"God is actually a flying dutchman you know" The most bizarre nonsense you children have spouted

[schneebly]

that one came from DS2 (4y4m) today on the way to nursery. Am I to blame the television? Perhaps that spongebob fellow?

[sandra79]

my dd believes that we are peppa pigs family, her little bro answers to george as if it was his name! she insists on shouting 'mummy pig' 'daddy pig'when you are in a shop etc!!

[Goldberry]

Dd, age 3, said to dh the other day "Daddy you can make db's milk and do the cooking at the same time because you're so good at multi-tasking". Not as surreal as some of your hilarious posts, but definitely classed as nonsense, given that dh can't even look at anything and hear what I'm saying at the same time...

[Mummyfor3]

"First you skin the cat, and then you eat the chicken." - DS2, then 3, explaining to me how to prepare cat for dinner - worrying or what?! All uncooked meat for him is chicken . And no, I have never served cat for dinner...

[Pinkjenny]

sandra79 - myt dd does this as well, calls dh Daddy Pig and she is dd Pig. I'm never Mummy Pig though - think my less than calm demeanour lets me down.

[5inthebed]

My DS1, when he was 3 (he's nearly 6 now) used to "hoove" with a hoover and "ham" with a hammer.

He also wanted to be there when ds3 was born last year so he could see him come out my mouth . Goodness knows how he thought he got there

[thefortbuilder]

ds1 when asked if he needs a poo and he doesn't "there's not enough there yet"...

[evansmummy]

Ds also believes that when he was born, as I was so fat (he's seen photos of heavily pregnant me), I burst like a balloon to get him out. I don't know how to explain the reality...

[Ayumu]

Mummyfor3 that is hilarious!!! I am actually crying from laughing so much at that one.

I am going to have to stop reading for a while and come back to these!

[atigercametotea]

dd's poos are frequently having dinner and are not ready to come out. Ocassionally they have been at school too...

when she wet the bed the 'wee wee just jumped out' - dd was in tears..

[Soph73]

"DS1 when he had done one of those poos which burns your bum "mummy my poo is a bit spicy!"

schneebly - do we have the same son? DS1 says that

[Saltire]

DS2 "mum do you want to know how Moses parted the red sea?"
ME"not really but I have a feeling you are going to tell me"
DS2" well he blew on it with a straw"
ME " a straw?"
DS2 "yes and do you know why it was red? Cos it wasn't really a sea it was blood"
ME "blood?"
DS" "yes, dinosaur blood"

[Soph73]

Last year DS1 informed me that "we live, we die, we go to Devon."

[schneebly]

loving the 'hamming' with a hammer

[chickeninabox]

Daughter (3) recently announced to all and sundry that Daddy had been stuck on the train with 3 elves. When told that 'no, he was stuck on the train for 3 hours' she replied 'yes, for 3 hours with 3 elves...'

[snigger]

I have to post to say I've caught up on this thread, posted elsewhere, done some laundry - and still snorted involuntarily five minutes ago at Mummyfor3's

"First you skin the cat, and then you eat the chicken."

Junior Ray Mears, eh?

Still laughing.

[midnightexpress]

5inthebed, my two like nothing better than a bit of light 'hosepiping' or 'screwdrivering'.

[cestlavie]

(In the context of our usual morning debate about her not wanting to go to nursery but stay slumped on the sofa in her PJs in front of the TV)

Me: "But you'll be able to see your (many)friends when you get there."

DD: "I can't go. My friends will all bite me."

In the same vein as to why she can't go to nursery: "My eyebrow hurts too much".

She really needs some better excuses...

[Flamesparrow]

Did you know that apparently you grow chicken like peas.

Entirely different from the birds....

[Pepa]

pmsl over "we live, we die, we go to Devon."

[Miggsie]

DD also wants to be a mermaid when she grows up "so I can do lots of swimming". Until then she is learning to "fly like a bird". She stands on the sofa and hurls herself off and lands in cushions on the floor, this goes on for ages. She says "one day I won't hit the floor". She is convinced she will eventually fly.

Oh, and "was daddy in the war?"
Daddy is 42.

She was obviously constipated one day and I could hear her grunting and straining so called through the bathroom door "have you got hard poo?" "No, mummy" she gasps. "So why all the grunting then?" I replied.
Long pause.
"That's my brain thinking a lot of thoughts."

!!!!!!

[funtimewincies]

Miggsie. When ds (2.4) was asked the other day if he was doing a poo and needed a change of pull-up, he managed to grunt out 'no, I'm thinking'.

I've often wondered if men use the same neural pathways for both activities .

[dippica]

One winter the kitchen was freezing.

DH put some tape over the kitchen door keyhole and announced "that should keep the draught out".

DS2 (5) went quiet for a minute, then asked "so will the giraffe be stuck in the garden?"

[gibbberish]

These are hilarious

My sis's dd is convinced that when a baby is in the womb, the mum's boobs are where the baby rests its arms.

[MissGreatBritain]

DD (now 12) thought that the line in "Hot Cross Buns" was "if you have no tortoise, give them to your sons".

DS when he was about 3 thought that the bronze casts of his feet that we have in a frame were his real baby feet and that he'd since grown new ones.

DS's friend thinks that his birthday will be the 12th of May next year, not the 11th as it is this year because someone told him his birthday would be on a different day next year.

[EachPeachPearMum]

My dd did screwdrivering too!
She also insists its "savil" and we put savil on when we've hurt ourselves.
I can't even begin to list the garbage endearing stories she spouts.... verbal diarrhoea