Do you think it's worthwhile to "force" children to continue playing an instrument, even when they go through a not so keen phase?

[emkana]

Dd1 started playing the violin at the beginning of Yr 2 and really liked it.

Now she's coming to the end of Yr 3 she's not so keen because none of her friends are doing it and she sometimes misses playtime. She's sort of okay to carry on with the lessons, but really wants to stop orchestra which is on for an hour after school on Friday.

I want her to continue both lessons and orchestra. Am I wrong to make her?

I very much agree with what snorkle has written on this thread, in particular that many people regret as adults the enormous amount of time they spent learning and practising music as children that, with hindsight, they think could have been spent more productively on other activities.

I have never heard of one adult regretting being able to play an instrument well

You should get out more, Beetroot .

Ditto sports. I know loads of people (women especially) here in France whose parents forced them to play tennis and to go ski-ing for years and years and, as adults, they never play tennis or ski - they hate them both!

I'm all for all sorts of activities - but I do think that they need to be suited to the individual child and his/her talents and personality, rather than to the parents' ideals.

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I know far more people (me included) who regret that they stalled around grades 4/5...

Anna, I live among a community of musicians. And I go out a lot too, meeting for work many different people. Many of whom say they wish they had the chance to play when they were children

The same with sport, never met anyone who meant it when they said they played too much!

Well obviously they aren't going to regret it if they actually became musicians .

But people who don't make it to the end of the road, because they have no particular aptitude for the instrument or sport their parents wished upon them, can be very resentful in later life.

I have a very good friend who is an extremely talented painter. Her parents made her go ski-ing three times a year from age 4 to age 15. But was she allowed painting lessons? Oh no...

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and Anna - surly you can see why the friend was resentful.
Everyone can have fun with music if they 're taught well and practice. I don't agree that telling a child not to practice will help her find an enjoyment in music. She will not progress so will become even more disenchanted

"Everyone can have fun with music if they 're taught well and practice." This just isn't true. And you can replace the word "music" with "sport", "dance", "art", "languages" etc and it still won't be true.

agree Bloss - I have had many a fight with my kids

But I also think we should try to bring music to children at a much younger age.

How interesting that you can make this assumption. Children are like sponges, if they are taught well they can all enjoy music. Maybe not playing as such - although give a group of kids percussion instruemnts and all of them will find something to have fun with

sorry bloss but I do! My db is incredibly talented musically, went to music school, learned several instruments to grade 5, 6, 7 and 8.... hated it by about age 12, was desperate to leave and parents wouldn't let him (mother was music teacher, believed he should use the opportunity he had)... now he completely resents being forced to stay there.
He isn't active in instruments now, though he sings regularly, in fact has a choral scholarship from a cambridge college.

On the other hand I personally regret giving up the instruments I learned, though at the time I hated practising- I am a lot lazier than my brother.

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It is not necessary for children to spend huge amounts of time practising an instrument to become fairly proficient at it if they have a good ear. I am amazed at how much progress can be made during a 30 min lesson.

The kind of people who as adults resent the opportunities that were given to them as children are v ungrateful IMO and it is the parents I feel sorry for.

By giving your child the chance to learn an instrument you are not only making a financial commitment but you are also giving up your time in the hope that your child will learn something above and beyond the actual ability to play x,y or z instrument.

All that said, I do think that if a child is persistent in their desire to 'drop' an instrument and is making no progress or gaining any enjoyment then it would be a waste of the parents money and time for them to continue.

I learned the piano till I was 18

gOD knows why now.

WhiteFish perhaps you are still benefiting from the 'enhanced sensory experience'

Maybe typing lessons would have been more useful, WhiteFish

Thye probably would have!

I think it depends whether you think she likes it really, and this is just a blip - in which case, yes encourage her to keep going to get through this, and maybe take up some of the suggestions to improve things for her. Or whether she really genuinely doesn't like it and doesn't want to do it - in which case I think you have to consider whether your reasons for wanting her to continue really outweight her dislike.

I know we all have to do things in life we dislike, but you have to look at how important the reasons are, and whether they are important enough to be worth making her unhappy so regularly.

Dolly- I find this really odd-
"The kind of people who as adults resent the opportunities that were given to them as children are v ungrateful IMO and it is the parents I feel sorry for."

So- you are giving your dc opportunities so that they are grateful to you? Personally, I try to provide my dc with opportunities for their benefit, not mine.

Let me tell you what kind of person he is...

My brother is a polymath- not only is he musically talented, he has a 1st class B.Sc and a Distinction at M.Sc. in a science subject, he is also a British record holder in sport. Yes- he really resents being made to stay at music school and not have enough time to train for his sport- particularly the day he was turned down by the olympic selectors.

So you think a 8 yo should be made to practice instruments each morning and evening and not be allowed to take part in the activities he more interested in such as swimming, chess etc?

The commitment required from a child that attends a music school- Starting practice at 7.30, lessons all day, practice after school, singing services 7 days a week, with only 4 weeks off a year, evening performances too at regular intervals. It is a grueling schedule. There certainly isn't much opportunity to develop interests outside music, that is my experience- particularly when travel to/from home is factored in. He slept 6 hours a night from age 8

(sorry- prob v disjointed, am v tired)

dod?

???? justine?

ooh what did kerem say?