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Original poster

please help...

45 replies

mum2b09 · 30/05/2009 00:13

a few weeks ago my 10 weekold baby fell asleep with her eyes open and when i went to look over her moses basket i got the fright of my life when her eyes didnt move and i couldnt get her attention... for a few seconds i thought id lost my beautiful dd and havnt slept a secon since.. she woke up and was fine but my paranoya wont let me rest.

Im not sleeping because im watching over her moses for 90% of he night and its really starting to get me down. I realy dont know what to do i havnt slept in so long im so tired and feeling really depressed please help

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Original poster
mum2b09 · 30/05/2009 00:19

bump

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wrinklytum · 30/05/2009 00:23

I think in the early weeks it is easy to have these "bizarre thoughts".I think it is some kind of protection mechanism as a new mum...I had bad dreams about them not waking up and so on.Hopefully it will pass but if you are finding it is impacting on your day to day life discuss it with your gp or hv xx

Mumofagun · 30/05/2009 00:25

Oh dreadful for you ! What have the professionals said, health visitor, GP etc! Have you had her checked out at the hospital?

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LynetteScavo · 30/05/2009 00:27

Definately have a chat with your GP or HV.

It's normal to feel like this with you first baby...I lost count of how many times I woke DS1 up to make sure he was still alive, but you should be able to get some sleep.

Have you thought about using a monitor that monitors babys breathing? At least that way you would be sure your baby is OK.

I really think you should discuss your lack of sleep with your GP though.

Original poster
mum2b09 · 30/05/2009 00:33

i havn spoke 2 anyone yeti jus find myself crying lokingover her moses i love her 2 bits and dont feel like iv got pnd or anything its just thi fear of her not waking up

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LynetteScavo · 30/05/2009 00:35

To be a great mum you need to get enough sleep.

Have you tried lavender oil or anything to help you sleep?

My DD sometimes sleeps with her eyes open - very odd, and unnerving!

Mumofagun · 30/05/2009 00:39

Mum2b09, maybe you haven't got PND but you've had an awful, fright, your hormones are all over the place and you are seriously sleep deprived. This is so not good for you. You musn't be scared, it's reassurance that you want and that's what you'll get if you speak to someone. There's nothing wrong with you at all apart from all of the above which is totally normal. FGS please relieve yourself of this burden and both of you at least go and see the GP or talk to the HV when they next come to visit. What about family support? Surely you've told someone what happened? It's a really hard time for you but you need an explanation. I have absolutely no experience of what you have described but if this is relatively normal then surely you would want someone to put your mind at rest so that you can enjoy being her mum? If something may be amiss then you really have to get it explored.

ClaudiaSchiffer · 30/05/2009 00:40

mum2b09, sweetie how horrid for you, you obviously got a helluva fright.

This worry is common to most, if not all, mums of tiny babies. The paranoia does lessen with time, I found that as the baby became stronger/older my heart gripping fear that they would die in the night did fade.

However it does sound that if you are so scared you are not allowing yourself to get any sleep you are feeding this anxiety in an unhealthy way. I would suggest the following steps . . .

  1. GET SOME SLEEP NOW
  1. Make an appt to discuss this with your GP or HV
  1. Discuss your fears with other rl mums, I'm sure you will find that we all felt/feel the same - but you HAVE to try to get some sleep. Otherwise you will make yourself very ill.

Being a parent brings with it terrific love and adoration for our babies, unfortunately this is allied with the most awful fear of something terrible happening to them. But we must put these fears to the back of our minds as to focus on this fear is VERY unhelpful.

Now, off to bed with you.

xxx

shabster · 30/05/2009 00:40

Can I just agree with other posts? Please tell your HV or GP. I never knew the meaning of the word Mother or bonding before I had children - but having had 4 sons I really understand now.

Worrying is going to spoil your early months with your precious baby. Ask for advice from professionals and try to relax - so easy for other people to say xxxxx

Niecie · 30/05/2009 00:40

I agree with mumofagun - I think you need to get your DD checked out by the doctors. Not because I think there is anything wrong with her but because I think you need to hear that from a professional.

You can't function unless you are getting some sleep and you need to put your mind at rest to achieve that.

