So just how bad can 3 be? Really?

[kayjayel]

I'm broody. DD is 10 mths - apparently (on another thread) this is classic broody time, but I do generally find parenting hard. So can all wise mums of 3 or more give me the horridest bits of having three so if I do it at least I'll have eyes open.

So far I have reckoned that:
DC3 would probably be a terrible sleeper (1 and 2 have been)
I would get quite fat (4 stone each pg , still 1 stone to get off)
I would feel quite desperate for sleep, to the extent I was dangerous driving
I would never see DP
I would have no life
I would get depressed
I wouldn't have enough time to enjoy any of the kids
Having 2 close together would be physically and mentally exhausting beyond anything else

So if you have three, what were the worst times and how bad did it get?

Thanks everyone for lots of thoughts! Its really helpful. I can always rationalise the practicalities but 'relentless' is a word I'm a bit scared of.

Frogwatcher, thanks for your post, its made me think a lot. I had been focusing on the early years as the most difficult, but hadn't thought as much about the older years, squabbling etc. Silly really as I fought non stop with my sister. At the moment DS loves being older and looking after DD, and is generally very good with little ones, but DD can't yet get into his stuff...

tummytickler - I think 5 sounds great!

mimizan - I hadn't even considered teenage yrs.

So to my own list I'm adding:

• relentlessness of kids' needs
• financial
• practical
• spending loads of time getting to and from places
• getting 3 kids dressed
• kids not getting on
• not having enough adults to deal with kids
• double buggy hassle
• extreme no sleep
• missing work from kids and my bugs

• on the plus side - no time to cook/eat, lots of running around - the weight issue may not be a big deal!

I know I want more, but I know I'm terrible at imagining I can cope and just jumping in, so these thoughts are helping me try to be realistic.

I will have the 4th, but if I could go back in time I'd stick with 2, seriously. The world is planned for 2 adults and 2 children.

i have just had my 3rd child who is nearly 1 month old and have dd who is 3 and ds who is 2 and its not too bad at the mo, but must admit i think it will def get harder as they get older!

I have 4 between 10 yrs and 13mths and assuming you have no financial or health/disbility problems I don't think its that hard. Yes, you need a large car (I'd recommend a people carrier) and yes some things are boring and repetitive but for me there's nothing better than a gaggle of children with their chatter and energy and enquiring minds.

My DCs are all good sleepers so I don't have problems with tiredness but I think you have to work at it and I strongly believe a routine makes life manageable. A little organisation goes a very long way and I think you have to put yourself at the end of the line. Childhood is so short that it really doesn't matter to me that I can't ever do anything by myself, have to act as a permanent driver, sergeant major, judge and jury as its worth it when I get thanks for a lovely day or nice experience.

Sorrento - do you mean the practicalities and finances? Or the having to juggle attention/hands etc?

Ellenjames - that sounds like a hard work age gap! How do you manage bedtime?

i have 3 boys and love it but worry how mucvh they will cost me in food as teengers

if you want the worst bits

generally not having enouhj 1 to 1 time with the older ones
bedtime routine becomes more tricfkly

dirty washing, folding washing, putting away washing
our house is burstinhg at the seems
car issue

i have found having three a bit like bbeing one of thoseplates spinners you see at a circus
jkeeping a plate sdpinning is not tricky but you have to keep running backwards and forward to keep them all spinning at once and to stop them all crashing to the ground

it is the relentlessness i thin k

oh and you have to jus t surrender yourself to sleep deprivation ime

seams

See on the one hand I think that I'm so tired and used to being tired/getting up for kids, that its better to do it again while I'm used to it, but that could be foolish thinking. But then that word 'relentless' again - sends a shiver down my spine. I found 1 a challenge, I found 2 pushed me to the edge, if I did 3 somethings would have to be different. Would getting a cleaner/some help with house stuff make a difference?

All of them Kay !

It's only started to hit me this year now that DD3 needs attention for homework, spellings, wants to join Rainbows, swimming lessons, piano etc.
Certain holidays are completely out of the question now, we would be ski ing with 2 children but the 3rd just pushes it out of reach.

I am always very worried about treating them equally but the truth is as you get older you run out of the energy and enthusiasm for many things.
DD1 had beautiful birthday parties at home with entertainers, homemade cup cakes, pink balloons etc, DD3 is getting a dreaded softplay party.
As I said I am going for the 4th because I kind of expect I've pushed lots of things off the radar now so I might as well have the 4th, but I do look at friends with 2 and the easy life they have in comparison and get twinges of regret.
Of course I would be without her now, but what you've never had you never miss.

I don't have three and am also fighting feelings of broodiness for just one more . I have a 4 yr old and a 5 month old. My DH is absolutely adamant that there will be no more, so there won't be. I have squared that with myself with the following:

I think I like being pregnant, but in reality., I don't. The sickness, the exhaustion...could I really go through it all again with two small children?

I find the lack of freedom involved in parenting difficult, if I am brutally honest. At the moment, I have the odd night out and we manage to have a fairly civilised life, but with three or more that might get much harder....

