Help! Baby won't stop whinging..........

[HarryB]

I'm so so tired and don't know what to do. Is it possible for a baby to not be a morning person? My DS is 5.5 months old and every morning from when he wakes up (bar feeding and sleeping), he seems really grumpy and whines (squeals). He always seems to perk up in the afternoons - and typically is at his most playful before DH gets home - but the mornings are getting me down. He is fed, clean, dry, warm, has cuddles & play .

What am I doing wrong. I'm exhausted as it is and the whinging grates on me to the extent that I need to walk out of the room to have a silent scream - feel like shit admitting that but sometimes by the afternoon, I'm in tears as I can't seem to make him happy.

He is teething, but has been since 10 weeks so I don't think it is that. If I pick him up, he at least stops squealing, but I can't spend every morning holding him. If I ignore him, I feel like a bad mother. Could I be missing an underlying problem. WWYD?

It's very hard to cope with things when you are tired anyway. Personally, I would take him out- on the swings at the park or a mother and baby group and see if there is any improvement

I agree, try to go out when he's at his worst. A change of scene will often snap them out of it. good luck

Sending some strength. It is a phase and he will get past it.
I would recommend getting out and about. I have a friend who used to walk to the supermarket every morning to buy a pint of milk because her son was exactly the same. Mother and baby/toddler groups are also a godsend for this.

Also, if he wants to be close you could invest in a sling and then could do what you have to do with him cuddled up close?

I would also take him out to park or baby groups.

Does he have a dummy, I know not everyone liked then I hated it and said no child of mine will ever have one but that seemed to comfort her and her whinging stopped.

I have tried taking him out. Dummies work for a while but I don't want him getting used to one. Worst thing is, if anyone pops round, he is all smiles but grumpy for me. What am I doing wrong.

You are not doing anything wrong . My DD is the same - and my DS was awful! It is so hard isnt it - my DD has been doing it for the last few hours and has just gone down for a nap but on a couple of occasions this morning I have put her in her cot and walked away as I would quite happily have thrown her out of the window at times!

Why is he grumpy for you and no one else? Because youre his mum - they seem to save the worst for us. He stops when you pick him up - he wants cuddles from you and to be entertained which just isnt compatible with getting much done. Is he sitting up yet? I found when DS could sit up properly and play with some toys he stopped a bit.

I find the only thing that works is leaving the house - can you go and see a friend? Go to the library? Find a little old lady to coo at him? Swimming? Coffee? Do you drive? If its really getting to you go out for a drive for a bit with a magazine then when he falls asleep read it...

What about toys for him? My DS used to love those activity things they could sit/stand in and spin around - he wanted to be up and active

Is it hot with you? DD has been awful in the
heat...

Yes, once they can sit up it gets better na donce they can crawl it's better still.

Have you got a baby walker type thing that supports him upright? Or a door bouncer? My DS felt much more part of things in one of those at that age.

But it is a phase, it will pass and you are not doing anything wrong!!

Thanks girls. DS has every toy imaginable and particularly loves his jumperoo so he isn't lacking in stimulation. We go to a baby group and he sees lots of different faces; family, friends etc. I read that a baby saves their favourite smiles for mum and dad, but it's DH that gets his - I think he just sees a giant bottle of formula when he sees me. He isn't sitting unaided yet but I am looking forward to when he does so I can then sit with him and face him, rather than supporting him or him sitting in my legs away from me IYSWIM.

I think sheer exhaustion has taken over now and I am no longer running on the adrenelin you have during the newborn months. When DH left for work yesterday, I almost cried. I was so jealous that he was going to be talking to adults and using his brain and getting a break. I do get to the gym so get 3 hours off a week but I miss my job and I think that if DS was all smiles it would compensate but when he isn't, I kind of think that I gave up my career for a baby that doesn't like me. Sounds mad I know.

I do understand where you are coming from. Have you only recently started feeling like this? Everything you are saying is perfectly normal - and a natural reaction to be whinged at all day - and certainly something most of us on here have felt at one time or another!

Make sure you look after you though - just when you said ' a baby that doesnt like me ' - that sounded exactly like me when I had pnd. Im not saying it is that at all - and quite often a bad day and pnd can be very similar - just you get a lot more bad days with pnd. I am not trying to put this on you...just look after yourself .

Have you tried talking to your HV just to off load? What about your friends with babies in real life? I always found when I started they all did too!

Hope you have had some smiles today...it can be unrelenting cant it.