Do you have a partner who can keep an eye on your DD whilst you get some rest, at least as a short term measure?

Mumofagun · 30/05/2009 00:42

There you go, LS says her baby sometimes did it. You've made a step by talking on here. If this is totally normal, you need to start relaxing and sleeping and I still think sharing your worries will help.

ClaudiaSchiffer · 30/05/2009 00:44

I do remember having to occasionally shut my babys eyes when they were tiny. Maybe they are like sharks and can sleep with eyes open? Wierd, but hopefully normal?

shabster · 30/05/2009 00:53

Hope this is of some help

Original poster
mum2b09 · 30/05/2009 00:55

i havnt really spoke to my dp hes in bed because hes got work 2morrow and im just up with dd asleep next to me i just cant sleep if i think for a second shes not breathing i panic i don want to tell anyne about it becase i feel so guilty for thinking id lost her. i just keep thinkin back an looking at her and thinking she was gone iv never been so frihtened in all m life i just dont kow what to do im so tired but sleeping isnt an option

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ClaudiaSchiffer · 30/05/2009 00:55

Well done Shabster x

Mumofagun · 30/05/2009 00:59

mum2b09 Shabster has come up trumps for tonight! Now will you stop feeling guilty for being a first time mum, try to rest , if not sleep and make an appointment with the GP like others have said to get that professional judgement put on it. I'm sure DS is fine. Mum needs to be too!

shabster · 30/05/2009 00:59

Thank you. You have to voice your fears my darling. Nobody will think you are 'crazy' or 'weird' - they will just think you are a loving new mummy. My one and only grandchild is 1 years old next week and I still havent got the faintest idea what I am doing with him - and the poor lad comes to me everyday while his Mummy goes to work. Being a parent is such a hard job...you sound so tired and worried. Please take care xxxx

Mumofagun · 30/05/2009 00:59

Sorry DD!

Original poster
mum2b09 · 30/05/2009 01:00

i know its a relief to know theres nothing wrong with her and the sleeping with eyes open is normal but it doesnt take away this gripping fear tha im going 2 lose her 1 day is it normal 2 feel like this?

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shabster · 30/05/2009 01:03

Very, very normal. I remember looking at my sons and thinking how beautiful they all were and that I was a complete numpty!!! Every day we would do the 'why are they crying - hungry, dirty nappy, colic, etc etc etc' Then I convinced myself they didnt like me You cant help it - you look at this beautiful, tiny baby who needs you and your heart melts and your brain disappears and everything is scary. I dont know of one Mummy who hasnt felt this way xx

Mumofagun · 30/05/2009 01:03

You bet it's normal cos as a first time mum (sleep deprived an all), you're showing how much you are there for her protecting her!! That's what hormones are for!!!No one said it was going to be easy but it soon passes and the light will shine at the end of that tunnel. You've got to enjoy DD!! She's there, she's yours and you concern shows what a great mum you are and will continue to be!!

shabster · 30/05/2009 01:05

I have just turned the tv over to UK Gold and am watching life at the other end of the spectrum. The episode where the menopausal daughter is trying to look after her ageing Mum....thats what it is like in my family at the moment. I am being a Mum to my Mum....life turns in massive circles and we learn and grow with it. xx

Original poster
mum2b09 · 30/05/2009 01:07

thanx girls really helps to know im not the only one in the world thinking like tis.. i feel so guilty for not just enjoying my beautiful dd butit seems 2 have taken over my life. i think its just that i relly did think she was gone and i couldnt go through that for real it was the worst moment of my life just for that split second.

Iv hard tat you can buy breathing monitors that sound if they stop breathing for a period of time do you think its worth asing my gp about this?

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Mumofagun · 30/05/2009 01:08

Sweetie, go and get a milky drink or whatever does it for you, then do a few breathing exercises in bed. Try and think of something random but nice like warm sun on your face on a beach blah blah, and try (not too hard cos it defeats the object) just to get at least an inunterrupted hour of sleep at least. Trust me, for different reasons I went 5 months with no more than 1/2 hour sleep a night. Do not end up like me, I didn't ask for help soon enough!! Is abath a possibility?

Original poster
mum2b09 · 30/05/2009 01:08

sorry for the rediculous sleep deprived sentancees i can barely type

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