DH doesn't enjoy spending time with the DC- how can I change this?

[malfoy]

DH works very long hours and sees very little of the DC (aged 4 and 3) during the week.

At the weekend he is tired and does not seem to enjoy spending time with them.

On one hand it makes me sad; on the other it makes me very resentful because I feel that I am always there when he disappears off to the computer.

Not sure exactly what I am asking but I want to improve things.

PS: I don't think the DC notice his lack of interest.

They probably don't notice because they have little relationship or bond with him. You might ask your dh whether that matters to him.

Can you think of anything he might enjoy doing with them as a weekend activity - park, swimming, library (these are the tasks I have trained my dh for at weekends ).

they mightnt notice his lack of interest but i can guarantee you they would notice if he did start showing an interest. they would be over the moon. and also, they will as they get older start to realise, theyre still youn enough for him to change this and he will enjoy it too. i understand tha he is tired, im often tired myself but when ds gets hat playful look on his face, i somehow find the energy to join in whatever game he has dreamt up and the sheer pleasure he gets from playing with mum is far more reward than lyingon the sofa ignoring him would bring. your DH doesnt know what he's missing.

malfoy, i posted this on another thread yesterday, and will say the same to you.

talk to your DH and ask him how he wants the children to remember him during their childhoods.
as a dad who couldn't be bothered? who they never saw? a dad who didn't play with them and they never had fun with?
or would he prefer to be remembered as a fun dad who did stuff with them and taught them stuff, a dad that made an impact on their lives.

I suspect he would rather it was number 2, but that isn't going to happen if he behaves the weay he is now.

I rather think you are BOTH tired at the weekends. you look after 2 kids all day, he goes to work all day.
when you are both at home you should BOTH be caring for the children, no matter how tired you are.
he needs to understand this. your job brigning them up is just as important and tiring as his job bringing in the money. you shouldn't have to do the lion's share at the weekend just because he fancies pissing about on the pc.

we now have rules that at weekends the PC is only used in the evening after the children are in bed.
I try and find things that dp can do with the kids too. he hates going out to places as he finds it really stressful, but he's quite happy to take ds1 (4) for a walk while ds2 has a nap or while I make lunch etc

I think the way you've phrased the thread speaks volumes tbh. How can you change this - you can't. Your DH has to change it, not because you want him to, but because he wants to and knows that he urgently needs to.

You need to speak to him about the need to change this, but ultimately the responsibility for his relationship with his children, lies with him, not you. All you can do is encourage and facilitate, you can't make him change.

I don't enjoy spending time with both DCs together. It's a constant wrangle moan bicker quarrel situation. Very rare moments of harmony and affection. Individually they are entirely adorable. Together they are plain murder.

Thanks all. Was away putting the DC to bed and getting some wine.

This is really helpful.

1. I will talk to him -along the lines suggested by Thisisyesterday.
2. I will leave them on their own; you are right, he is much better/ makes more of an effort if I am not around.

Can't remember what else for the moment- wine kicking in.

Quattrocento - I know, I feel like that too at times so I do sympathise with him.

Sorry rambling now.

Yes, very practical advice Leningrad. Ta.

I feel guilty leaving him with them which is daft, I know.

My first emoticon [proud]

They might be a bit young for this but if he is bored by children's games, how about getting them to do practical things together.

DS loves helping his father make fires with garden rubbish, washing the car etc. There is usually at least one task a weekend they can do together.

DH & DS have both trimmed the hedge together today. so far ok.

I found that DH spent very little time with DS when he was very small because he didn't know what to do with him, and just didn't 'get' or enjoy small children's play.

Since DS turned 5 or 6 they have spent a lot more time together, mainly watching/playing sport or computer games (I tend to do the creative/imaginative/educational stuff).