Applying for parental responsibility - anyone else done this?

[dot1]

I'm very excited because dp and I have got a court date this month for me to get parental responsibility - means I'm offically a parent! I'll be able to sign medical forms/school things etc.

I wondered has anyone else been through this, as fathers in unmarried couples also don't automatically have parental responsibility. I know aswell that grandparents or anyone living at home with the child can apply for PR. I'm quite nervous as we have to actually attend court, and I'm not sure what's going to happen... has anyone got any experience of this??!

So? how did it go? are you legally responsible now?

Dot's taken ds to Manchester to visit her Mum for the weekend while I work (sob), so thought I'd update you. We met a very stern judge who had to satisfy himself that Adam, the biological father, didn't oppose Dot having PR. He made us sweat a bit, but in the end said he wouldn't oppose it. Cue lots of tears of relief from Dot!

Thanks for the tip about the champagne, sobernow. I produced it with a flourish afterwards, although as we had to go and pick up ds from nursery, we couldn't drink it until the evening, and even then it had to be severely diluted with orange juice, 'cos neither of us are great drinkers (I never was, and Dot seems to have lost the knack, much to her distress!)

Thanks for all your expressions of support/interest. Project adoption is next...

Congratulations to you both. I am sure the champagne knack will come back with practice!

Only just found this thread--congratulations dot and juno!!! Did Alan have to come to the court as well or did the judge believe you that he didn't oppose?

We are in a similar but slightly more complicated situation, and had decided not to bother with parental responsibility, but I am wondering whether we should reconsider. Would appreciate people's advice, especially why people who have done it want(ed) to get pr--is it basically symbolic, or for more practical reasons?

There are four of us parenting dd--me, dp (her bio-mum), dd's bio-dad, and bio-dad's (male) partner. When dd was born we were told by a solicitor that it would be relatively easy for me to get pr (because dd lived with me and dp) and also for bio-dad (because bio-dads always can if mums don't oppose), but basically impossible for the other dad. Since we didn't want to set up a situation in which his status as a parent was marked out as different, we didn't go for it. (Non-bio dad's parents were a bit funny about the whole set-up, didn't really recognise dd as their grandchild at first, so we didn't want to give them any ammunition.)

Since then, though, things have changed--dads have moved to over the road from us, and dd now lives with them almost as much as us, spends at least 2 nights there every week, sometimes more. So I'm wondering if it might now be possible to get pr for all 3 of us. And if it were possible, would it be worth it? Given that nursery, doctors etc all seem quite happy to take us all as parents, what benefits would we accrue by having pr?

Sorry this is so long ....

Congratulations! That's great news.

I personally, don't think that four people necessarily need PR though, I don't have it with my stepdaughter and neither does her stepfather (with whom she lives during the week) and it makes no practical difference at all.

My dh had to fight to get PR for his dd in the face of his ex's opposition, and for us it was partly symbolic - he IS her father and an extremely loving and committed one, and partly because she spends alternate weekends and holidays with us and felt it might become legally useful. However, as my dh can 'devolve' his PR to me, and her mother can do the same to her partner, then it wasn't neccessary for us all to have it.

Ooh, how interesting! And what a nice set-up for your dd, Ruth. I'd love to have Adam a bit nearer, but even if he was (he lives in Manchester and we're in London) I don't know how involved he'd want to be. He donated his sperm to help Dot and I to become parents, not because he wanted to be one. But having said that, I think there's a sneaky bit of affection there, and as and when we move "oop north" (it's in the grand plan) I'd like to think he'll be introducing ds to "Sport" - "Music" and "Academia" being covered by Dot and I respectively!!

As for why we went for PR, well, given the recent legislative changes, we want Dot to adopt ds in the end, and PR seemed like a good first step. I don't suppose this applies in your situation though.

Incidentally, no, Adam didn't have to come to court; the judge believed us - in a kind of grudging way!

congratulations Juno & Dot, especially Dot for being officially 'recognised'!

Ruth, I think you and bio-dad should go for it, and bio-dad's dp should definitely give it a try, unless it would be too traumatic for him to get a no. Obviously you never want to think about worst possible scenarios but what if in some horrible twist of fate your dp was in a car crash? I think it's pretty important that she makes clear her view that you are all parents to your dd (four parents - wow!).

Mmm, yes, good point. Though I would have thought the most important thing in the car crash scenario (gulp) would be that dp had a will with clear instructions about who was to be the guardian. (Which actually she doesn't, we have been meaning to do them for ages, I know it's outrageously irresponsible that we haven't, we will get round to it soon. But that's beside the point re pr.)

