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Parenting

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Original poster

Having a third child - yes or no?

61 replies

sallycinamon · 08/05/2009 21:51

I have two beautiful dds - one is 3.9 and the other 9 months but ever since i had no.2 I haven't be able to get the thought of having another baby out of my head. I think about it all the time. Does anyone else feel like this?

I loved being pregnant and I love the 'baby' stage so much I am just finding it hard to accept that I won't go through it again. Dh isn't keen - 'it wouldn't be practical - would need new car, poss new house, we couldn't really afford it' etc and I know he is right. My parents would think I had lost the plot too.

I'm going back to work in 6 weeks and I can only presume this will make my desire for a third even greater.

So many mums I know feel completely the opposite and are relieved when they have had their second and shudder at the thought of being pregnant or having a newborn again. Not me.

Is this a common way to feel and will it fade?

OP posts:

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mrsjammi · 09/05/2009 01:13

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BettyTurnip · 09/05/2009 01:13

...we'd never have that lovely baby stage again...

Weegiemum · 09/05/2009 03:32

Like Goober, for me child No 3 (after a dd then a ds) was the "itch I couldn't scratch" - but decided no as dh was so anti.

Then my mirena got dislodged at a smear (some of you will remember that!!!) and I had No3, dd2, anyway.
It made me very ill (kidney issues for the pregnancy and 2 years later, and PND) but I am now well. dd2 is 5 and a half, and we would not in any way ever be without her!!

I am never broody any more, even when handed my day old nephew 3 weeks ago. NO! But I am glad I had my 3rd - what I always wanted, and even Dh, mr 2 kids, is a delighter daddy of 3!

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Weegiemum · 09/05/2009 03:40

and ours are close - dd1 is 9y3m, ds is 7y3m and dd2 is 5y6m- so I had 3 kids in 3y9m. got it over with , though, despite the comments about our telly being broken!

DuffyFluckling · 09/05/2009 08:12

Just marking a place in the thread as am very interested and wondering if No 3 is to be or not to be.

PacificDogwood · 09/05/2009 08:19

I had #3 inspite of the fact that I do not like the baby stage - I had to v much remind myself that being a baby does not last all that long - even if it seems long at times!
I like the idea of a little pack of siblings who can play/ fight/ support each other as long as they live, even beyond us being a family together. I realise of course that siblings fall out something terrible as well, and that not all siblings even like each other v much.
My DH is the youngest of 3 by more than 9 years (little afterthought, me thinks ) and although his brother and sister and him were not close whe they were younger due to the age gap, they are great pals now.
My worries are all about practical things: "pushing my luck" expecting another healthy child, never being able to have a "normal" car again (with 4 DCs, I mean), expense of higher education if that is what they'll want, having to work until I am 75 to support them etc etc.

Original poster

sallycinamon · 09/05/2009 09:12

Yes, my concerns are the higher education thing and also 'pushing my luck' having another. I also worry the other 2 would be in some way side-lined. I wouldn't want them to suffer in any way or my relationship with them (or with dh!)to be compromised.

I'm going to try to put it out of my mind for at least a year I think! See how I feel then!

OP posts:

popsycal · 09/05/2009 09:15

I just love 3 - ds3 was an accident and we were seriously worried. He is marvelloous as they all are. For the first time, I feel 'done' with having babies.
Maybe

popsycal · 09/05/2009 09:16

Just t o add, I always wanted a 3rd but dh really really didn't

BettyTurnip · 09/05/2009 13:12

Weegiemum - we also had three children in the space of 3yrs 9m. Did you not find it incredibly hard when they were all pre-school or is it just me??

Would you say it gets easier as they get older?

lockets · 09/05/2009 14:06

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BettyTurnip · 09/05/2009 14:08

Four in 3yrs 9mths???!! That is hardcore.

lockets · 09/05/2009 14:11

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TheMysticMasseuse · 09/05/2009 14:22

i feel exactly the same. i also have two dds, 3 and 1, and i alternate between a visceral, almost physical need to be prengnat again and have another baby (who of course would be a boy...) and the rational thought that i never, ever want to go through this tiredness and sleep deprivation (neither of my dds sleeps through the night). dh has said he would go for it but only if he never ahs to get up in the night again.

i suspect i will feel differently once dd2 is a bit older and things get easier- i remember with dd1 when she turned 2 i felt my life changing quite dramatically and i really felt so much more in control.

in any case i am not ruling anything out, but if we do have a third it'll be in a couple of years once dd2 is a bit older- i also don't want her to be stuck in the middle with two siblings really close in age.

i am one of three by the way and love the dynamics, i think this is the main reason why i want another one.

