Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Having a third child - yes or no?

61 replies

sallycinamon · 08/05/2009 21:51

I have two beautiful dds - one is 3.9 and the other 9 months but ever since i had no.2 I haven't be able to get the thought of having another baby out of my head. I think about it all the time. Does anyone else feel like this?

I loved being pregnant and I love the 'baby' stage so much I am just finding it hard to accept that I won't go through it again. Dh isn't keen - 'it wouldn't be practical - would need new car, poss new house, we couldn't really afford it' etc and I know he is right. My parents would think I had lost the plot too.

I'm going back to work in 6 weeks and I can only presume this will make my desire for a third even greater.

So many mums I know feel completely the opposite and are relieved when they have had their second and shudder at the thought of being pregnant or having a newborn again. Not me.

Is this a common way to feel and will it fade?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Goober · 08/05/2009 21:53

I was just the same. That 3rd child was the itch that I couldn't scratch. So I had him. Am now complete. No longer broody. No more urges.
He is now 10 and I don't regret any of it.

hellymelly · 08/05/2009 21:56

I don't know-I feel the same as you,but complicated by the fact that I am still waking a lot at night bf dd2, I have hideous pregs and then c-sections,and I am 45.
I do wonder whether I would feel like this however many I had,that I would always feel sad at the thought of no more babies.I am dithering about trying,and I know that logic dictates it would be best to stick at two,but I feel a real yearning for another that defies all logic...

Clary · 08/05/2009 21:59

I had three children as always intended to have more than 2 (for lots of reasons).

Remember beign sad when DS2 was baby that I wouldn't do all that again - as had decided then that 3 was it (again for lots of reasons).

Will yr feeling fade? Maybe only if/when you have no 3. It's not per se a mad thing to do y'know - unless it's against doc's advice I guess.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Chatkins · 08/05/2009 22:00

I felt the same after having my dds, was constantly broody to have a third. Luckily dh felt the same, he just wanted a bigger gap this time. So we had a third, ds, who is 2 next week. Trouble is I thought it would switch off the broodniess, but if anything it has made it worse! I have wanted another since he was tiny, and the urge is getting stgronger! Don't think dh feels the same though. I am also wondering when, if ever, that switch can be turned off. If I had four children, would I feel complete, and never want anymore ? Or would it just go on and on ?

FlappytheBat · 08/05/2009 22:01

Would like to try for a no3, as I think I will regret not trying. If we aren't lucky then at least I know we've tried.

thisisyesterday · 08/05/2009 22:03

yes, i felt like it. now pg with number 3. feeling fairly sure this is it for us now

thatsnotmymonster · 08/05/2009 22:06

I always intended to have 3.

After having a boy and then a girl everyone assumed that I would be happy with my one of each sex and stop there.

I went on to have dd2 and she has been an utter joy- so easy and lovely (despite my other 2 being only 3yo and 22mo when she was born.

She turned 1 last Saturday and I have been a wee b it broody (cos my baby is growing up) and some part of me would like another but I think this time I will stop.

My family does feel complete in a way it never did when I had 2, so you are not alone in feeling like this!

psychomum5 · 08/05/2009 22:07

I felt the same.

I was not complete tho till #5 (and still not if I am completely honest[shcok]).

think if it this was tho..................imagine yourself in 20yrs with your two children, can you see yoursefl regretting and missing that 'third' child??

if so, I think that is your answer to at least contemplate your DC3

Joolyjoolyjoo · 08/05/2009 22:14

I always wanted at least 3, despite HATING being pregnant, and preferring the toddler stage to the baby bit. So I was crying at the thought of going through pregnancy no 3, but knew it would be worth it.

Now ds is here, I love having a bigger family. Just after he was born, I felt complete and happy, and we decided 3 would be it. only now....., well I just think it would be somehow nice to have 4. DH, however, is adamant that 3 is enough, so I think I will have to find another way to deal with the broodiness (kitten, perhaps?!)They are all so great, and, as an only child myself, I love watching all their individual personalities interact. I have 2 dds an a ds, and secretly have fantasies about a brother for ds, but I might just have to accept that 3 is my (happy!) lot

notsoteenagemum · 08/05/2009 22:33

My dc are nearly 9 and nearly 5 and I've wanted another one (or more) since my second was tiny.
Dh however just wanted a girl and a boy and as dc2 was a boy he says thats it.
It is killing me though especially as we started young, so all our friends are pregnant or new parents now and mine are growing up fast.

