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Parenting

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Original poster

I want another baby but Im 42 and Hubby is 49...are we over the hill?

93 replies

bottletopbill · 22/05/2009 13:16

Didnt think I wanted anymore but I feel "sad" that my ds is an only child.

My Hubby is 50 nest May and feels he would be too old and not fair on child that when he's 10 he will be 60!!!

Just needed to get this off my chest!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

RockinSockBunnies · 22/05/2009 16:09

Tricky one. My mother had me at 42. My father was 49. I'm an only child.

It was a bit odd sometimes at school when people mistook my parents for grandparents. Furthermore, as a teenager I felt that they were so out of touch with everything it was excrutiating (however, I'd have probably felt like that regardless of their age).

Also, my father died when I was 17, although this was from mesothelioma (asbestos related) which had absolutely nothing to do with his age, it was just bad luck.

It's probably better to have another child at this age if you already have DC. I'm very aware now, that my mother is 70 in a couple of months, has already had a heart attack and several mini-strokes, is becoming more forgetful and I have no real family support to deal with it. If I had siblings, then I think it would be easier.

Having said all that, so many parents are now having children in their 40s and even 50s, so it's more acceptable....

nappyaddict · 22/05/2009 16:19

GentleOtter was he your first? Did you conceive him naturally? Were you 46 or 47 when you conceived?

GentleOtter · 22/05/2009 18:20

nappyaddict - 3rd child, natural conception, 46.

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Families General parenting

nappyaddict · 22/05/2009 18:21

will you be trying for another?

TheProfiteroleThief · 22/05/2009 18:35

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

daftpunk · 22/05/2009 18:45

PM;

you're right..18 was too young, i haven't grown up yet tbh...i should have waited till i was 45....might have calmed down a bit.

MrsMotMot · 22/05/2009 19:07

I agree with the 'can't plan things' comments. And family is about more than just the nuclear mum/dad/kids- usually there are cousins, aunties, halfs- steps-, friends, godparents etc etc and they all help raise a child and form a big network of 'family.'

But I just love all things baby/child TBH and whenever I get asked 'do you think I should have a baby' I just think YES! Go for it!

Only you know whether you should indeed go for it and a time limit, like someone else suggested, might be good- TTC for like a year or 6 months or something and if it happens, it happens. Good luck!

Mintyy · 22/05/2009 19:17

My Dad had two children after the age of 50. And he has been a far better Dad to those children than he was to my brother and I who were born when he was in his 20s and 30s. My Dad is still here, extraordinarily bright and breezy at the age of 79. So those two kids he had post 50 are grown up and independent and very close to him.

I had my own dc at 38 and just shy of 41 and have no regrets whatsoever. If I hadn't had them when I did, I wouldn't have the ones I've got .

piscesmoon · 22/05/2009 19:32

We were older parents and that is precisely why we had another-we didn't want just the one, with older parents. I don't actually feel old because there are so many around these days and I have never been mistaken for grandparent. I am fit and active and I can still run longer and faster than many young mums!
My father was 28 when I was born and my PIL was 49 when DH was born. My father died before I married and never saw his grandchildren-PIL is the one seeing them grow up.
I don't regret it in the least.

disillusionedmum · 22/05/2009 20:02

Very interesting debate although it keeps coming up every now and then. I think it all depends on you two. Having a child should not be like going to war, it is about wanting to bring to life an extension of the both of you. For this to happen you can be 20 or 45. Yes the restrictions will exist but other alternative benefits will arise. As for living or dying that is surely not up to any of us. In this day and age it is damn hard to find the right partner let alone to want to settle down and have kids so it takes time and soon you find you are not 20 anymore. However, my sincere advice is sit down, talk about it..be very frank and honest and then if you want to go for it and if it does not happen it doesn't..if it does you will do just as good a job as you did with the first...sometimes we have to be matter of fact..sometimes we have to be purely emotional..hard to be both most of the time! So good luck with decision making!

liahgen · 22/05/2009 20:09

omg, am very at some of these comments

Took me 9 yrs to get my first child, now at 42 i am ttc#6 daftpunk, very apt name , but of course that's just my opinion,

I was 11 when my mum dies, and she was just 40, it's rubbish that older parents won't always see thier children to adulthood, noone knows what's round the corner.

teenagers are far too young to have children, they have no life experience,

mrsboogie · 22/05/2009 22:03

You could be a big fat weed smoking lager drinking 25 year old couch potato dad or a fit and healthy 50 year old dad with a young outlook on life. Which is going to be the better dad?

