Do mothers of girls enjoy their children more?

[ilikesunshine]

Just wondering... I have two dss and spend a lot of time wondering whether life would have been easier with girls. Any experiences to make me feel better about having boys?

Hmm. I love my four girls. Really I do. Most of the time. But not ALL of the time.

Did not have a good day today. Took the four of them shopping. Ended up falling out big time with dd1 and stomped off to car with dd3 and dd4 in tow, leaving dd1 and dd2 to get the train home.

Girls are fab. Great company. Great for makeup and style advice. Brill to natter to about boyfriend type and relationship stuff.

But when there are three of us (and soon to be five of us) with totm hormones flying - woooaaah! Not Good.

All children are different.

Not a truism, just true.

I have 2 DSs and they are very much not the same at all. I also have a DD and she is a different child again.

Of course, en masse girls may be more docile and placid (eg in a classroom situation) but none of us have got 30 children (I hope).

Any individual girl can be as hard to deal with as any boy. When DD was little she was a real terror - tantrums, screaming paddies, refusal to do anything except on her terms - stuff I never experienced with the boys.

Now they are all older DS1 is giving us the worry, but no doubt DS2 will throw up a problem soon

It's the joy of parenting.

So in short, the answer is no, not necessarily.

And yes, boys' toys (Lego, Brio, K'nex) much better IMHO. Also boys' hobbies - football, cricket, Cubs - yes I know girls can do these things but sadly not many do (tho my DD is a very eager Beaver!)

BTW 4 and 2 are their ages OP? Yes, when DS1 was 4 and DD2 and DS2 a baby, we couldn't leave the baby with...DD she was shocking in her behaviour towards him!

No!

zipzap only now read yr post, made me really

Have you talked to anybody about these feelings? I think it might really help.

oh zipzap...i'm so sorry you feel so disconnected.
Perhaps you need to talk to someone about this as you may be grieving for the idealised daughter you always imagined you would have... and that's blocking a real connection and enjoyment between you and your lovely boys.

The only thing that makes me think I enjoy my girl more than I would have enjoyed a boy is a very, very shallow one: buying clothes for her. I so enjoy pootling round H & M (the official best shop for girls' clothes, IMO) picking up pretty bits for her, and I'm sure it wouldn't be half as fun as it would be for a boy.

Having said that, am currently ttc a second dc, so if it's a boy I'll let you know if it's just the same.

Oh zipzap- I really hope that you find a way to feel better about this.
Just think of all the good things about boys- they will be mummy boys and adore you, no pink, no glitter, no teenage girl eye rolling, no fear of teenage pregnancy, rape, sexual diacrimination. No problems with girl cliques, bitching, and being able to gain a male perspective.
I love my dd dearly but I was worried about having a girl as they are so much more vulnerable in this sexist world sadly.

I have one of each, and it is a really nice combination (at the moment, who knows what teenage life will bring!). But when they were small it was awful. I just think that small children are really hard work, regardless of their gender. dd was a very difficult baby (for me anyway, she might have been an attachment mother's dream) whilst ds was really easy. He was a fairly awful four year old, and she was a difficult toddler, so those were quite stressful times! Howver on the whole the only times that have been really bad is when they are both terrible at the same time, which luckily hasn't been too often.

Otherwise I would say that when ds and me are on the same wavelength I probably enjoy talking with him (about the world, how it ticks and other philosophical issues) more because he is more like me. dd on the other hand is fun to do things with, and more appreciative and cuddly, so that's nice. We suspect she is going to be an awful teenager!

poshsinglemum - in your well-meaning attempt to make zipzap feel better about her daughterless state you do talk some tosh and do girls a disservice. I don't expect my lovely 4 year old DD to turn into a bitchy member of a girly clique one day but sadly you have that expectation for your DD.

I understand what poshsinglemum is saying. That is a generalisation of how girls behave - my dd goes to an all girls' school so I know. That is just that greater chance a girl will fall within the stereotype than a boy but that says nothing about how my dd would behave as an individual.

Heck, I even attended an all girls' school for 10 years.

My DS (8) is a far easier child than my DD (5) has ever been.

It does seem from friends and MN that boys have more issues: slower to speak, more likely to have SN, harder to toilet train etc.

my sister has four girls and one boy and says her girls were easier as little ones but now, as teenagers, they are a nightmare whereas her teeange son is a sweetheart.

I have 2 boys (11 & 9) and 2 girls (5 & 3).

I find my boys much easier than my girls. It's not just the age thing - they were easier than the girls when they were that age. I like the differences most days, but I am never going to be keen on the "You're not my friend if you don't do x,y,z"! Boys seem much more straightforward.

Slower to speak, harder to toilet train ... not so in my efamily - dd2 slowest to toilet train and ds2 had amazing language skills from very early on ..... I'm sure he's going to be a barrister with the knots he can tie your side of an argument in!!

Personality, yes of course, but also personality-mix. So - I am apparently (not that I can see it) like my mum, and we had a lot of friction; dd (who's 8.5) is not like me in any way at all, and we get on just fantastically. She is a poppet, if dizzying in her no-let-up merry bushy-tailedness.

I have a ds too, who's 10, and he's just not like anyone, except perhaps a bit his absentminded professor grandfather . He's so very one-off that you can't use him for any theories - except maybe the truism that the extreme ends of the personality spectrum are more often occupied by boys (girls tending to a smaller range around the middle). He's fun but a bit dizzying in a different way.

So, er, that's about it. Individuals.