I always thought my twenties would be for having babies and my thirties would be for uni and work. I'm 29 this year and no longer feel like that even though I have a job that I love and two beautiful children, I still want more.
I do consider the age gap carefully now and find the older they getit does put me off a bit, but I think I'll always regret not having more

Original poster

sallycinamon · 08/05/2009 23:03

Thanks everyone. I feel reassured that this is quite normal.

I sometimes wonder whether the desire for a third would be less strong if dd2 had been a ds! Yet I don't want a third to have a ds. I would be equally happy with another little girl.

Several of my friends, I suspect, will be announcing their second pregnancies (and first in a couple of cases) in the not so distant future and I know that I will be ever so slightly jealous of them but thrilled too. So I totally understand what you mean notsoteenagemum.

Oh, I don't know...! I will have to see if this feeling fades and how dh feels. I would want to wait a couple of years before trying anyway.

I know I am very lucky to have two children - but like some of you say perhaps the feeling never really fades.

Is 3 a huge financial drain?

OP posts:

fadingfast · 08/05/2009 23:05

We have only ever planned for two, and now have a boy and a girl. Both pregnancies were horrible, and after DC1 I couldn't understand why people would want 3 or more children - I couldn't imagine even having 2 to cope with.

After DC2, to my amazement I became astonishingly broody quite quickly and still find it hard to accept that is it. For all sorts of reasons, a third would be impractical - not least because I don't enjoy being pregnant. Now DC2 is 12 months, the urge is fading - especially now she is mobile and (in some ways) more hard work. I do find it hard though not to feel a bit jealous of friends who are pregnant.

I think accepting that a phase of our life has passed has been hard, particularly when the newborn stage passes in a flash second time around. However, the rational part of me knows that two is enough for us and I really want to be able to devote myself properly to the two children we already have.

fannybanjo · 08/05/2009 23:10

Go for it. I had DD1 via IVF, DH and I were both diagnosed 100% infertile and for 10 years believed this...

until DD2 and DD3 were both conceived naturally within 16 months of each other and it has been the best thing that has ever happened to us. 3 is hard work but soooo worth it.

Not sure if 3 is financially harder as DD3 is only 3 months old and if you still have the majority of baby items from your DCs then all should be okay.

Marthasmama · 08/05/2009 23:11

Sally - You sound like me! My dd is 7 months and ds is coming up 6. I know that if dd had come along sooner we would have a third by now. I'm soooo broody, but I want to career change, I was pretty ill after dd's birth and like hellymelly, I had horrible pgs and c-sections. I just feel sick at the idea of not having another one. We have a little while to think about it as I wouldn't want to try again for another year but I like to make plans.....!

PinkyMinxy · 08/05/2009 23:20

Well I had hideous HG pregnancies and c-sections, and still feel broody!

My DD2 (no 3) is 6 months now and no regrets thus far- she is a sweetie and DS (3, v.nearly 4) and DD1 age 2.5 adore her.

No more though,for me. I has wanted 4 but we left it a bit late and I want to get back into work at some point.

sobloodystupid · 08/05/2009 23:23

thank heavens I'm not alone. My ds is 12 weeks and for about 8 weeks or more I'm really thinking about our third. Madness, but I've never been this broody so quickly...

zisforzebra · 08/05/2009 23:23

We talk about this quite often (we have two boys who are 7 and 5) and both waver back and forth. We're mainly on the 'we're done' side but every so often I think about what it would be like to have another. Deep in my heart, I'd love to have another baby. It's quite sad to think that we'll never have another tiny bundle again.

My head says no though. I had a rough time with my first pregnancy and DS1 was born by c-section just under 7 weeks prem with IUGR and spent a month in SCBU after I developed pre-eclampsia. DS2 was a ventouse delivery (which narrowly escaped turning into an emergency c-section) so I think I'll just have to count my blessings and quit with my two healthy, beautiful boys.

