How many times do you answer a single (repeated) question from your dc(toddler)?

[notevenamousie]

For example, dd (2.6)and I are eating roast chicken at lunchtime.
DD:can I have some butter?
Me:no, you don't eat butter on roast chicken.
DD:can I have some butter?
Me:no, dd, you can't.
DD:can I have some butter?
Me:why do you want butter on your chicken?
DD:can I have some butter?
Me:?????

We have had this today over a "ride" at Tesco, where she asked I don't know how many times if she could go on it, if she could have more juice, I could go on...

I want her to feel listened to, but where do you draw the line, and what do you say?? I mean, I could say "I'm only answering any given question 3 times" but it's hardly fair when you're only 2 and have an inbuilt endless repeater system!

Have you read How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen so Kids Will Talk?

I found it quite useful for this sort of thing.

My DS went through a phase of asking 'who are you', 'what's your name' 'how old are you' to me. I think when he was about 3 - 5. I figured it was due to needing some sort of reassurance but it was so annoying. Every day to ask your mum who she was!

Thankfully he's grown out of it now.

I answer a couple of times - two or three - then I ask the question back, and once they have given right the answer and you've said over-enthusiastically, "that's right, clever girl" (sorry to stereotype but it's dd that does it, not the boys!) then they[she] seem to stop it

...if only to move on to the next question

sorry - either my brain, typing or grammar have gone in the bin tonight

We are just starting on this phase with DD so have some sympathy!

My sister reckons they're not remotely interested in the answer, they just want your attention, which makes sense to me.

I answer 2-3 maybe 4 times, then no more.

For example ;
dd : mummy, what are you doing?
me : getting dinner ready
dd : ok (then off she goes for a few mins, then comes back with this...........!)
dd : Mummy whats your name?
me : Mummy
dd : But it's not!
me : Yes it's mummy
dd : ok

2-3 times and then I lose patience and say "you know that, don't you, DD?" I know I should be more patient, but I am just not.

DS 3.4yrs has been doing this for a while. Todays conversation was...

DS: Is daddy going to work?
ME: Yes
DS: Mummy, is daddy going to work today?
ME: I just told you yes!
DS: Is daddy going golf?
ME: NoOOO
DS: So daddies going to work then?
ME: ARGHHHH!!!!

Most days we have conversations like this!

He's also going through a phase of asking me unanswerable questions like...

DS see's a random little girl in the park with her mum and says.

DS: Mummy whats that girls name?
ME: I don't know!
DS: Whats her mummy's name then?
ME: I don't know!
DS: Gives me a disgusted look and says...WHY??

And most recently..Mummy where does the wind go when it blows??

Oh, also we had this the other day ;

Collected dd from Playschool & was walking home..

Me : Did you have a nice day at Playschool? What did you do today?
Dd : Yes, but I cried.
Me : Why did you cry?
Dd : Don't say why to me!!! I'm not telling you

Wtf!!?! She's 3.4yo!

i answer until i understand why the question is coming. or else say (nicely) "why do you keep asking, what do you want to know about?"

noteven, why couldn't your dd have some butter on her chicken?

Mine's 5 and just keeps going.

Mummy, can you do this puzzle with me?

Me - in a minute dd, I'm just in the middle of loading the dishwasher

Mummy I'm waiting for you.

Me - Yes dd, as I said, in a minute.

Mummy, I'm still waiting for you. I have all the pieces ready.

Me - Aargh, yes I'll be with you in a sec.

Daddy, can you do this jigsaw with me. Mummy said she would but i have been waiting for AGES!

Daddy - of course i can dd.

Me - Gets the gin out.

I've had similar today. I get so fustrated just answering the same thing. I never know whether to stop answering.

I used to answer the number of times that I thought was reasonable. If the question came again, I would say: "you know I've already answered you dd/ds, did you understand my answer?" - dd or ds nods - then I'd say "well, I'm afraid I'm not going to answer that question any more so if you ask me again you are not going to hear an answer from me, is that ok?"

All said in a friendly manner. Seemed to work.

They do it because they want to make conversation but aren't sophisticated enough to know how. They just blunder on prolonging the discussion any way they can. They're practising being real people .

Mintyy I copied what you'd said, this morning when ds was questioning me. it actually worked and he moved off the questioning and ate his breakfast.

I answer properly a few times and then say something totally random

eg to return to the OP:

DD:can I have some butter?
me: of course you can - here you are [then give her a table mat or something]
DD: that's not butter
me: yes it is [I then try to spread the chicken with the table mat]. Can't you see it's all yellow?

I don't know whether that's a good idea or not, but at least it breaks the monotony.

or

DS: why is this a table?
me: Because the table gorilla just came and sat on it
DS: I don't see a gorilla
me: [make gorilla noises]

actually that looks really silly written down, but anyway, that's what I do when DS asks repeated daft questions.

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