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Original poster

Eating together as a family...

26 replies

christmasmum · 21/04/2009 20:13

Hello everyone

Just looking for a bit of advice/opinions! My DD is 15 months old and currently eats lunch at 11:30-12 and dinner at 5:15pm. I know it's best to sit and eat as a family but I never want to eat at these times and I'm worried I'll end up like a barn if I eat two lunches and two dinners every day!

I was fine about this, assuming we'll all eat together when her meal times stretch on a bit longer but my friend came over today and has put the fear of god into me that I'm damaging her for life by not eating at the same time. Would like to stress that I do obviously sit with her and chat throughout her meals.

Any opinions welcome (though I'd rather that they didn't end up terrifying me further clearly)!!

OP posts:

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littleboyblue · 21/04/2009 20:16

My ds1 is 20 months. I think we have sat and had a meal together (not including when we're out, so just at home) 3 times.
Like you, I don't want to eat that early, I like to eat dinner in peace with dp around 8ish.

I obviously see why you should eat as a family, but I really can't see it doing massive damage. Although we didn't eat as a family when I was a child......so maybe your dd won't be too concerned about this herself with her dc's?

squeaver · 21/04/2009 20:18

My dd is 4 and we still only eat together as a family at breakfast time and at lunchtime at the weekend (she starts nursery at 12.30 and has to have lunch before then and no way am I eating lunch at 11.15)

Your friend is a loon.

SazzlesA · 21/04/2009 20:19

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Overmydeadbody · 21/04/2009 20:21

If I'm going to be eating later, say with friends, then I tend to only have something inconsequential like a big salad while DS eats his supper, so I'm still sitting and eating with him.

Could you just do that? Eat a salad or veg while dd eats? This would also be good for her, seeing you eating lots of veg and greens!

MrsJamin · 21/04/2009 20:21

you're not damaging her for life but it's something I think about changing too. DS is 15 months too and eats at similar times, however lunch is generally 11.30. I would ideally eat with him at 12 and 5.30 - I think I'd be ok eating at these times but not 11.30 and 5. I just can't imagine how he's going to learn how to use a fork (and later a knife) if he never sees me use one. Plus it's so much easier making one lot of meals rather than two an hour or so apart. Perhaps when they get a little older they can eat a little later?

Also if you provide something that you fancy eating at that time it can help, e.g. scrambled eggs on toast feels quite breakfasty so is quite nice for us to eat together at 11.30 for lunch/brunch.

Overmydeadbody · 21/04/2009 20:23

and I think as long as you are sitting with her and chatting that is fine too!

She's still young, I think it becomes more important as children get older and spend more and more time during the day away from parents, as it is a good time to all get together again and touch base, as it where.

Don't worry so much

IlanaK · 21/04/2009 20:27

I have 3 ds and with the first, he ate meals at different times than us. I totally regret it as it took a long time for him to accept family meals. With ds2, I said I would not make the same mistake and we always ate family meals. He is not fussy at all and always sat well from young. Ds3 is now 9 months and joins in for all family meals - eating whatever we eat. He regualarly joins in the conversations too - very loudly! I can't imagine now going back to the way we did things with ds1 and I honestly still see the effects in his eating now 7 years later.

Original poster

christmasmum · 21/04/2009 20:32

That's just the thing OMDB, I wasn't worrying today until she looked at me in horror when I said that I was making curry for tea, meaning mine DHs and not DDs, and she was then really shocked that I ate 'so late' (7:30-8pm usually) and wasn't it bad for my digestion. Lol.

I always remember eating as a family and loved it, but can't really remember what I did as a child, suspect Mum gave us fishfingers and waited for my dad to get home and prepare her a culinary masterpiece!

Will start trying to eat lunch with her though. Have got too used to putting her into bed at 12 and having my own lazy lunch and watching tv doing the housework...

Thanks for all the reassurance!

OP posts:

applepudding · 21/04/2009 22:09

I have eaten my meals same time as DS since he was about 3 and didnt have to base meals around naps.

We normally have our tea early about 5 - 5.30.

DH works shifts so we only eat all together on a weekend or holiday.

