"God is actually a flying dutchman you know" The most bizarre nonsense you children have spouted

[schneebly]

that one came from DS2 (4y4m) today on the way to nursery. Am I to blame the television? Perhaps that spongebob fellow?

[GruffaloMama]

4 yr 4mth niece: Did I get chicken pox because I ate too much chicken? I'm sorry for the chickens.

[HairyMuff]

"If you play outside a lot like me you get midgets in your hair"

Ds tonight in the bath (8).

[scoobi6]

My 2.5 yo dd, when eating grated cheese, believes that a single bit of grated cheese is called a "chee", singular. She won't be persuaded otherwise

[evansmummy]

I am dying of laughter at these!

DS (4.3) says after running about a lot, and whilst holding his side, "I need a rest, I've got a bone in my tummy".

[quinne]

DS2 asked me what he wore when he was inside my tummy and is there a chair and a table in there?

[snigger]

DD2 (6), watching a woman collapse dramatically on a bathroom floor during Poirot, muttered

"That's what happens when you ignore constipation".

[epithet]

'Do you know that oranges are made of cinnamon?' According to dd2 (3.10). She is full of this stuff.

[lollystar]

DD asked me to get her a suitcase so that she could pack a monkey and food for her babies. Took me ages to figure out where that one came from... thanks Higgledy sodding house!

[LRB978]

DS (4 or 5 at time) "When I grow up I want to be Santa Claus and fly the sleigh with Rudolph pulling it and take presents to all the girls and boys".

(Now at 7, he has grown out of that, but still takes his cuddly Rudoph to bed every night and firmly believes in everything - Santa, Rudolph (almost more important than Santa!), Easter bunny, tooth fairy...)

[PinkBubblesGoApe]

DS (not quite 3 then) had just found out the correct name for his "boy bits". While watching Super Goofy with DH:
DH: When Goofy has peanuts he becomes Super Goofy.
DS: I have penis, I'm SUPER!!!!

Freud would love that one...

[NorbertDentressangle]

The post about a single piece of cheese being called a "chee" reminded me of another one of DS's classics.

He was delving around in his ear with his finger. Examining the contents he exclaimed "ooh look I've found an earwhack". It seems he thought that earwax was the plural and a single piece was an earwhack

[ILoveDolly]

DD (3.3yr) was walking by our local river, stood for ages thinking then announced "When I'm a duck, I'll swim on the water like that" (?)

WHEN I'm a duck? She can't be convinced that when she grows up she has to be person! If only we could choose what we turned into! Though I wouldn't choose duck TBH

[ILoveDolly]

She is currently suffering from 'chickenpops' and won't be persuaded it's pox either/

[janeite]

Lol at 'earwhack' - dd2 used to call it 'ear spice'!

DD1 once solemnly told the young man behind the counter in a shop 'My grandad has got purple eyes' - the poor man didn't know how to respond.

[StripeyKnickersSpottySocks]

DD (who at 8 should know better) says tha tear wax is your imagination overflowing from her ears. Therefore she eats her imagination (wax) to put it back in the system so she has plenty. [boak]

[StripeyKnickersSpottySocks]

ear wax not tear wax. FGS.

[FairLadyRantALot]

my nearly 5 year old says " my poo is holding a trea party" if, for whatever reason he can't/won't do a poo...no idea where he got it from though

[FairLadyRantALot]

that was tea party, btw

[brazenhussy]

My DD4 (4 abt the time) wanted to be a mermaid when she grew up. She would tell me this every single day.
One day she came into my room in the early hours and said "Mummy do you know where I will be able to get my wedding dress from when I'm a mermaid?"
She was so concerned and I was so desperate to go back to sleep that I offered to make it for her

[MissSunny]

Message withdrawn

[julesrose]

When dd was 3 she asked why she couldn't hiccup whan she wanted to. I explained it was because they were involuntary. She then asked if she went to voluntary would she find farts and burps there as well...

[citronella]

Ds2 (3) of 'helicopter' seeds:

"If we put a battery in it can fly".

[schneebly]

I nearly choked reading these

DS1 when he had done one of those poos which burns your bum "mummy my poo is a bit spicy!"

DS2 on getting pins and needles "mummy my foot is all fizzy!"

[DuffyFluckling]

Dd declines the verb 'to resc'

Resc me
Rescue
Resc him, her or it...