Need married fathers consent. Do not know about about if you were not married.Dp is applying for parental rights for 2 from previous. Got appt next week with solicitor

doormat · 07/05/2003 09:33

pie and anyone else there is loads of info on FAMILIES NEED FATHERS website.(sorry I dont know how to do a link.)

pie · 07/05/2003 09:36

Unfortunately I was married to my ex...I guess that we should wait a few more years to try for adoption. Since we split up my ex saw DD about 12 times over 2 years before stopping completely a year ago. I did ask him if I could change DD's surname but he gave me all this bull about how she's one of his family not my lovely DH's and that blood means more than who she live with.

Which as you probably know is crap! Still I don't see him giving up his parental rights without a fight, so I would have to prove to the court that he has abandonned or neglected her, and I feel terrible about maybe putting DD through that, but I feel equally terrible that my ex can legally just disappear with her as well still have joint custody. Childhood trauma, my Dad took my brother and I off to another country when we were kids, just told my mum that he was taking us to the shops, took my mum 3 months to track us down, and then she spent 12 years giving into my dads every whim as she was terrified of losing us again.

Anyway, sorry to hijack your thread dot1, I just don't know any other people in the same sort of legal position and the floodgates have opened!

doormat · 07/05/2003 09:56

sorry to hear that pie
my ex husband had the same attitude as your ex.B**ds arent they. Hopefully through time he may change his mind like my ex a*hole has done.

Original poster
dot1 · 07/05/2003 10:27

Hi Pie,

From what I understand, there's no time constraints on applying for PR - our ds is only 17 months old and although dp and I have been together for 10 years, I don't think that's an issue.

I'm not sure what rights bio-dad would have if you're now divorced - I'm not sure if he keeps PR or not - sorry... I know that if you weren't married he wouldn't have any rights, but that's not very helpful. You have to fill in an 'application for an order' form, (C1) - we got a copy free from a solicitors, and that does have a section where you have to name people who do have PR for the child - so that may be your ex-husband, but I'm not sure. The next step is that you then get more forms (!) which you have to 'serve' to anyone named as having PR, and they have to write to the court saying if they're going to oppose the application or not. In our case it's obviously easy because the only person with PR is my dp (the biological mother!) and she's not opposing. The biological father - our donor - doesn't come into it as he's not married to dp.

Phew! All very complicated - keep us posted with your progress pie.

OP posts:
doormat · 07/05/2003 11:09

dot1 if you were married to bio dad he automatically has PR, even if you are divorced and never sees his kids again.He has to give consent. Sad isnt it.

P.S To anyone interested you can get the C1 form from the families need fathers website.

SofiaAmes · 07/05/2003 23:01

dot1, my dh got parental responsibility for 2 of his 3 children that he had before me (in unmarried relationships) after I encouraged him to do so. The children were 7 and 8 when he got the PR. I didn't go along, but it didn't sound too exciting. He went with the children's mother (I think she only agreed because she though she'd get more money out of him) and they went into a court (didn't make an advance appointment) and signed the papers and it got stamped and that was it. I don't think there was anyone in the court except them , the judge and the guy who organizes the court schedule. I don't think it took more than a few minutes. I think the only time it's a big deal is if the other parent is opposing the PR.
Make sure you keep the paper that shows you have the PR. My dh has had to give a copy of it each time his children change schools in order to get a copy of their school reports sent to him as well as the mother (with whom they live).

Original poster
dot1 · 08/05/2003 09:08

thanks SofiaAmes. I'm getting a bit nervous because ages ago someone (and I can't remember who) said that the court may ask for a home visit to be done - because we're a gay couple - to see about my parenting abilities.... So I really hope it is just a paper exercise and we can get everything signed and sorted out at court. (I'm not worried about my parenting abilities, but wouldn't really like someone coming to 'assess' me...!).

OP posts:
Bobbins · 08/05/2003 09:20

Great...Kilroy is on, talking about all the risks of being an "older mum". I feel like that flipping tock is tick is tock ticking.

SofiaAmes · 08/05/2003 21:07

dot1 what the courts in england think makes a "good" parent never ceases to amaze me. You couldn't possibly be a worse parent than my dh's ex who despite her many shortcomings (currently pregnant with twins - 5th and 6th children all by different fathers - by a crack dealer heroin addict who hits her children) would be considered a "better" parent than my dh by the courts because she doesn't work! (so we were told by a lawyer when he suggested fighting for custody of his children).

sobernow · 08/05/2003 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sobernow · 08/05/2003 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
dot1 · 12/05/2003 09:05

thanks sobernow! We haven't been told to bring any stuff to court with us like birth certificates etc., but that's a really good idea -I'll pack them all anyway! I really hope it's nice and straightforward - I know it's only a piece of paper, and I already sign all sorts of stuff at ds's nursery, but you never know when it's going to come in useful, and it will be a big event for us - I'll be a 'proper' parent!

OP posts:
doormat · 12/05/2003 17:50

Went to solicitors today and (very long appt) and dp and I are going for a residence order so it will give my dp (soon to be dh) parental right of 2 children from previous marriage. So very happy

edgarcat · 12/05/2003 18:02

Message withdrawn

doormat · 12/05/2003 18:22

edgarcat actually not that way inclined

pie and anyone else who is interested you and your dp/dh can apply for residence order aswell. Go and see solicitor about it. Your dp/dh does not need to formally adopt to get parental rights. I hope this helps you in your situation.
Let us know how you get on.

sobernow · 19/05/2003 23:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
dot1 · 20/05/2003 08:52

it's this Thursday!! It's in the afternoon but dp and I have got the whole day off and are going to treat ourselves (once we've dropped ds off at nursery!) - going out to lunch and then off to court...!

Wish me luck....!!

OP posts:
sis · 20/05/2003 10:36

Good luck Dot1 and partner!

doormat · 20/05/2003 11:01

Good luck Dot1 and to your dp.

As you know my dp is going for parental rights for 2 of his children. He had a meeting with her and social services and she is going to give him his parental responsibilities.

ps whether she actually does is another issue.

SoupDragon · 20/05/2003 11:08

Good luck!

Marina · 20/05/2003 14:22

Best of luck Dot, hope it all goes smoothly.