Losing control

[Schnullerbacke]

Bit of background: DD1 is 2.7, DD2 is 13 weeks.
PIL have just arrived to stay for 3 months but hey, thats another story.

DD1 has always been a bit whiny but otherwise a really good kid. But the whining is beginning to really grind me down. Maybe there were too many changes in the last few weeks but she has been ok with change in the past. I just saw my parents and my Mum said she was as good as gold when they spent some time with her, going for walks etc but as soon as I showed up, she started her whinging and whining routine.

Maybe she is in some way jealous of her little sister, she loves her to bits though and I do spend a lot of time with DD1. We read, puzzle, go to playground - all sorts of stuff really and DD2 is not always involved in that so I would say she does have quite a bit of one-on-one time.

Now that PIL have arrived she is getting even more attention but I feel like the rug is being pulled from under my feet. I still spend a lot of time with her, tell her to come to me when she feels tired or wants a cuddle instead of just starting to whine but nothing works. If nothing else, I feel as if her behaviour is actually getting worse and this is the first time that I do feel at wits end.

When we go out for walks etc I tell her that I want to be good and not whine as otherwise we will go straight back home. So is very happy walking next to me, chatting etc. But otherwise, oh my god, its driving me insane.

So she is getting lots of attention, she knows I won't talk to her when she whines and whinges so she is not really getting an reaction that way (except me telling her that I am ignoring her when she is like that), what is going on?

Is it just that age? Do I need to shower her with 24 hour one-to-one attention? Someone please help as I am beginning to resent her in these situations. Attachment parenting tips are especially welcome.

Thanks.

I think partley that age, but we had a sudden loss of confidence which caused servere clingy and winey which was linked to soemthing else (i think awareness of his own lack of social skill). It improved eventually but we had another stage of agresiveness and rewarded good behaviour with alloted special one-to-one time. Agression cause loss of that time. So that approach might work, if you stick with it.

DON'T think you can give her 24hour 1-2-1 it isn't possible and it wouldn't do her any favours in the long run.

You're not a bad parent - just a parent in a difficult situation trying to do their best. Repeat this mantre

Your second child is very young and there is almost always some sort of reaction from first children when their first sibling arrives. Sounds like you are doing everything right adn you just need to ride it out and wait until she gets past this phase. I wouldn't give her excessive amounts of your time as it sounds like you are already doing lots with her and you don't want to give her an unrealistic view of what life is like with 2 children in the family IYSWIM.

Have you read this book:-

www.amazon.co.uk/Three-Shoes-One-Sock-Hairbrush/dp/0304354295/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1244445 760&sr=1-1

It is great at making you feel better about having a second child and how it affects everyone in the family. When I was struggling it made me feel like I wasn't alone!!