"God is actually a flying dutchman you know" The most bizarre nonsense you children have spouted

[schneebly]

that one came from DS2 (4y4m) today on the way to nursery. Am I to blame the television? Perhaps that spongebob fellow?

When idling away 15 minutes waiting for DH outside Tescos, DD (2) and I spotted 2 helicopters.

DD - mummy, where have they gone?
me - to the airport
DD - no, aeroplanes got to the airport
me (a little surprised at her insight - it turns out she'd had this conversation before with childminder) - oh, well they've probably gone to the heliport then.

Later, we spot a crow having a bath on the roof, looking like it was playing peekaboo. It flies away.

DD - mummy, where'd it go?
me - it's flown away.
DD - did it go to the crowport?

Cue mental images of runways and congregations of crows landing and taking off in an orderly fashion.

Bees now go to the beeport to make honey too.

driving past a house with a thatched roof, DS of 4yrs 6m asks "Mommy, why does that house have hair?"

Out at the park with my mate and her DCs:

Her DS (4.5): when I grow up I'm going to be chickweed

My DS (7)and knows when to be controversial: so what, when I grow up I'm going to be a drag queen.

Don't know which is more worrying.

DS1 (4.4), who has lately been reading lots of Asterix with his Dad came out with 'Nothing scares me, nothing hurts me, DB, hit me and see if I cry!'.

He's also been quite interested in death recently, so when we were discussing what happens to people in cartoons who get hit, I said well, in Asterix people who get hit get a bump on thier head and then they get up and carry on. DS1 responded 'in Lucky Luke people die, there's a take away man' eh? I thought what is he talking about? then the penny dropped, ah, the undertaker!

PMSL at some of these.

DD (2.1) is convinced that all her socks have been knitted by Grandpa for some reason, and tells us this every morning when she gets dressed.

I had a conversation with ds(5) last week about private parts. Ds said "boys have willies don't they?" Me - Yes and do you know what girls have?" Ds "Yes
they have pianos..."

DS1 (4) "Im a pirate Mummy - look Shiver my fingers!" In a feux pirate voice.

Also

"Mummy did you get DS2 from Tesco - is he Value for money? "

when ds was about 2 he promptly burst into tears because he saw me go to open the understairs door. I cuddled him and asked him why he didn't want me to open the door and he said it was becuase I would let the lion out!!

It took all day for me to work out that he had overheard me asking dh to put the IRON in the cupboard .

at these

EachPeach - yours reeminded me of when I was little! I used to love Jimmy Saville on Jim'll Fix It and would write into the show often beginning my letters with 'Dear Jim'll...' It didn't matter how many times my Mum told me I was convinced that his name was actually Jim'll Fixit.

at all of thses.

DS2, aged 5, recently after daddy shouted at him for making V Annoying Noice over and over and over again and not responding to being asked nicely to stop: "Mummy, daddy gave me a fright, I think my heart stopped beePing!"
Still makes me smile, his achey-breaky beeping heart .

at all of these.

The singular forms (earwhack, chee) made me think of my neice, who used to believe that "fox" was a plural word. One on its own was, of course, a Fock. Much for my sister.

Mummyfor3 - my DS2 says that too lol very cute indeed!

A ride at the fun fair was not working my 5 year old ds 'mum the man forgot to put batteries in it'

Ds1 ' my shorts are baby trousers and if they share my food they will grow bigger and I can wear them in the winter too'

oh and ds2 wants to be a mummy when he grows up not a daddy.

My friend's young DDs were pretend playing to go in a trip to Germany, washing their hands was part of the planning "as Germs come from Germany". Obviously, brilliant observation for a health motivated 4 year old but she is still has to learn a lot about other subjects

These are hilarious! Reminded me of some of the mispronunciations my younger sisters made when they were little - they wore "trapsuits" to school and went into the "rimmer room" to watch tv!
Oh and DS at the moment is 14 months so babbling away. When asked to say mam, he says it, when asked ot say dad, he says "mam" in a slightly deeper voice!

And I just remembered something else after readng about the "hooveing" and "screwdrivering" - I had an elephant tape measure in my stocking when I was about 3, when I took it out I said "oh look, I've got a 3 inches!" (My dad renovated the downstairs of our house when I was little, and tended to talk to himself while measuring!)

Took ds (8) and two friends out for pizza. We had to pass the Ann Summers shop window on the way back which had a mannequin wearing some very lacy, very tiny undies displayed. Friend 1 " Ugh! No one should have to look at that when they've just eaten!" ds " I know... it's just not appropriate for men!"
When he was about 4 he used to tell everyone that you had to be 11 to read "Hairy Potter".
Dd thinks that Dennis the Menace lives at ds's school because she spotted an Asian boy with wacky hair walking to the rugby pitch in his school rugger top (black and red)!

On the same lines as some of these, I have one short-sighted eye so wear only one contact lens, which DD1 (7) still insists on calling my 'len'.

She also, rather disconcertingly, asked me a couple of months ago when God died. I thought she'd got mixed up with Jesus and was going through the Easter story when she interrupted me and said she knew all that, but wanted to know when God died. Floored for a moment I tentatively explained that he hadn't died (and that's kind of the point) to which she answered 'well then how did he get to Heaven?'. I told her to ask the vicar.

DD came over after a lesson about recyling:

"Mummy" she says "apparently we throw enough rubbish away to fill a football pitch every week! That's really bad, isn't it?"
"Yes," I replied.
"I mean," she continues, "in the end, no one will be able to play football any more."

DD also once tried to dress the lingerie model in M&S because "this lady's clothes must have fallen off."

WHen I last got the Ironing board out my dd2(5) asked me "whats that thin table for Mummy" (shows how often I iron) and dd1 (9) said "its to iron! it makes your clothes all stiff! its called ironioring!"

Ds(7), meantine, asks to go out on his bike as "bikering" is a lot of fun, much more so than "scootering"

DS1 played I Spy saying "... something beginning with CH"

Lots of guessing later it turned out to be Tree (chree).

These are all brill!!

Great to know that the country's future is in the hands of lots of little geniuses(??pl)!!

Last week DD really freaked me out by sitting up in bed and saying 'Dark Forces are coming, mummy' - anyone got any idea what that's about??

She's also rather taken with the Flying Dutchman from Spongebob...

And is is convinced that we all start off as girls and she's going to turn into a boy eventually 'like Daddy did when he was a little girl' (pmsl). Apparently I 'went wrong' which is why I'm still a girl...

Last year she was a flower girl at BIL's wedding. She was great up until the last minute before the bride entered the church, then had a screaming crying fit. I was sent for as her cousins couldn't calm her down, she clung to me saying 'mummy, mummy, I don't want to go to the island, don't make me go to the island'...

Didn't have a clue what she was talking about then as I carried her up the aisle back to our seats it suddenly struck me what she meant...

Oh, and she wants to get married but not to a boy. So far 5 of her girl friends have been in the picture (I fear she's a bit fickle)...