PacificDogwood · 09/05/2009 14:33

That is interesting, Mystic, I was one of 2 and always thought I would have 2 or 4 children myself as I thought with 3 there would be always 2 ganging up against the other 1, IYKWIM.
So, 3 worked ok for you growing up, hm?

TheMysticMasseuse · 09/05/2009 14:36

i loved being 3 growing up, what you describe happens, but the coalitions keep shifting and there's constant changes in alliances/allegiances and no one ever feels left out. also, paradoxically, if you want to be alone or left out, it's ok because the other two leave you to it as they have each other. does that make sense? i have 2 brothers and we're all very different and i think we have really enriched our respective lives with our differences.

DuffyFluckling · 09/05/2009 18:19

I have two (aged 1 and 3) and am pondering a third, not this year or next, but perhaps the year after.

I think that it is not necessarily the best, most positive thing to have siblings as a young child. But I do think it is a wonderful thing to have siblings when you are older.

My dd was just 2 when her baby bro was born and she found it HARD. Much as she loves him now, things would have been easier and far more pleasant for her to have been an only child for the last year. I am confident that in a few years time this won't be the case and it will be great for her to have a brother. I am doubly confident that as adults it will be so much nicer for her to have siblings.

Ideally I would want only children, and then for my one child to blossom in to 3 or 4 children aged 16, 18 and 20.

sweetkitty · 09/05/2009 18:36

3 in 5 days under 4 years here, was very broody for number 3 despite DD1 and 2 being 18 months apart, DD3 is 10 months now and an utter joy wouldn't be without her.

Am now thinking about number 4

mrsjammi · 09/05/2009 20:06

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PacificDogwood · 09/05/2009 21:06

Hmm, yes, 3 smelly, large, inarticulate, smelly, always hungry, inconsiderate, smelly, noisy, smelly teenaged boys in the house, and they all have urges!! Shudder! DS1 calculated today that 7 further years would have to pass for him to be a teenager - that's when I told him he could have Nintendo DS . 7 years does not seeem THAT far away to me.
Maybe I really, really do NOT need another DC....

mummydoc · 09/05/2009 21:38

i had a emergency hysterectomy during dd 2 's birth and always htoguth i was ok with it, ( had dd1 by ivf so dd 2 was a lovely surprise 5 yrs later) but i am now so desparately broody and sad ...not sure wether to watch next weeks forgotten children season programmes as seriously wondering how completely mad adoption would be...

thatsnotmymonster · 09/05/2009 21:49

Joolyjoo- I could have written your posts word for word!! I also have 1ds and 2dds and would secretly love another boy and think 4 would be nice BUT I am also desperate for life to become a bit more normal (which it is doing) and to be able to start the dc's doing the things we enjoy- skiing, climbing, biking, hill walking etc.

I keep explaining to ds that having a baby makes it more difficult for mummy to do things with them.

I had 3 in 3yrs 1.5mo and as a result I have 3 gorgeous little pre-schoolers and I am fat and unfit and rarely have time for myself

Clary · 11/05/2009 20:00

Yes I had 3 under 4 for a bit more than 2 months.

I took a year off work with no3 and by the time I went back, DS1 was atschool so it was fine.

Being at home was so fab and so much less hassle that I didn't mind that there were so many pre-schoolers

(sallycinamon - I felt that no 4 would be pushing my luck, exactly that).

Original poster

sallycinamon · 11/05/2009 22:34

It's so interesting to hear everyone's experiences. The prospect of not having another does sadden me but on the other hand I also want to devote myself to the children I already have. I was discussing the financial implications of having 3 kids with a friend who has 3 teenagers and she said 'Sally, you can be rich in children.'I think that is a lovely thing to say.

If we go for it we'll wait until dd2 is at school or about to start by which time I'll be around 38 so it'll all very much be in the lap of the Gods!

OP posts:

theoptimist · 12/05/2009 09:56

Hi, I just had my 3rd two weeks ago. I was never really broody, but always had a feeling that there was another child for me - even though I divorced when my DD1 was 3yrs old and my DS was 5yrs old - and the clock was ticking for me! But, somehow I got my 3rd, DD2. I feel very lucky.
If a 3rd child is in your heart, go for it - you can always make things work. But, I am glad to have the bigger age gap between my 2nd and 3rd. I have a lot of time to indulge in looking after my 3rd (and last baby) as the others are now at school. Although, I can't believe how my life was becoming so simple as the other two were growing up, and now I've gone back to complicated again. Also, I did have to change the car, and we're considering changing house. We'll be much poorer too. But, we don't care! As a poster said - we're rich in children! and they'll have each other when they're older (if they manage not to fall out!).

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