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Parenting

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Original poster

So just how bad can 3 be? Really?

57 replies

kayjayel · 23/04/2009 12:11

I'm broody. DD is 10 mths - apparently (on another thread) this is classic broody time, but I do generally find parenting hard. So can all wise mums of 3 or more give me the horridest bits of having three so if I do it at least I'll have eyes open.

So far I have reckoned that:
DC3 would probably be a terrible sleeper (1 and 2 have been)
I would get quite fat (4 stone each pg , still 1 stone to get off)
I would feel quite desperate for sleep, to the extent I was dangerous driving
I would never see DP
I would have no life
I would get depressed
I wouldn't have enough time to enjoy any of the kids
Having 2 close together would be physically and mentally exhausting beyond anything else

So if you have three, what were the worst times and how bad did it get?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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gardeningmum05 · 23/04/2009 12:28

i have 4, and there is exactly a year between the youngest 2. extremely hard having them close together i agree, but now that the youngest is 15 months i am reaping the benefits.
they have a playmate permanantly there which gives me abit of freedom.
as for the fat issue, running round with them and pushing a double buggy, you will soon lose the weight. i lost all mine within 6 months, and i am convinced it was cos of pushing the buggy

Original poster

kayjayel · 23/04/2009 12:30

So no downsides...! What I was wondering was what does 'extremely hard' really mean - dark nights of the soul? Wishing you hadn't done it?

OP posts:

JustCallMeGoat · 23/04/2009 12:33

god just do it. i have one and would desperately love 3 or more. honestly fat can be lost, babies grow up and sleep (eventually). your life would be your babies.
not sure about depressed - i am depressed cos i can't. you can enjoy all 3 kids together.

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Seuss · 23/04/2009 12:34

3 really isn't bad at all BUT if you do want the not so good bits:

You don't have enough hands to hold them all crossing the road.

You can't get three car-seats in all cars (as we found).

DH and I were used to putting one to bed each - suddenly there weren't enough of us!

It can get tricky if they all want to do different clubs etc.

Family tickets for days out etc. are nearly always 2 adults and 2 children.

But I wouldn't let any of those things put you off - if you start a thread for the +ve things I'll post on that too!

Poledra · 23/04/2009 12:36

My BIL (lovely man, father of 3) says never have more children than you have laps for them to sit on

Seuss · 23/04/2009 12:37

Good point Poledra BUT you can have one either side and one on your lap! (Have to vary who gets to sit on the lap tho to avoid jealousy)

Poledra · 23/04/2009 12:39

Seuss, I have 3 children already

Original poster

kayjayel · 23/04/2009 12:40

Oh Goat, I'm sorry you can't, I really am. I know I'm lucky to have the option (as far as I know). Part of my depression tends to be hating myself for not being grateful for my luck, when I know many people who'd swap.

Seuss, thats a lovely post, if I get pregnant I will probably panic and need a positives thread!

OP posts:

Original poster

kayjayel · 23/04/2009 12:41

Can you count grandparent laps? I don't seem to sit down enough for my lap to function properly as a seat!

OP posts:

JustCallMeGoat · 23/04/2009 12:41

i don't want your guilt please! do what is right for you. don't hate yourself, deperssion is a beast. good luck whatever you decide.

Marthasmama · 23/04/2009 12:44

Oh dear, so the broodiness will get worse? I'm broody already and dd is only 6 months. I will watch this thread with interest as we have decided that maybe three is the magic number. I have a strict rule that I won't even think about trying until I'm my ideal weight and that I will be militant about keeping my weight down throughout pg.

Original poster

kayjayel · 23/04/2009 12:47

mm - i thought the same and pg2 gained same. But I've been better getting it off second time. So obviously with third I will stick to it .

OP posts:

Marthasmama · 23/04/2009 12:53

Hee hee. Actually I was really good with number two but it made no difference! I gained the same as you, both times. I ate everything that didn't get out of the way fast enough first pg. I ate for three! I have to believe I can stay smaller otherwise I won't do it. I am finding shifting the weight tough this time.

Seuss · 23/04/2009 12:56

I found the weight went quicker after no. 3 but on the downside (if you insist on having the negatives) my stomach finally lost the last shred of elasticity - it was like it could handle two and revert to a relatively normal position but after three it just thought 'sod it what's the point?'.

lalalonglegs · 23/04/2009 13:00

I think it very much depends on the relationship between the older two: if they get on quite well and are loving towards each other and considerate of one another then three is fine; if you are constantly having to pull them apart and play referee then it would be a nightmare. Wait until your baby is a bit older to see what sort of dynamic there is and it may be a good indication of how they will accept a new sibling.

I have three, btw.

Marthasmama · 23/04/2009 13:07

We have a big age gap between ds and dd (5 years 2 months) and I think that's why we want another one. Seuss - my stomach gave up with ds! I am wondering whether a third would just rattle around in there.