My DD is a real Jekyll and Hyde. Occasionally adorable, sweet, funny clever, empathetic and determined. More frequently a total PITA - contrary, awkward, curmudgeonly, brattish and cursed with the worst temper known to man. When we're close, we're very close.

DS however is invariably level-tempered, kind and conciliatory. Much easier to deal with.

As a mum of 2 boys I find your post quite upsetting zipzap as you are missing out on so much. I wont go on here about how wonderful boys are as I doubt thats what you need to hear, nor do I think you need to hear that girls can be a handful. I know you didn't post to get advise but you really need to think about (and talk to someone about) what you believe a daughter would give you that your sons dont? Perhaps you have a very romantic unrealistic idea of what a daughter would be like.

You say that your boys are lovely but you feel 'punished' by having them... Your whole post just seems so sad . If you really feel so disconnected from your family then of course your boys are going to know, they may not specifically know its because you wanted daughters but they will know that you are not that happy if you see what I mean. Please dont leave it too late to appreciate and enjoy what you've been lucky enough to have.

I was a smug mum of 3 dds who would watch with horror at the frazzled mums of boys, chasing after their ds. Most mums of boys I knew seemed tired, haggard, and were on their feet all the time stopping their ds beating up other dc. My opinion was backed up by an article I read which said mums of boys died earlier!

And then I had a ds, what a shock! I was in tears thinking a miracle had happened to me as my dh really wanted a boy.To think a woman's body can manufacture a little willy! (sorry ) And what an absolute delight, he is just so cuddly and affectionate and pretty easy going and funny.

Of course they go through stages, but I feel blessed with all of mine, they are all taxing in their own ways sometimes but they are all so loving, helpful and kind to me.

I know they may reach a stage where they may reject their mums and puberty may hit them hard, but I hope all the love and lessons I've taught them will carry them through all that.

Hmmmm........ Ds is only 11 weeks, so it's hard to comment..... he is certainly HUNGRIER than the girls (who both slept 12 hrs a night by 2 months which he most certainly isn't), but the girls are certainly not easy! DD1 (age 4) is a teenager in disguise!! To everyone else she is a joy - polite, funny, talkative, informative... to me... well she is moody and liable to storm off to her bedroom slamming the door in a fury of weird psychologically damaging rage. I adore her, she adores me, yet we fight, and it can be weird and tricky, then we hug more than you can imagine. DD2??? Well at 2 she is scarily beautiful (literally - I get stopped in the street regularly by people commenting), but boy does she know it and capitalise on it. She is cute as a button, but manipulative and devious. Most of my friends (with similar aged boys) will wistfully say things about her such as 'god she's adorable, I can't imagine how you could ever be cross with her' - as their tearaway boys are causing havoc around the play park, but they don't see her as she is, how naughty she can be, how she silently and without drawing attention to herself does exactly what you have told her not to, how she sneakily winds her sister up. What can I say? I ADORE my girls, I admire how feisty they can be, I admire their emotional intelligence at such a young age. They are brilliant and fun, but NOT easy. I hope against hope that DS will be straightforward - hungrier is good, I understand it. Let's keep it that way.....

I have 3 girls and all i can say is hair nits.When they get them I wish I had boys with short hair.They get them several times every autumn and I have to cancel all social stuff because it means 2 hours in the bathroom and me getting cross with youngest daughter who screams before the nit comb has even touched one hair: usually followed by me crying and shouting for husband to take over!But I love them all dearly even though they never draw a breath to stop talking and arguing.Thank your lucky stars you'll save a fortune on sanitary protection:I'll have to take out a loan for it.

i fequently wonder this myself - having an exceedingly active, awake little boy who never stops talking. But I also have a friend with a little girl who gives my son a run for his money! I dont think girls or boys are easier really, its just hard in different ways ;)

ZipZap, Im worried about you. I really really wanted a girl, and cried when I found out I was having a boy but when he was born I didnt think about it again. I wonder if you should speak to someone about this, perhaps your GP? It must be horrible for you to feel so unhappy in your family life all the time, there must be something that could be done?

I only have one DC, 8YO DS who is lovely and no trouble at all (most of the time!)

Oh, I hate this.
I have a DD and a 2 week old boy. When i only had DD and was expecting the boy people (who just had boys, of course) kept telling me how it was going to be hard with a boy, how boys are harder etc etc.
What?
Anyone whos never tried to get a resisting little girl dressed (in appropriate clothing) hair brushed and out the door by a particular time do not know what they're talking about. I also got to hear all about how girl babies are better sleepers compared to boys. So far, absolutely not true.

I will say that boys seem to need more space to run around in, from what I've seen, whereas in general girls can do more quiet games. But regarding general difficulty I think boys and girls are evenly matched The difficulties that exist with raising either are just different, thats all.
To those who are thinking "just wait and see untill your boy gets older", i have four younger brothers who I practically raised so I do know what I'm talking about.

Obviously its different at different stages. I have 1 DS age 2 and he has a cousin, same age. As parents we love them dearly, they are affectionate, creative and sociable little experimenters. I try to teach a bit of simple counting, writing and get lots of fresh air everyday. But oh yes it is hard - in any given situation. Currently I am fixing some coloured pencil holders high on the wall where DS cannot possibly get to and am repainting the walls. This morning I have been through three parks, in each one my DS put aside his toy to play with another child's and had a huge big hissy fit when it came to giving them back to the owner.

We generally take the two cousins everywhere together because without each other, each stay and play or playground is a highly stressful experience. Not only do the boys not conform to what other parents seem to expect of them, but they run around a playground exhausting all the possible playthings and are finished within 15 minutes and running out of the gate...