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Parenting

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Original poster

Mindreaders needed .....What is wrong with my ds?

10 replies

Comewhinewithme · 12/06/2009 16:24

DS is 11 he has never really had any problems in school .
He is very bright and one of the most popular boys in his class (according to his teacher) .
He has suddenly turned very weepy and always looks miserable .
All week he has tried to find reasons to stay off school and this morning woke up with a cough which was very dramatic then at 8am he suddenly burst into tears and declared he has stomach ache it is very unlike him to cry anymore or be ill so I did believe him but then he made a very swift recovery .
I walked to school with him and his younger sisters and he was fine also fine in assembly then at 12pm school rang he had a headache and could we go pick him up ?

He came home looking sorry for himself but not ill IYSWIM? no temp none of his usual habits he has when he is really ill .
As soon as it got to 3pm he recovered and started talking about football and could he please go on the x-box .

I am really worried about him though it is not like him and he won't tell me anything I have asked if everything is ok at school and with friends and he says yes but I just have a gut feeling that something is wrong and he is keeping it in .

I can not put across how much him behaving like this is not normal I don't want this new miserable son I want my happy confident boy back .
Any advice please TIA .

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FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 12/06/2009 16:25

Hormones or a problem at school? It may be worthwhile speaking to his teacher.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 12/06/2009 16:26

Is he being bullied? Sudden change in behaviour, unhappy to be at school. Could be. perhaps another word with the teacher.

Original poster

Comewhinewithme · 12/06/2009 16:35

I thought bullying but he says not and I have had a word with his teacher and she said he seemed tired but she hadn't noticed anything untoward.

Wonder if he is worried about starting big school in Sept ? .

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AMumInScotland · 12/06/2009 16:35

There's something or someone at school he wants to avoid. It could be bullying. It could be he's fallen out with a friend, or done something he's embarrassed about and his friends are teasing him. It could be a teacher, or tests. It could be he fancied a girl and she's now going out with someone else and he can't bear to see her (that one depends on age and hormones, 11 is young, but not always too young).

If you can manage it, find a chance to sit him down and say "look, I can tell there's something up. I won't laugh or get mad, but I need to know what it is" It may be something "important" or it may be something that just feels important when you're 11.

Then, when you know what it is, you can discuss how he can deal with it, with or without your help as appropriate.

Khara · 12/06/2009 17:22

My ds1 (11 this month) has started acting a bit out of character. He just seems a bit mopey and sad. I'm also thinking it maybe that he's feeling a bit strange about leaving his primary school & many of his friends and moving up to big school.

bumpybecky · 12/06/2009 17:39

is it sports day soon?

I hated sports at school and would do anything to try and avoid it! perhaps it's a certain lesson, teacher or working with particular people he's avoiding

JeffVadar · 12/06/2009 18:08

If he is trying to avoid going to school it definitely sounds like something has happened there - a fight or a bit of bullying maybe.

I would have another go at talking with him, say you know that something is wrong and be very persistent. It could just be his hormones - it is a very up and down time for them!

The same goes for his teacher too; they may not have noticed anything up until now, but if you alert them they may be able to find out more.

It may be a bit sneaky, but how well do you know his friends? Could you ask one of them if they know anything.

I hope you get to the bottom of it sooon, whatever it is.

BiscuitStuffer · 12/06/2009 20:33

I agree. Definitely something going on at school.

Bribe him to talk to you if needs be.

maria1665 · 12/06/2009 20:43

Is his dad around? Sometimes, fellas can find out more. DH takes DS for a long trek over the hills every now and again, and they will deal with man to man issues then. It drives me mad when DH won't tell me everything they were talking about!

In my experience, the teachers wouldn't know if something was up - it does sound like a playground/lunchtime thing.

lljkk · 13/06/2009 18:09

I don't perceive that it has to be bullying, it could be anything. But it's worth noting that victims of bullying often blame themselves, to involve a parent or other adult makes them feel even worse -- it's proof of their inadequacy. Telling an adult also turns them into a grass, and we all know how bad that is. If the school is ineffective after you've grassed, having spoken up encourages the bully to do even worse than before.

You could ask about bullying and if he still won't confirm or deny anything, bring up those issues about why it's hard for victims of bullying to talk about it. His reaction may reveal or rule out what's been going on.

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