Seuss · 23/04/2009 13:28

I have 3 years between ds1 and ds2 and then 2 years between ds2 and dd. We had to do the whole double buggy thing with the younger 2 (plus ds1 stood on the back - probably why the weight went quicker!) but I think if I'd waited much longer I would have talked myself out of a third as ds2 would have started playschool by then. I find the hard bit is when they are in different schools/playgroup and I spend most of the day carting them to and from places.

MerlinsBeard · 23/04/2009 13:33

Have only read OP so far so i don't colour my answers!

I have 3. I found going from 2-3 MUCH easier than 1-2. DS3 has slotted in nicely HOWEVER, DS2 was the ultimate difficult child so a herd of wild geese would have been easy to slot in after him!

bedtime is tricky so i just end up shoving them all up together and letting DS1 and 2 play/read for a bit. Baths i HATE so DH does them. Dreading when they are older and i haven;t enough hands to hold them or knees to sit them on.

I lost weight more easily after ds3 (including the extra stone that hung around after ds2) BUT i did bf him for 9 months which i didn't with the others.

YeahBut · 23/04/2009 13:37

I waited a while before having my third. My girls were 6 and 4 when ds was born and having two older children was a lot easier. I love having my three.

tummytickler · 23/04/2009 13:40

I have 4 and i am really broody for a 5th. I am terrified that i will always be broody and end up like the Duggars .
I found the first couple of weeks of the third being born quite stressful, and i felt very emotional about her (luck running out after 2 healthy children etc). She is nearly 4 now and as fit as a fiddle!
She is a godsend and a blessing in every way though - i still have a stone to lose from dc4 (and 3 ), but that is no reason to stop you having a dc imo.
Dh and i think we would be far more likely to regret NOT having another dc that having one.
Agree with Seuss about carting them about to school/playgroup and having to be here, there and everywhere.
I was very lucky sleep wise and she slept through early - i think it was because she was used to the hustle and bustle that nothing would wake her! On the downside she learnt tricks like how to escape from her cot form older dc's very early!
I really enjoyed my dc3 after the first 3 weeks or so of panic - try to get a family member to help with older dc's for first weeks (my parents had my older ones to stay the night a couple of times).
Try and give birth in the school holidays - makes it much less stressful .

gardeningmum05 · 23/04/2009 13:42

sorry,been busy..by hard i mean you never seem to stop!
you are fetching and carrying constantly, and its very hard to find time for yourself. i bath my younger 2 together,then the youngest goes bed at 5, the 2 year old an hour later. this gives me time then for the older 2. seems to work for me
its so rewarding when i see all of them together, i was 1 of 3 and loved having my siblings to play with which is why i have a large family

Poledra · 23/04/2009 13:44

An older friend of mine, whose children are all grown, was visiting recently, and the word she used was 'relentless' - I think that sums it up for me. There is always something which needs to be done for one of the children and very little time left over for me. My friend said it does get much easier though

MorocconOil · 23/04/2009 13:53

Every stage has it's challenges with 3 DC. The baby/toddler stage is hard, but wait til you have to get 3 school age DC out to school in the mornings. For me this has been the greatest challenge yet.
No doubt some one further along the parenting ladder will come along to tell us about life with 3 teenagers.

However I wouldn't not have the lovely family of 3 DC we have, even though they often drive me to insanity

frogwatcher · 23/04/2009 13:53

I had three under the age of 4, all the same sex and for two years it was o.k. Hard work but nice in a funny busy kind of way. At that stage the negatives (and thats all you say you want I think) were loss of income (we are soooo poor now compared to what we were due to my extensive time off work), we needed to get rid of our lovely estate car and buy a car we could fit three car seats in or turn front air bag off as all three were in young stage car seats, they were out of season and sizes so no hand me downs, and the loss of sleep was dramatic as out first two were not sleeping well so we were up to all three numerous times a night and ended up allocating children to each of us to respond to to allow us to at least get an hour or two sleep a night. Now, after four years its bloody awful. DD3 is still waking, they fight almost from the minute they get up - you can remove any one of them and it is lovely with them playing together and chatting etc. But when the third is introduced again, all hell breaks loose. We have resigned ourselves to the fact that it may well be like that forever and we try to do something with one of them to keep it as a two and a one. Individually or in pairs they are adorable, polite and really lovely to be around - as a three it is a disaster - and other people have commented on it so its not just us. Also the expense is huge - three lots of swimming, entrance fees if we go out, party presents, shoes, uniforms etc etc. The amount of work I miss due to illness is now huge too. I thought three would be lovely - now I wish I had four to even the balance, or preferably had stopped at one or two (I love them to bits and they are my life but even so ......). But I do think it could be because we have three the same sex and close in age with very similar personalities. You asked!!!!!!

Seuss · 23/04/2009 14:27

Agree with the expense frogwatcher, it's suprising what difference one more entrance fee/meal can make to a day out, not to mention the weekly shop.

Mine get on pretty well, but I have 2 boys and a girl so maybe that makes the difference.

Ah - time for another school run. Good luck with your decision making kayjayel!

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