Do you need a routine for an 8 week old?

[Cosmogirl]

Hi,

My DD is 8 weeks old. We haven't established any sort of 'routine' with her and I have just been bfing on demand and going with the flow really. She naps a few times during the day and then tends to go to bed when we do - could be 9 pm or 10/11. At night she is sleeping generally 4 or 5 hours then waking for a feed then goes back to sleep for another 2 hours wakes again and goes back to sleep again for say another 1 or 2 hours.

It seems to be working well I think, however, everywhere I turn people are talking about routines, GF etc and getting babies into a bedtime routine so they will sleep from 7 to 7 etc... Am I making a mistake by doing what I am doing? I can't see how I can get her to bed at 7 each night...

Bit confused by it all as a first time mum - any advice gratefully received. Thanks.

Keep going Cosmo you're doing fab!
Mine haven't followed a routine either (dd1 did but I've no idea how).
She will find her own routine in time, maybe she has one now.
Sounds like the sleeping/feeding pattern is spot for her age. As long as she's happy and you're happy pay no heed. Attachment Parenting by William Sears is a lovely book to read if you wanted some reassurance about your approach.

You do have a routine - a routine of following your baby's needs! Don't get hung up over predictable timings or the mythical 'sleeping through the night' - all these things will happen on their own in their own time. If you have the inclination, there's no harm in doing more 'bed-time' type things in the evening, eg. bath, turn off tv, dim lights, close curtains and read stories or play soft music, so that your dd gradually associates these activities with calming down and night time, - then you can tell any nosy people that you do have a bedtime routine - but really, I agree, it sounds like you're doing exactly what you need to do. The rest will follow in due course.

Sounds like you are doing fab. I tried to follow a "well known" routine and dd1 really didn't like it ....

So I changed my ideas and followed her own routine and she loved it - did the same with the other 2.

Dd1 is now 9 and has her own bedtime routine (including excessive teeth brushing and facewashing with mild exfoliant as she has just started to get a couple of spots! I feel so old!!!!).

But your routine at 8 weeks sounds like ours. Go with the flow - it works!

I think it depends on what you are happy with - I was going crazy with a 6 week old ds1 bf and crying all the time - a routine got him feeding properly and made sure he had enough sleep which made him a happier baby. Bed at 7 means I get to have a couple of baby free hours which saves my sanity. Have done the same with DS2.

however if you are happy you don't need to do anything.

That's pretty much exactly what my 7 week old is doing. He tends to be awake most of the morning, asleep most of the afternoon, then is awake in the evening and he falls asleep anywhere between 9 and 10:30. Then he has a five hour stretch of sleep, give or take half an hour, feeds, then has another 2 and a half hours, feeds then another one or two hours.
They get their own routines, one shouldn't be forced upon them or you'll both end up stressed out.

Thanks so much for the responses. TBH you've told me what I was hoping to hear. I think I was just losing a bit of confidence in my approach because I've been listening to what other people are doing. I'll carry on as we are because it definitely seems to be keeping DD and us happy so far.

Hi Sorky

Oh and thanks for the Sears tip - am off to google the book

cosmo, just do what makes you happy! I am a control freak and have a routine, but not half as strictly as I did with DS (2.7) He is a great sleeper and eater, but could just be how he is or could be the routine, we'll never know!. It does seem sensible with young kids to get them eating and sleeping at roughly the same times, and a nice bedtime series of events relaxes them and shows them it's time for sleeping. I get them both in bed by 8 pm, and I do wake DD (9 weeks) for a feed at 11, put her down at 12 and she usually goes till 5 or 6 am.

Today I went out with DD nearly all day, her routine was shot to pieces but we both had a nice day and I realised I've been far too rigid about it in the past, I was really a slave to the routine! So routines can really help but they can become a prison cell for the mother, it's all about balance imo..

Hi Gem,

The problem I've got with trying to put DD down at a certain time each night is that at the mo she is sleeping in her carrycot next to our bed. We live in a three storey house and her nursery is on 2nd floor, our bedroom top floor, so we want to keep her in our room until she is sleeping through the night because of night feeds etc. and also SIDs risk dropping after 6 ms.. In the evenings she is in the lounge with us either in her vibro chair or carrycot or on laps and because we are talking or have tv on it is difficult to do a bedtime routine as such...