PacificDogwood · 08/05/2009 23:26

My friend had overwhelming feeling of "being done" after delivery of her DS3.
My DS3 is now 13 months, and I have just not had that feeling... Whether another one is going to actually happen (all sorts of reasons why maybe not ) is another question of course, but I figure I am less likely to regret the child I (might) have, than the one I did not have. If that makes any sense at all .

Sorrento · 08/05/2009 23:33

I have three and am on the verge of having 4.
However if I could step back in time I would have stuck with 2.
Everything is geared to a family of 4, the time they require between the ages of 5 and 11 will stretch you beyond your wildest imagination.
If you have the third I would seriously wait until the 2nd is at school otherwise you'll survive rather than enjoy the experience.
That's my advice anyway, feel free to ignore because of course my third child is the prettiest, brightest and funnist of the lot

PinkyMinxy · 08/05/2009 23:36

that's a good point, sorrento. DS started preschool full time last September, a month before DD2 arrived, and it has been a big help.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 08/05/2009 23:43

There are other things to consider- mainly the other kids and how it affects them. Example: dd1 and dd2 would love to go to Disneyland but I don't want to take them (nor have the cash until they are all out of childcare!) until ds can appreciate it too. We've always said we'd love to take the kids skiing sometime, and get them doing it young, but each time we have another baby it gets put back.

I have no regrets about 3- I had a pretty short gap between them- but despite being a bit broody for a fourth, I want to have time to enjoy the ones I've got, iyswim

Sorrento · 08/05/2009 23:57

There is the burn out factor too.
My DD3 is in a class full of first borns and she gets a raw deal in comparison because after 6 years of playdates, staying at parties, dance shows yada yada yada I've had enough of it, I'm bored.
Am talking myself out of the 4th now, but seriously there is the lovely moments, but there's a lot of shit, vomit, trantrums over times tables, school trips to pay for, Rainbows/Cubs uniforms to pay for and that's before you have to book 2 rooms for any hotel.

Clary · 09/05/2009 00:45

Interesting what people are saying about their third child etc.

I hear you, but I have to be honest and say I don't feel that.

Maybe it's more noticeable with a bigger age gap - I have a friend with a 6y gap (just between 2 DSs) and she struggles to make the activity age-appropriate sometimes.

My 3 are 2yrs and then 22mo apart so it wasn't such an issue. Now they are 6, 7 and 9 it's not a problem at all. And I still love having DS2's pals for playdates and watching him play football etc.

Just call me odd

Financially, I guess each extra child comes with extra expenses (clubs/food/parties!) but I'm thinking it's at further education level, if any, that we'll really notice it. Of course if you educate privately then it's a different story.

lockets · 09/05/2009 00:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BettyTurnip · 09/05/2009 01:10

We have 3 dds under 5 (age 4.7yrs, 2.8yrs and 10m). I was feeling very broody when dd2 was around 9/10m, didn't want to accept that we'd never had that lovely baby stage again.

We only vaguely decided to try for third baby and it happened the first time we didn't use contraception so our minds were made up for us really. I think in our case it was influenced by the fact that DH was really keen to have a son, and he was convinced (until the 20wk scan showed otherwise!) that dd3 was a boy.

I have to say in all honesty it's bloody hard work and there isn't a day goes by when I don't think it would've been so much easier with two. Having said that, dd3 is a fantastic, adorable baby and we'd never want to be without her - maybe just compress elements of all three of them into two children

Think it was Sorrento who said to take into account the age gaps, as if they're close together you'll feel like you're just surviving, not enjoying it as much as you'd hoped you would. I sometimes feel so knackered and stretched so thin, DH is great but is out of the house for nearly 11hrs a day. There simply isn't enough of me to go round at the moment but I do look forward to a time in the near future when the eldest two are at school.

What I'm trying to say amongst this rambling is - I understand exactly where you're coming from as I was there 18months ago - but proceed with caution !!!

Flip

1 2 3