I found around 4-5 months was the hardest - and the health visitor also suggested getting out of the house with him. It actually turned out that he needed a nap really early on in the day (I think he was waking around 6.30 or 7 but needed a nap around 9am) and the only way I've ever managed to get him to sleep is in the buggy. So mornings were a rush to get out of the house after that! DS is now 22mo and is a chirpy happy baby (apart from today but that's because we're both exhausted from a day out yesterday - I'm on the chocolate already).

Thank you Numptymum. Like you, I too have found from 3 months onwards the hardest - the newborn stuff was easy in comparison.

When DS got grizzly this morning, I put him in his jumperoo, and we had a nice walk and he has been really good - ha ha till the next time. I think I am finding it hardest of all not being able to control every aspect of my day like I used to - I am a self confessed control freak perfectionist

Thanks Peppa, I know I need to talk more to people about the way I feel and I do tend to keep things hidden from family and friends as I don't want to worry them, nor come across as not coping as they might think me a failure - more the latter if I'm honest. I have felt like this since he was about 3 months old and have thought about PND, and even considered calling my HV, but I figured as I have more good days than bad, that I'm probably ok.

HarryB - I did actually get quite depressed around this time, because of all the things you describe. I found the early days fairly easy - actually wondered what to do with myself sometimes! But I think from around 3-6 months were tough because DS looked to me for more stimulation, toys only had limited interest, and I found it exhausting. Plus I could never get him to nap, so until I clicked that about the early morning nap it was really tough; grizzly baby, unhappy me. I'm not sure when the turning point was, whether it was just that I spoke to someone (inc HV) about it or that I just figured out a few tricks, but it's a hard learning curve. Playgroup might be a really good thing at this age - I always thought they were for toddlers but now I'm going to one, there are lots of mums with 2nd babies etc and it gets you out, and gives your DC stuff to do/look at...

i second an early nap. dd4 is up at 6-7am, and usually has a cat nap around 9am when i'm out witrh her on the school run.

Nahui, we had a bumbo, but DS hated it - he is a real kicker and he couldn't kick in it. The jumperoo is the only thing he's really got excited about. I think he likes being more on our level.

He does take about 4 naps throughout the day but they are rarely longer than 30 mins at a time. Where are these 2 hour lunch time naps that my friends have told me about

You are NOT doing anything wrong! This is just a phase - keep saying that to yourself.

Our DD always needed a nap about 9-ish when she was smaller but her naps were always just 30/40 mins. Only now that she is 8 months does she have one long nap and one shorter one. Also, she only started liking her bumbo when she could sit up herself anyway, about 6.5 months.

The constant whinging did get to me too so I tended to go out somewhere every day after her 9-ish nap. Being in the pram looking at all the people, lights, shop windows etc in the shopping centre amused her and stopped the whining. Meeting up with other mums and having a chat is good too and seeing other people is good for baby entertainment too.

We also started to give her a dummy for naps which helped to get her off and she got it occasionally when she was grumpy and it really helped. The whiny stage is hard but it does get better and you really aren't doing anything wrong. Getting a break occasionally is also really important. Even if its just reading a magazine in a cafe while DS sleeps in his pram. Or get someone else (if you have anyone else!) to take him out for an hour or two so you can have a rest/nap/watch tv.

Our DD is much more able to amuse herself while I get things done now. I am just preparing myself for the next stage - crawling! Yikes!!

Good luck, and remember, it does get better.

Hi Harryb. Just to agree that you are not doing anything wrong, you are not a bad mummy for having a scream next door or missing adult conversation or work.
I went through exactly what you are describing. Feeling guilty about it makes you worse. I remember walking along the canal path with my 19 month dd and new born dd asleep in the buggy and I was in floods. Had to really shake myself and try to think of all the good things. Like the fact that dh was in a boring meeting and I was walking in the country with 2 sleeping babies!
It gets easier, it really does. I would second the sling advice. I know it's a pain but at least you can do housework or go out for a walk. Try anything. I was dead against dummies but I even tried one, didn't work though!
Oh yes, both mine definately need an early morning sleep at this age too.

Everybody has already offered loads of advice, but just wanted to say again about a 9am nap - DS was up from 5am at this age, and often wanted a sleep straight after breakfast. Usually only 40 mins(at this age he was having 5 x 40 min naps a day!) but was much happier afterwards.

And yes... get out of the house early

I'd also second having a chat with your HV or GP, just incase you're starting with PND... it might really help.

Thanks everyone. It's good to hear that this is a phase and it will pass. I have switched our afternoon walk to mornings now and he is snoozing besides me as I type.