Meant to say also--what's changed in adoption law recently? Have I missed something important?

Well I THINK - but I'm not positive - that same sex couples can adopt now. I think it was in the context of fostering/adoption - ie, where neither parent is biologically related - but I assume, or rather I hope, that it would apply in our circumstances. Keep meaning to contact Stonewall or do a search of the relevant government website, but haven't quite got round to it yet.

Dot and I were prevaricating about making a will for AGES but finally got it done last month. The only difficulty was in saying who should get ds in the event of our joint demise. We kept vetoing each other's choices and I kept crying every time I thought of anyone else bringing him up (!) so we've gone for a slightly unsatisfactory interim solution. Still, it feels good to have something written down and legally watertight. Families can be funny in the event of a death and I'd hate for any negative feelings about our "arrangements" which are currently bitten back among various family members to suddenly be given free reign, at the expense of whoever was left... Hmm, sorry to be so morbid!

Ooh, also keep meaning to say: congratulations, Ruth21!!!

Juno and dot1 congratulations!! Enjoy attending those parents evenings together

Congratulations Dot1 and Juno! and thanks for letting us know what happened Juno.

Dot1 and Juno ... really pleased for you both ... I have been following this thread quietly (no experience in this area so have kept quiet) ... and am just over the moon for you ... Congratulations ...

Congratulations Dot and Juno. very pleased to hear your news.

As you know dp and I currently doing this with 4 of our children. His 2 by ex (he wants PR) and my 4 from previous he wanted to adopt the younger 2. Solicitor informed us that if he wanted to adopt we would have to do it TOGETHER and I would be then known as their ADOPTIVE MOTHER on their birth certificates. Definite "off putter" and told her this, I mean I gave birth to these kids. She just advised us to go for joint residency order instead. The law is an "ass"

Congratulations Dot and Juno, great news! Ruth21, I'm sure someone will know more but I'd have thought one of the reasons for having PR is so that either parent/carer can sign to agree to medical care etc. in case of an emergency. Because I'm not married to my dp we will have to go for this when our baby is born in November as he won't automatically have PR, despite being the father. Since he may well be the main carer it will be important for us for that reason. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

doormat, its ridiculous isn't it? You have to give up your PR so that you and yours can adopt and gain PR. As far as I am aware only in Scotland can the stepparent on non-bio parent adopt without the bio-parent having to give up their PR.

Hello! Yippee - I'm a parent..!! Just wanted to say thanks to everyone who sent good luck and congrats messages.

I found it a really emotional experience - cried lots on the way home, 'cos it was such a relief to have got it.

Ruth21 - it felt important to me both symbolically, i.e. there's some recognition in law of my being a parent (even though I already knew I was!) and practically - even if schools/hospitals are 'funny' about our situation (and I should say no-one ever has been - yet..), I'm now legally entitled to make decisions and have access to all the bits of paper that Juno as bio-Mum is.

So, as Juno says, we'll look into me adopting ds at some point in the future, although that's likely to cost money as we'll need a solicitor, so it'll have to wait a while!

Congratulations Dot. One thing on residency, the courts really don't like it if you go for residency if there is actually no dispute with the other parent/another person as the whether the children live with you - it's called the 'no order' principle. My dh's ex went for residency for their daughter even though my dh doesn't dispute his daughter living with her as long as she wants to (it was just to spite him really) and the court refused because it was unnecessary. She also wanted PR for her new husband over my dh's daughter and they refused that too, as they said she could give permission for him (her h) to have those rights - ie to read school reports, to take her to drs etc. It does seem odd that you both have to adopt your children but the law, for some reason won't allow parents to have differing statuses as regards their children.

Great news Dot & Juno!

I just wondered if anyone knows the answer to this: Ex (to be) DH and I weren't married when I gave birth to ds, although we got married when he was 3 months old and re-registered the birth as required by law (at the time anyway, early 98) so that ds was registered 'as a child of the marriage.' I have always assumed that dh therefore has parental responsibility (since we were/are married) even though we're now separated and have been for over 3 years. We're not divorced yet (about to get around to this, ideally before Nov) but dh tells me that his solicitor says he DOESN'T have any PR, despite the fact that we were married. Is this right? I'm amazed, since I always assumed he did and indeed, I want him to. If so, thank goodness nothing has happened in the past 3 years that requires him to sign to agree to treatment etc etc. TIA to anyone who knows the answer.

I must look into this as dh and I didn't get married till dd was 15 months old and I don't remember re-registering her birth either. Does this also mean that in cases where parents who live together are unmarried, the father has no PR?