Sleep. DS was a nightmare. DD is an angel and sleeps 12 hours (has done sicne 8 wks old). I sonetimes break out in a cold sweat when i think that I am purely lucky and that she could have been appalling like her big brother. Could I have coped with it? Could I do it again? Really?

Practical issues - we'd have to get a bigger car. Our relatively spacious home would seem cramped. Money would be tighter. Family stuff is geared towards 2 adults, 2 children...etc

I don't want to be fat again. I know it sounds petty, but I hate being overweight. It makes me feel depressed and hideous and I really, really don't want to go there again.

My mum would kill me if I got pregnant again!

Seriously...I know his is really pessimistic, but it cures my broodiness.

I was helping with three lots of different homework this evening, whilst cooking dinner, beating back the K2 mountain of washing and trying to get two of them to Beavers.

I love them all to bits and the ups outweigh the downs, but boy it can be full on and sometimes your head feels like it will explode.

There are 3 yrs between my oldest and my dt's.

The family of 5 point re holidays and days out is a good one to consider. Ie a hotel room would most likely have to be 2 rooms. Hence we don't stay in hotels and our holidays involve mainly camping. But then given the choice the dc would always prefer that anyway. It's me that'd like a hotel once in a while

kayjayel - i found 1 a challenge and 2 pushed me to the edge too

but three is great

I was just feeling more realistic reading MrsMattie's post, then popsycal spoilt it ! Maybe I'll just keep having babies until it gets easier .

I'm less worried about practicalities, as if I'm spending loads of money on a hotel/holiday I want to enjoy it just me and DP! We're a camping family really.

Tsar - my god - 1 to 3 is a big jump in one!

hree really is lovely

really

Really popsycal? I was starting to have a re-think reading this little lot! Maybe my situation is a bit different as my ds is that little bit older, so I'd only really have the two little ones who would need me all the time. He'd be nearly 8 by the time number three came along if all things go to plan. Hmmmmmmmm........

ds1 is 7 in August, ds2 was just turned 4 last month and ds3 is

I do find they become an entity of their own - a little gang in their own world. That is lovely to watch.

Other children hang about on the perimeter and are attracted to it hoping to be included. They always are quite welcoming to anyone wanting to join in, but they firmly have each other. They're all very close; I think that gives them a lovely feeling of family.

I fascinates me as I don't have brothers or sisters. Watching them, I sometimes wish I did (until a dipute erupts)

3 is a lovely number. I had 3, 3 and under.

My two oldest are 14 months apart. DC2 was 22 months when DC3 was born. I found that the oldest would nap/play together and keep each other amused whilst DC3 slept. Suddenly I had some down time during the day.

Now the oldest two do the same activities, so that simplifies things. We tend to do activities run by the local Council during the holidays which are reasonably priced and we eat a lot of packed lunches and picnics rather than buy food out.

I often make dinner in the morning, so avoid the hell that is tea and bathtime with tired children at the end of the day.

It is all completely do-able if that's what you want.

Personally I loved having 3, it only became relentless with DC4. I wouldn't change a thing.

bedtimes are fine at the mo as the older 2 have always gone to bed together as they share a room. Ds2 goes to bed with me as he sleeps in the moses basket in my room. Must admit i do stick to routines as it can only make life easier in the long run!
It was really hard when ds2 was born as both the older two had an awful sickness bug, one after the other lasting 2 weeks! It started the day after he was born, now that was really hard!

ohforfoxsake, that is the same age gaps that i have! I often do tea in the morning to make life easier!

ellenames, I have 2 ds's (7 and 5) and one dd (3 months) the boys were actually 6 and 4 when she was born though. My older ones came down with winter vomiting virus the day I brought dd home as well. What a nightmare! We were confined to my bedroom for a week, which was no fun for anyone (especially me as we have a downstairs bathroom!) and made the initial introductions and bonding between the kids a tad difficult to say the least.

That said, dd has been an absolute dream baby and is totally adored by both of her big brothers. It is hard work meeting all their demands, especially during the school holidays, but sooo worth it and we are all loving it, so far.

kayjayel, downsides for us were not having enough pairs of hands when they all want you at the same time, strain on the finances (although bf at the moment means dd doesn't cost much) fitting 3 car seats in a car and losing the study but gaining a baby's bedroom. On the other hand the daily delight of having dd here has more than outweighed any negatives and we haven't regretted her for a second.

I would say, make sure you actually want another 'child' rather than just another 'baby' - that was the discussion that DH and I had that finally clinched our decision to go ahead with number 3.

Just read my last paragraphy back and realised it sounded really patronising. Sorry.

I only mentioned it because when we started discussions I was really broody and DH was worried I just wanted another baby, but when we thought about how we saw our future as a family we both realised there would be a gap in our lives if we didn't have another child. Now she is here we are absolutely sure she was destined to fill the gap in our family, she just fits perfectly and it feels like she's always been here iyswim.

Paragraph not paragraphy . Baby brain!

I think you must all be that mythical creature the 'natural mother'! I definitely want the child more than the baby, moosemama - the baby is the bit I struggle with most. Was bf tough to manage with two older ones wanting you? I'm a bit worried about that, especially as DD never took bottles, and fed frequently, so was constantly on me and only me for 6 mths, which was tough on DS.

not patronising, I see what you mean.