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Parenting

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Original poster

Applying for parental responsibility - anyone else done this?

84 replies

dot1 · 07/05/2003 09:17

I'm very excited because dp and I have got a court date this month for me to get parental responsibility - means I'm offically a parent! I'll be able to sign medical forms/school things etc.

I wondered has anyone else been through this, as fathers in unmarried couples also don't automatically have parental responsibility. I know aswell that grandparents or anyone living at home with the child can apply for PR. I'm quite nervous as we have to actually attend court, and I'm not sure what's going to happen... has anyone got any experience of this??!

OP posts:

fio2 · 30/06/2003 11:20

In my child health care book it states The Children Act 1989 defines parental responsibility as:

Both parents have parental responsibility if:
(i) they were married to each other at the time of the childs conception, or:
(ii) they married during the pregnancy, or:
(iii) they married since the birth of the child.

The mother is the only person who has parental responsibility if the parents of the child are not married and have never been married to each other.

so it looks like you soon to be ex dhs solicitor doesnt know what hes talking about. Hope this helps.

fio2 · 30/06/2003 11:22

sorry I dont think this is the 1989 rule but the new law. I typed it out slightly wrong.

pie · 30/06/2003 11:23

CAM, as far as I'm aware, whether the parents live together or not as long as they are not married then the father has to apply for PR.

www, according to this susequent marriage to the mother grants PR. It says the same thing here , so I'm thinking your ex to be does have it. Though if you are in the middle of getting a divorce your divorce lawyer should be able to tell you.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Family law General parenting

pie · 30/06/2003 11:24

fio2, looks like you type faster than me

fio2 · 30/06/2003 11:25

I doubt it

pie · 30/06/2003 11:25

Fio2, that is the 1989 law your referring to. There is a new one that is about to come into force where simply having the father's name on the birth certificate will give him PR.

fio2 · 30/06/2003 11:27

and so it should our laws on parental responsibilty are like in the dark ages

WideWebWitch · 30/06/2003 12:12

So if I've understood this correctly CAM, it looks like my soon-to-be-ex-dh DOES have it since we subsequently married and so does your dh since you married after the birth and he's the father. Not sure whether you needed to re-register or not though, can't remember who told us we had to at the time. Thanks Pie and fio2.

Britabroad · 30/06/2003 13:33

So what rights etc does my dp have over my dd who he has "fathered for 4 of her 5 years"??

pie · 30/06/2003 14:12

Britabroad, my DH has been father to my DD for 3 of her 4 years and even though we are married an ex is off the scene DH has NO rights at all. A step parent or new partner has to apply to the courts. Ususally for a residence order which has inbuilt PR.

Personally we are waiting until DD is a bit older than going to try for an adoption. I was married to my ex, so even though he has seen her about 20 time since we split and not at all for 11 months he still has PR. She didn't hear from him for either her birthday or xmas. So I figure that a couple more years, when she is old enough to have some input into the decision and my ex has been AWOL for that much longer DH will try to adopt her.

Its really crap when a decent partner has no rights at all even when he is more of a father to your child then the guy you happened to have sex with. Sorry if that sounds harsh to anyone out there, it just really upsets me.

Britabroad · 30/06/2003 14:15

Can't we elect to give them rights?

Britabroad · 30/06/2003 14:16

This law needs to be changed.
Ok let ex keep rights but let new partners/husbands have rights too.

aloha · 30/06/2003 14:48

The new partner/husband does have 'rights' in that you can 'devolve' your parental responsibility to them - so they can do anything with your child that you do, as long as they have your authorisation for this (this isn't legal authorisation, just your agreement. In practise a stepfather or mother doesn't need PR as long as they are with the biological parent. There is nothing they could do with PR that they can't do now. The courts are very unwilling to make legal orders if they don't benefit the child or aren't necessary, which is why step-parents don't get PR usually. They simply don't need it. I'm a step parent myself, and cannot envisage a situation where I would need PR, frankly. If my dh wanted me to take my stepdaughter to the dr or dentist, I could. If your gave pr to a partner you subsequently broke up with, then they would continue to have PR, which might not be what anyone wants. Can you imagine if your your child's father was able to get PR for a new girlfriend, who continued to have it after they split up? I don't think that would be a very good idea, personally.

Britabroad · 30/06/2003 14:50

Thanks Aloha.
Is there anything my Dp can't do?

aloha · 30/06/2003 15:08

No, as long as it's not against your wishes, which I'm sure you wouldn't want anyway.

Britabroad · 30/06/2003 15:13

Is there anything my ex can stop my Dp from doing? (Out of spite?)

aloha · 30/06/2003 15:15

No, because you 'devolve' your parental responsibility to your partner - he is only exercising your wishes, and your wishes are equal to your ex's.

Britabroad · 30/06/2003 15:18

Fab. Feel so much better. Started to get scared when I began reading this thread.
Owe you one . Thanks.

aloha · 30/06/2003 15:22

No problem!

prufrock · 30/06/2003 15:42

My stepmother did adopt me - admittedly this was back in 1978, but she felt that if she was going to treat me as her own child (which she always has done), she wanted equal rights over me. Actually IIRC my Dad had to give up all parental rights and then they adopted me jointly. I can see taht it is more difficult if the biological mother is around (mine had died), but if a stepparent (of either sex) puts lots of time and effort into building a relationship with a child, why shouldn't they be allowed to continue to have that relationship if they then split up with the childs biological parent?

aloha · 30/06/2003 15:50

I think some step-parents feel bereft if they split up with a long-term partner and then lose all contact with the stepchildren. But I think this would only happen if the split was acrimonious or the children very young. A friend of mine still sees her ex boyfriend's teenage daughter because they got on so well. But parental responsibility is different. It means you can take the kid to the dr, consent to an operation for them, and choose their school. I don't think many people would feel very happy about a person who they weren't in a relationship with, who wasn't a blood relative, having this kind of authority. And the other blood parent would be mightily pissed off, I would have thought. I think it's dangerous ground. I would be extremely upset never to see my stepdaughter again but I think her mother in particular would explode if I split up with my dh but continued to exercise rights over her daughter. I do think it is a very different matter if the other biological parent is dead, though.

pie · 30/06/2003 16:07

Aloha, I agree that its probably more straight forward if one of the biological parents are dead. I'm just having a hard time with it though because my ex before disappearing off the scene said he would object to letting my DH have any parental responsibility, which would mean going to court and having a social services report etc.

As I have said my ex has seen my DD 20 times since she was 1 and not at all for 11 months, yet he can still drag my and DH through the courts if he wants to.

DH lives in terror that if something were to happen to me he would lose DD forever. Although I think that this is alot less likely to happen now we are having a child together.

Britabroad · 30/06/2003 16:11

I understand that Pie. I too still live in fear of my family being split if I die. We have a son but I still fear that he would take my DD away from my Dp and her brother.

fio2 · 30/06/2003 17:06

Britaboard if you are that concerned I would see a solicitor and see if your dp could claim PR, or ask if you wrote in a will that in the event of your death you would want your dp to be the guardian of your dd-if this would work. I dont really know but a friend of mine his mother died in a car crash and his stepfather tried to adopt him but they refused and he was put up for adoption-I hasten to add this was in the 80s so things may have changed alot now. I do think though, although morbid, we do have to think of these things.

pie · 30/06/2003 17:12

Fio2, thats so terrible!

I think that things must have changed by now though. Didn't Bob Geldolf get custody of Paula Yates' and Micheal Hutchence's daughter when they were both dead as the courts decided that it would be better for her to stay with her sisters then to some other relative?

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