So just how bad can 3 be? Really?

[kayjayel]

I'm broody. DD is 10 mths - apparently (on another thread) this is classic broody time, but I do generally find parenting hard. So can all wise mums of 3 or more give me the horridest bits of having three so if I do it at least I'll have eyes open.

So far I have reckoned that:
DC3 would probably be a terrible sleeper (1 and 2 have been)
I would get quite fat (4 stone each pg , still 1 stone to get off)
I would feel quite desperate for sleep, to the extent I was dangerous driving
I would never see DP
I would have no life
I would get depressed
I wouldn't have enough time to enjoy any of the kids
Having 2 close together would be physically and mentally exhausting beyond anything else

So if you have three, what were the worst times and how bad did it get?

I am following this thread with interest... am due with dc3 in September. There are 16 months between dc1 and dc2, and there will be just under 22months between dc2 and dc3

have had responses ranging from :"are you mad" to outright hostility

SiL, who is an embittered character who can't stand that I have lead a fulfilled life as a woman and wife as well as as a mother (long story!!) is constantly telling me horror stories of how hard I am going to find it and then getting aggravated when I smile serenely and say that I think it will be fine (bear in mind she has 2 dc only so not sure with what authority she is speaking!!)

Anyway.... I have consulted with lots of friends who DO have 3 dc and they all say that the change from 1 to 2 was harder then from 2 to 3. And I think that my (perhaps wishful) thinking is that dc3 will be easier than dc2 was simply because dc1 and dc2 entertain each other to such an extent.

When I had dc2, dc1 was utterly dependent on me for entertainment, stories, play, attention etc etc ... now I find myself able to take time out to faff on mumsnet (like now!) while they sit together at my feet playing with my shoes, happy as anything. Substitute a feeding baby for the laptop and you see how I'm imagining that it will be okay. I've also just put dc1 in nursery 2 mornings a week, just to give me some time alone with dc2 and a relative 'break' ... will consider upping this to maybe 3-4 mornings a week in September, depending on how things go (certainly don't want her to feel pushed out but nor do I want her exuberance to be constrained by the fact that I am slumped on the sofa with a baby on my boob)

In pratical terms, yes, I can see that it will be tough. getting from A to B is a mission at the best of times - with 3 aged 3 and under, could be enough to send me grey! We are getting a new car and are moving house, too. (also moving to Australia, but that's another story)

Of course, sleep deprivation could be a problem (dc1 was a magic sleeper, dc2 less so) and I have to admit that I am struggling, mentally, with the weight gain. As someone who is obsessed with being 10 stone or thereabouts, it fills me with horror to see the scales creeping up up up up ... I have to keep reminding myself I"M PREGNANT!! And I've lost the weight twice before.

Anyway, I'll keep watching this thread and take on the advice of those who are in the know! Thank you.

kayjayel, breastfeeding hasn't been a problem, mainly for the reason that letthemeatcake mentioned - I usually send the other two off to play and they entertain each other. I won't lie and say that this 'always' works, as often as not they end up having a scrap and yelling for me but DD is a quick feeder and despite only dropping down to 3 hourly feeds a week ago the boys soon learned that I will not/cannot come and sort out their arguments when I am feeding. Actually, it has been quite good for them as they have started to deal with some of the lesser disputes between themselves, whereas pre dd they were constantly coming to me to sort out petty arguments - I actually think they are getting on better now.

When we first brought dd home and she was feeding frequently, I found it useful to have a few interesting books that I could read to the boys (1 either side of me) so that they didn't feel left out, we went the library and changed their books more regularly than usual and invested in some sets of books from places like 'books for children'. I was also a bit naughty and invested in a couple of looong DVDs that I knew would hold their attention (for emergency child sedation purposes). Actually, I don't think we used the DVDs and my boys have actually watched less tv since dd arrived as they are either playing with each other or with her these days.

Bear in mind that my boys are quite a lot older than dd though, so I have all day 5 days a week when they are at school as one-to-one time with dd. I also have a very supportive DH who is a really hands on Daddy and a very, very amenable and patient baby who feeds for no longer than 10 minutes at a time and almost never cries as well as sleeping through from 10.30 pm to 7.30 am, so I really am blessed.

I'm not saying its been easy, DS2 was very poorly and in hospital for 8 days when I was 38 weeks pregnant and has got a lot of catching up to do with school so for me the problem time is after school when its all go. We come in check school bags for letters, the boys change out of their uniforms, then I make them a drink and a snack, then they both read to me and then I have to sit with each of them while they do their homework - then they usually have half an hour of play while I make tea and its time for Daddy to come home and put them to bed. Trying to fit in bf during all that was difficult at first as she would need two feeds during that time, but now she only has one I tend to feed her while they are doing their reading.

My advice if you go ahead would be to buy a baby swing and a moby sling, then you've got all your bases covered if you have to entertain the baby and the other dcs at the same time.

I'm going to go and ponder... thanks for everyone's advice and sharing. Haven't even got periods back yet, so I can't just jump in yet, which is probably good! I'll have a grown up think about my life and my family. letthemeatcake - you should update this thread in 6 mths with a comparison of how things are when the baby's born. Good luck!

much easier to breast feed than bottle feed imo

I agree, breastfeeding much easier.

interesting thread, we are thinking of going for a third, i talk to anyone who has 2 or 3 older children and so far most people with 2 older children wish they had gone for that third i.e. my dc's nursery manager has 2 boys, 14 and 16, had them when she was 28 and 30 and her broodiness for a third didn't pass until she was 42!!! my friend has one sister and says her mum still regrets not having a third, same with another friend but she regretted not going for 4...... and those with 3 say go for it!!

i'm 38 so in 5 years time or even 2 i know that i would definately not (or be able to) go try....

its a difficult decision and something to live with forever i guess either way!

I made a long list of disadvantages of having a third. Struggled to think of advantages.

And then thought

"but I want one"
"if we don't, there are enough of us in this family"
"two is not enough"

So we had another.

It is relentless chaos but I do like having the back seat full up.