Help I am in a poo nightmare

[NFarmer]

My dd is 3 yrs and 2 months. I thought we had toileting almost cracked when she was 2 1/2. She was dry and clean most of the time with just the occasional accident. Then along came baby no 2 and suddenly every poo is either in knickers or on the floor. I feel like I have tried everything to encourage her to do the poo in the loo or on the potty. I believe she does know when it is coming as she will run and hide under a table or behind a chair or squat beside a bed to do her business. She can sit on the loo for ages, tell me she doesn't need to do a poo or even that she doesn't want to do a poo, then literally 2 minutes later - there it is, large as life and just as stinky - in her knickers or on the floor. This has been going on for so long now that I am getting to the end of my tether. I am trying to stay calm but it is becoming more and more difficult. Does anyone have any advice? Please.

My friend had the same trouble. She found just changing and not speaking the best solition. She would change her daughter and not say a word, no ey contact or anything. Although she was also wetting herself. I also followed this advice when my son did the same during march. He was looking for attention. It was easter hols and his older brother wasnt at nursery and my parents were away so he never got any 1-2-1 attention.
HTH

Thanks - this is one of the things I have been trying to do. I shall endeavor to continue that too. I have also been trying to arrange times for someone else to look after the baby so that I can have time with no 1. Even that doesnt seem to have any impact so far.

I am in the same nightmare and need help. 2 1/2 yr old who I started toilet training 2 months ago. She is dry but poos in her pants all the time - I am at the end of my tether as I've tried everything.

I found that it helped to treat training for poo and wee as separate things - your dd sounds as if she's ready for the one, julsie, and not the other. Does she have predictable times for a poo, when you could either pop her onto the potty or give her a nappy? My dd would only poo in a nappy for well over a year after being dry, and from what I've read here on MN it's not unusual.

nfarmer - I've got the suspicion this problem is directly linked with having baby 2. My dd regressed for a while when ds arrived. First of we let her be, then we were 'mean' and kept telling her that 'big girls don't need a nappy'... though

julsie ... we had the same problem as you for ages... dd was dry aged 2.5 but no. 2's she would only do in nappies. We tried bribing, star charts, grabing her when she was about to do one in teh nappy and holding her on the toilet (with lots of screaming from her part) but nothing worked. BUT 4 days ago, the 'if you do no.2 on the toilet we can bake some Barbie cake' suddenly worked! Fair enough it was on the potty, in the living room, watching Dora the Explorer but it was a start! Now 4 days later she still goes on the potty but now in the bathroom. So problem cracked.

Basically what I'm trying to say with all this blurp... when they're ready they'll do the business where it's supposed to be, unless of course they use it as a 'blackmail' tool iykwim

Best of luck to both of you. I know how desparing it can get! You will get there though I'm certain of it.

Thanks for the advice. I just got so cross today. We started a star chart last Sat - one for Mummy and one for Isabelle and she only has 2 stickers. She can go on the toilet but there is no consistency.The HV suggested no pants and I tried this today but she just pooed in her pants.

After lunch i asked her 3 times if she needed a poo and she said no so i went to change her brother's nappy and when i came down she had pooed in her trousers and i was furious. i am on my own here which doesn't help the stress levels!

Generally she poo's at night time in her nappy with the odd poo ( last 3 days) in her pants. Any more advise welcome.

Julsie, are you sure she recognises when she needs a poo? If she doesn't know when she needs one then it doesn't matter how often you ask her, she won't be able to tell you.

I know it's hard but try not to be angry with her. She's still quite young and may simply not have made the connection yet.

My two ds both went through this with the eldest waking me up in the morning to show me his beautiful picture hed drawn with poo finger on the wall.
i've found taking the emphasis off the situation worked wonders. Just changed pants cleaned em up and carried. With each day id do something for them to look forward to such as gong to park, walking, seaside, model making anything once a day so that the day wasn't about cleaning s**t up.
Every now and again as they are both still young it reocurs but have found they are coming down with something or they need more cuddles.
My HV told me to put myself in my eldest shoes when youngest was born she said imagine how youd feel if your dh brought home another woman to live in your house and use your things and having his attention and that it was kind of the same thing for toddler. Didnt stop me from wanting to string eldest up though.
Hope you have a poo free zone soon

I spoke the HV last week and she has suggested putting a toy away each time my daughter does a poo in her knickers. I am trying this but already (after only one weekend) I feel absolutely terrible. Yesterday, my daughter did a poo on the toilet and I was elated - I let her choose one of her toys to have back and she was thrilled too. Problem is that only half an hour later she needed to do another poo - I got her to the loo but she refused point blank to do the poo. Five minutes after I finally let her get off - there it was in her knickers. The saga continues.