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Parenting

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Original poster

I want another baby but Im 42 and Hubby is 49...are we over the hill?

93 replies

bottletopbill · 22/05/2009 13:16

Didnt think I wanted anymore but I feel "sad" that my ds is an only child.

My Hubby is 50 nest May and feels he would be too old and not fair on child that when he's 10 he will be 60!!!

Just needed to get this off my chest!

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FabulousBakerGirl · 23/05/2009 20:16

My mother had me at about 19 but even at 45 she wouldn't have been ready for a child. Idiot.

Nancy66 · 24/05/2009 12:22

Not too old at all - ignore all the daft comments. I have a baby and, at 42, am fitter than most 20 somethings i know.

My dad was 22 when I was born but he still died when I was 9 - car crash. none of us knows when our number is up.

Laquitar · 24/05/2009 13:04

In my '20s i was smoking 40 a day . I am helthier and fitter now, in my 40's.It is not only age, i think the lifestyle is more important. Also the mental attidute. You can be an old 20yrs or a young 42. If you want it then go for it. Think of the positives (life experience, confidence, financial stability).

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elvislives · 24/05/2009 13:26

I got pg 3 times at age 42 (2 x mmc ) yet at 20 it took me almost 2 years to conceive my first. DD was born when I was 43.

My dad was 29 when I was born and he died when I was 33. DH's dad was 33 when he was born and is still alive and kicking at 81.

My mum's parents were both 92 when they died, yet FIL's parents both died when he was young so DH didn't know them. There are no guarantees. You could be run over by a bus tomorrow or you could live to get a telegram from the queen.

lostinthecitylover · 24/05/2009 20:30

I had first dc at 36, second at 40. My exh was 44 and 48.

he has gone on to have twins and will be 60 this year!

I do wonder what I would do if I got pg at 48 - it would certainly be a dilemma. I can see that age would not be on my side and would worry about all sorts of things but still would want that dc.

Don't think I am any less out of touch than other parents tbh

me23 · 24/05/2009 20:38

my mum had me when she was 35 and my dad was 49, I was constantly ridiculed for having grandparents as parents and as a consequence as I child I was very embarrassed by my parents.
my mum died when I was 22, and my dad now has dementia and I have to be a carer for him, which isn't something I envisaged doing in my 20's.

lostinthecitylover · 24/05/2009 20:43

I have no evidence that my dcs have been ridiculed for having older parents howeve we are both very young looking.

ClaireDeLoon · 25/05/2009 11:43

My parents were in their mid thirties when I was born which for the early 70's was very unusual and in no way was I ridiculed for having older parents. They are both still alive and relatively healthy.

me23 · 25/05/2009 11:46

obviously everyone will have different experiences. I was only giving the OP my experience. I love my parents and wouldn't change them for the world, but it has been a hard life. Not just because they were older obviously.

ramonaquimby · 25/05/2009 11:58

I wouldn't want to be having a baby at 42, would be too old for ME. Am knackered now (39) with my kids, youngest is 2.
you'll get widely varying opinions here, it's quite an emotive subject.

Countingthegreyhairs · 26/05/2009 10:11

Personally I find it's the emotional ups and downs you experience with children that are more draining than the physical aspects ...

I had my first at 42 and am still trying for no. 2 at 45 ...probably won't happen now ... but we would love it if it did.

There are pros and cons on each side. Dh and I may not be in the first flush of youth but we are more patient, more financially stable, more settled, more confident, more relaxed (most of the time anyway) and I think more appreciative of what we have ...than we were 15 or 20 years ago.

Jewelsandgems · 26/05/2009 13:52

If I hadn't had children in my 20s, and was in the position to have my first child in my 40s I would definatly go for it.

But, I have had 2 girls and am looking forward to, when they are older, getting my life back (yes, selfish I know) so for me, to have another one in my 40s? No way!

Cosmosis · 26/05/2009 14:21

Excellent post by MrsBoogie above, I agree, it's all about attitude.

FWIW my dad was 40 when I was born which for 35 years ago was pretty old as it wasn't as common to have children later as it is now. I do not remember a single comment about his age at all as I was growing up. I lost my mum as a young child, but that was from a car accident, not age related at all.

I say if you both want it, go for it.

elkiedee · 26/05/2009 19:30

I had babies at 37 (about to be 38) and 39 and know quite a few people who have had 3 babies starting at the same sort of age and so at least one in their 40s. I'd like to have a third but don't know if I will - there's lots of practical reasons not to have 3 so close together and I don't really have time to wait a few years.

The grandparent thing is the main thing that I feel sad about, but in fact my mum was only slightly older when ds1 was born (63) than my grandmother was when I was born (60), and she lived to be 85.

theoptimist · 26/05/2009 22:18

I'd say go for it - see if it happens.

My dad was 50 when I was born and I always felt proud because I knew he was old, but he had a lot more go in him than a lot of young men. My brother (3rd bro) was born when my dad was 60. And I'm glad to have my siblings! My dad was 30 yrs older than my mum who always seemed very old to me.

The thing I think is more important than years already spent, is life expectancy, and of course your mind set (some young people seem so old, whereas some older people seem very young). So, go for it, give your DC a sibling if you can. OK, some siblings don't get on. But, I'd say a lot really value having siblings and they're usually there long after the parents.

Finally, I had two kids at 32 and 34, and just had my 3rd at 40. I wont be having any more, because the birth was very risky and I want to be here for my kids. But, that was not age-related. My DD2 is perfect. If I'd not had such a tricky post-labour, I'd consider having one more at 41/42. I don't think it's unfair, because the kids have each other and like I said, we just don't know how long we have left, no matter how old we are when we have our kids.

PacificDogwood · 26/05/2009 22:32

IMO age alone does not come into it as much as it used to these days (40 is the new 30, anyone ?)

However, biology is what it is, and the risks for older mothers and their children are higher, whether we like it or not.
Of course chances of having a healthy child in your 40s are higher than not having a healthy child, but significantly lower than when you were younger. And whether one is going to conceive is another question...

I am saying all this as a 43 year old mother of 3 DC ages 6,5 and 1, and considering TTC#4... Wish me luck and good luck to you, whatever you decide.

dinosaurmum · 27/05/2009 20:54

I had my second child at age 42 - easy pregnancy and easy home birth but is is not as easy now I am 53 and she is 12!!

Paolosgirl · 27/05/2009 20:59

I was 38 and dh was 44 when DC3 was born. Not planned, but fab all the same. Round here most parents are in their 30's and a good few in their forties when they have their children, so no biggie really. Although we are tired a lot of the time, we're more settled, less stressed and more patient than we were when the other 2 DC's were born 12 and 10 years ago, so really enjoying this one. Go for it!

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