Does that make any sense? I guess if I could put her to sleep in her own room in her big cot it would be easier but then I'd have to transfer her into carrycot when we go to bed....

She's just dropped off to sleep in her chair

Hi. Congratulations on your new baby! This was a few years ago for me now, my youngest is 2.9yrs and growing quickly!

When my first DD1 was about 2 weeks old I decided to get her into some kind of 'routine' but just for bedtime so I had a bit of me time and time where she wasnt right by my side the whole time. I took her up and bathed her at 7pm for instance and then would feed her and put her down in the moses basket in our room with baby monitor on. I had the monitor which monitored heart beat to so that was a big reasurance for me! She did so well sleeping up there on her own and then I would 'dream feed' her when I went to bed and put her back down again.

I did the same for DD2, maybe from a week old though I was putting her up to bed and again it worked really well.

Both of my girls have been fab sleepers, 7pm to 8am ish, never wake in night. I do believe that babies should have abit of a routine from a young age as it makes it easier as they get older but then everyones views of routine are different! I also tried the 'well known' routine and stressed myself out so much that I gave up!

Hope that has maybe given you an idea of what our routine was kind of like!

Sounds like your doing fab and congratulations.

I think it sounds like you're doing just fine, she's still really tiny and if you feel later on that she would benefit from having a set bedtime then you can re-assess. I spent so much of the early weeks worrying and stressing that I was doing it all wrong, I really wish i knew then what I know now and enjoyed it a bit more!

Keep up the good work!

Hi Cosmo

DS2 (four weeks) is doing very similar BF on demand, three or four naps a day, bed around 9pm (I do put him upstairs though, with a video monitor I need to sit down and have a glass of wine sans children!). Gradually I'll bring bedtime forward when he stops the evening cluster feeding. Naps will never be on a strict routine as we have to fit around nursery, playgroups etc for DS1.

With DS1 I stressed so much about routine in the early days -- to the point of staying spending hours trying to get him to nap, rather than relaxing and letting him sleep when he wanted to. I'm not about to do that with DS2!

I'm a routine fan, but as aothers ahve said, you need to find your own routine with your baby. Imposing one on a wee baby doesn't work as I found out rather quickly!

Try to ignore 'rod for your own back' comments and find your own way.

ANd welcome to being a Mother - never before was I so judged/advised/bullied, often by complete strangers in supermarkets! Most people do mean well, but bear in mind when someone profers parenting advice it is usually a sub-concsious way of justifying their own parenting methods. I include myself in this btw.

...however, I should add that all advice on MN is FABULOUS.
Nah, seriously, it is great. DS was about 6 mths before I joined and it made a big differnce.

I didn't bother until DD was about 6 months. Even then it was very flexible. For many people I know, the 'routine' became a source of stress in itself. But if you feel like it you could give it a try. If not, don't.

I seem to remember that they don't really start remembering things (except for your face and your breast natch) until about 4 months, so routines are less effective until then. Might give you a while to see how you feel and work out what you want to do.

I say forget routines!! DS was my first child and I was desperate to get into some sort of routine - I think because I felt I didn't know what I doing and wanted some sense of control. Had him in his own room from the off and I came across my "breast feeding diary" about a year ago and was left slack jawed at what a numpty I was then. (Jeesh! Time, side length, sleeps nappies I even wrote down when he pooed! Why? What was I thinking!?) Had my DD 4 years later and didn't even attempt a routine - ds started school a few weeks after she was born and we had no choice but to fit in around his school routine - I used a ring sling (fab), didn't even use a buggy for 6 months, and if she cried I popped a boob in her mouth. We've co-slept and I (normally) don't lose any sleep. It has been way less stressful. DD is 20m still breastfed and still co-sleeping (which I fully realise might not work so well with those with more active social lives!) but she's a very happy girl and it's worked for us - It's likely something else could be the best way for you - but I'm certain the most important thing is to trust and follow your instincts. Congratulations by the way !

Forget to say, it sounds like your doing a fantastic job too.

cosmo, know it's a hassle but what about just putting the cot in your room? I def notice my DD sleeps better not in the living room with stuff going on. we don't have a separate room for her (DS is in it!), so she's in with us, but in a cot beside our bed..