I'm a terrible mother..

[shish]

Ds1 just turned 3 last week and ds2 will be 13 weeks this week. Some days (like saturday) I can be quite confident with both of them. Other days, like today, I just want to cry and I feel like everything is just wrong and I can't enjoy ds2 (or ds1!). I shouldn't complain cos ds1 is in daycare and ds2 has settled himself into a routine that fits in quite well around ds1 for the moment until he starts pre-school (far from home) in september.

So why do I feel like this?? It's really not fair on the boys to have a mummy that feels so low. I really wish I could enjoy being a mother of 2 like I did a mother of 1. I just feel like my head is all over the place and my confidence keeps dropping. I thought I would be more settled within myslef by now..

Don't look too far ahead either. Sometimes, when I was feeling totally overwhelmed, even bedtime seemed like an eternity away. But when bedtime did come, I could feel like I'd managed another day. Try and be nicer to yourself too. If it's your "thing" drop some hints to DH to book you in for a massage/facial, or just do it yourself! Being a mum is one of the hardest jobs around - you don't get much training, it's no wonder people don't feel hugely confident. I'm going to keep looking at this thread to see how you're getting on.

Thank you juicy12. That's really knid of you.

Backtoblue I'm sorry things aren't any better for you yet. I'm sure you haven't messed up your relationship with ds1. If he's anything like my ds1, he'll be sso happy to have a baby brother. I hope you're right. I hope one day we will both be telling each other that it's all in the past and we are happy, comfotable and confident with our 2 ds's. Keep me posted and let me know how you're getting on. I don't know about you, but for me it helps so much to talk to someone who is going through something similar. It shows me that I'm not the only one and by supporting each other I guess we're also supporting ourselves.

Every now and then I feel a rush of warmth and love for ds2. I hope this means I'm on the road to things getting better?

Shish - I felt like you do too, only I felt like that about my first child more than my second. I would fantasise all the time about having a day without them and I truly did regret having children at all.

When I was at home with both of them, the only way I could cope was by having a routine (for me not the dcs) which involved going out as much as possible. I caught busses everywhere and as they were at a precise time, they set the routine for my day. I avoided being home alone with the dcs as much as possible.

I love my children very much now so it will come but you need to be kind to yourself. Would also say I started to take ADs (having refused to do so for a year until things got out of hand) and they have deffinitely made by life better.

I haven't taken the AD's - so determined not to. I try to keep busy and occupied and force myself to feel confident. It's hard.

Ds2 is 15 weeks now. How old is yours now? I just keep getting worked up about stuff.

How are you getting on? I hope you're doing well. I'm looking forward to ds2 being a bit older. Maybe once he is sitting and able to play with some toys things might feel a little easier? I know it was around 6 months with ds1 that I felt more confident as a mum. I'm hoping it will be the same again. People tell me it gets easier and more 'enjoyable' when dc2 hits around 6 months, so here's hoping - for both of us x

You sound just like me backtoblue. Constanly anxious and stressed. I'm doing the same as you - keeping busy. I've also been missing time alone with ds1 and feeling that life was easier before ds2 but I'm trying so hard not to hink like that cos then I feel guilty that I'm being unfair on ds2. The last few days have been better - I think cos I have been keeping very busy.

I'm sure you're a great mum x

I can't stop thikning about you backtoblue since I replied to your thread yesterday. You seemed to be doing so well. If anything the first time you posted on this thread you were giving me words of encouragement. Please hand on in there. We'll support each other x

I can so understand where you're coming from. I thought I was doing ok and this afternoon I just feel like crying. The fact that ds2 has thrown up on me 3 time in 5 minutes really isn't helping!

For some reason Thursday is always a bit of a low day for me. On the whole I'm doing better, but I still feel anxious and panicky a lot of the time..

What sessions have you been going to?

I really don't know why. I think I still feel a little daunted by the everything..

I'm having a hrad couple of day and finding that sit down to type on here and I'm just panicking - sorry. I didn't mean to be so brief.

I'm trying to convince myself that I will see the benefits of 2 dc's but finding it hard at the moment. Now also starting to get stressed about weaning ds2 as there is so much conflicting advice from different HV's and can't remember exactly how I did it with ds1. I think I just keep on finding things to stress about..

Thank you so much backtoblue. I have re-read this thread, though not for a while. I am definately doing better than before, but still get some days where I'm finding it hard. It can all feel a bit isolating at time - do you know what I mean?

Dh is great - very supportive. HV calls every now and then and GP is also supportive and seeing me regularly. She says I don't need AD's which is great.

Yes ds2 will be 4 months tomorrow. How about yours? How is ds1 doing around him now? Bet he loves him to pieces! I am trying really ahrd to enjoy it for what it is - just like you - but it's just hard sometimes. I had been doing so well but have been a little low since yesterday. I'm still keeping busy and trying to get out and about..

You don't have to take anti depressants, just realise you are feeling down, and try to get a break. I went to talk to my gp and said no way would I take ADs...I ended up being referred to a counsellor for 6 sessions which really helped. Also went to a homeopath which helped balance my hormones. There are things you can do...also everyone feels like that some days, so you're not at all alone. Obviously from all the posts!

That's very interesting - How did the homeopathy work??

Yes it works really well for me. I think you have to make sure you find someone really good...the lady I see was recommended. Really helped with anxiety and sorting our my hormones, balancing me basically. I know it works, don't care what critics say, because if you take arnica for bruising or for an operation, it clearly works...

That's really interesting. I'll have to look into it. Thank you x

yes, is worth it. Just make sure its someone good...I saw a homeopath before when we were ttc and she was ok, but didn't do wonders. But the lady I see now is kind of exceptional I think. She also gives me a sleep remedy that is really good, I drop off instantly. I was taking about 5 Calms pills to get to sleep and even then I was worrying about everything. Also I've been seeing a counsellor, so the two together really helped me work through a lot of things. I think you just have phases in your life where everything gets on top of you and you need a bit of help. I would much rather think about it all, even feel sad if I need to, than take drugs...the gp did give me beta blockers, but I didnt' take them. Just used the homeopathic anti anxiety remedy and that was fine.