People can die at any age and leave their kids behind. People can be rubbish parents or brilliant parents at any age. No matter how young you are you are not meant to be the same generation as your kids - they are always going to think you are old and embarrassing whether you are 30 or 50.

At 50 he has probably got a good 25 years in him at least. At 42 you are absolutely not too old.

And say you did die relatively young? wouldn't it be better to leave your existing child with a sibling than not?

Go for it I say!

juuule · 22/05/2009 22:17

What a great post, mrsboogie.

Gsmom · 22/05/2009 22:31

my aunt married at 40, went on to have 3 daughters, the last at 50. with the last she thought she was going through the menopause until she felt a kick at the kitchen sink
her daughters are now in their twenties, she is in seventies. her husband in in his eighties. They go over to calcutta with their middle daughter to work on the streets. they both are so young menttally and physically that really their age was never an issue.

please go for it is you want to- you'll only end up regretting and wondering otherwise

latermater · 22/05/2009 22:32

Had two children when over 40, both of whom are still under 5, and feel blessed every single day (esp before 7am when they hang out together) that we have two. Give it a go and the best of luck. Still thinking (albeit somewhat abstractedly) about a third (at 45).

hellymelly · 22/05/2009 22:38

I had my second at 43,I am 45 now and weighing up a third.... my dh is 37 but I don't think I would be bothered about it if he was older,I know quite a few older dads.I would go for it,I got preg in 20 minutes!

daftpunk · 23/05/2009 08:06

liahgen;

i didn't say 42 was too old to have a baby...have you actually read my posts??...

the op asked for opinions, i gave her mine, i think her dh (at 50) is too old.

i also agreed that 18 was far too young to have a baby, but life doesn't always go to plan does it......and tbh, no amount of "life experience" can prepare you for life with a baby...you can be a terrible parent at 45..

PuppyMonkey · 23/05/2009 09:47

Daftpunk, I think you did say "people should stop having children at around 40.." which is probably what liahgen is about. It is quite a twatty thing to say. That's just my opinion.

DRAGON30 · 23/05/2009 10:40

Totally agree with MissBoogie. I know people who are young parents, but VERY unfit, and other old bags (like me!) who have no trouble keeping up with their toddlers - and I won the Mums Race at the school Sports Day last year (smug!).
I had my children at 37, 40 and 43, go for it, I say!

sarah293 · 23/05/2009 11:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Jewelsandgems · 23/05/2009 14:40

If you feel the need for another baby then have one. The only experience I have is my auntie had a baby when she was 45 (so lots older) and her husband was 41. My auntie is exhausted all the time. She did want another baby, so it was planned, but she does regret it.

And as I said, she is super-tired all the time, she feels isolated from other mums because of her age, and her son keeps asking her why she is so old (he gets teased at school because of their ages, so they no longer attend any school events, at their son's request)

I agree with your husband really, it will break his heart to know he may not see the child get married/have children etc (or be too old to be "actively" involved) and then there is the child, coping with a death at such a young age.

disillusionedmum · 23/05/2009 19:48

we can all supply you with advice, suggestions, and real life experience both positive and negative but at the end of the day when you and your husband sit down and sicuss this as i suggested YOU alone can analyse your situation and YOU alone know what is best and not just what you would like to be..

Doobydoo · 23/05/2009 19:57

Oh go for it!My friend had her 4th at 46 she is a fab mum and has loads more patience than some of the so called 'acceptable age group' mums[ifyswim] I would love another,I will be 40 soon and dp is 45 ....go,go,go if you want to

thirdname · 23/05/2009 20:00

DRAGON30, tat was funny, I was (nearly ) the same age whith my 2dc. 37, nearly 40 and 43.
I would definately NOT win the the mums race though. Luckely they don't have them at dc school.....

My mother was also in her 40s when she had db and me. Never thought about her as being old till someone asked about me and my "grandmother".

May at times regret having dc..., but certainly NOT because of the age I had them.

babypringle · 23/05/2009 20:11

DH is 53 and we have DS1 aged 2.9 and DS2 aged 2 months. His age is not an issue. He wants to be a dad, whereas he wouldn't have been ready as a 20 or 30 something. And when the DCs are teenagers, DH will have retired and so will be able to give them more time and attention than if we were both working.

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