Meglet · 21/04/2009 22:18

My dc's are 2.5yr ds and a 7mo dd. (I'm a lone parent). We sit together a couple of times a month when I do roast dinner. TBH I hate it as I have to help dd spoon/finger feed and try and slow down ds's eating or he'd scoff the lot in seconds then grizzle about wanting pudding . I also have ibs and can't set a good example eating lots of veg + fruit so its best if I scoff my plates of white carbs on my own. But having said that ds eats amazingly well (loves broccoli, will happily scoff olives, avocado, brie etc) and he behaves just fine when we eat at relatives houses or go out to eat.

I hope we can eat together more when they are older, but for now it doesn't seem to have caused them any problems.

Acinonyx · 21/04/2009 22:31

DD is 3.7 and we have just started eating evenging meals together 4 days/week (when she is not with her childminder). Before then it was difficult partly due to timing but largely due to her limited diet and dislike of our preferred spicy food.

So now we all eat dd friendly meals for 4 evenings (6-6.20) and curries the other three day! it's been a few weeks and working well. Got a range of about 7 meals and just hoping to add a new one every now and then.

Dd thinks it is a special growing up thing to do now she is getting bigger and likes us to all eat the same thing together. I don't think it mattered before - feeding babies and toddlers is so stressful anyway.

FrankMustard · 22/04/2009 01:00

christmasmumMy youngest ds also eats his lunch outside of "normal" lunchtime hours (he sleeps over lunchtime) but I do what you do and sit with him while he eats his food. I think as long as you're sitting with your child and not leaving DD to eat on her own without any sort of interaction, then it's absolutely fine! I try and time a cuppa and a little snack when my boys have their tea - usually 4.30/5pm because when they all come back from school, they're starving and I don't want a meal at that early hour but we sit round together and chat and they don't notice I'm not eating the same as them!
As for eating 7.30/8pm - your friend would be horrified to know that this week my DH and I haven't sat down to our meal until after 9pm every night! Not ideal, but certainly nothing to get in a flap about!
(better not let on that on rare occasions we have a picnic on the floor while watching the footy/rugby)

barleycorn · 22/04/2009 11:01

Ds is 2.8 and we have breakfast together, and some lunches but never tea, dh is often late back from work & I like to eat with him later. We do try & have lunches all together at the weekend, which ds enjoys.
I think that as long as you eat together at times, or just have a cup of tea whilst they eat at other times, surely the important thing is to sit with them & chat?
Your friend sounds a bit OTT on this.

GColdtimer · 22/04/2009 11:11

"my friend came over today and has put the fear of god into me that I'm damaging her for life by not eating at the same time"

your friend is a loon - your DD is 15 months old fgs.

When DD was that age I would nibble on some veg/fruit at the same time as her but I didn't eat at the same time. Now she is 3, we do eat together a lot more. These things evolve over time and nothing stays the same for too long. At least that is what I have found .

greatwhiteshark · 22/04/2009 11:15

My life would be so complicated if my children had different mealtimes to us! Can't you and your DH eat a little earlier and your DD eat a little later so you're all eating together. Why do her mealtimes have to be so rigid?

We all eat together at breakfast time (whenever we want it), lunchtime (whenever we want it) and dinner time (6.30, as soon as DH gets in from work). We comprise a 6yo, a 4yo, a 2yo and 7m old and have done this for a long, long time now.

Original poster

christmasmum · 22/04/2009 11:39

My DH doesn't get home till past 7 most nights and I much prefer to eat with him tbh, very rarely have to spoon feed him etc

I don't think her meal times are that rigid it's just the way it pans out during the day. She eats her lunch between 11:30-12 and her dinner at about 5-5:30. I probably do like a good routine but that suits her and me so I don't want to mess with it just for the sake of it.

I think all the advice about letting it happen naturally is spot on, so thank you for the reassurance. When she drops or cuts back on the lunch nap (from her blissful 2.5 hours) and when I can persuade her that a sandwich is not some sort of devil food I suspect it will be a lot easier!

OP posts:

Gateau · 22/04/2009 12:29

We always all eat dinner together (DS is 2); I can't imagine it being any other way. I wouldn't like to give him his meal earlier than us; it would seem more like a duty than one of the most improtant parts of the day when we are all together enjoying our food. For me, it's important he eats what we eat, unless it's a hot Thai curry or the like.
I can't see what yu're doing would cause any lasting damage, though.

elliott · 22/04/2009 12:32

We switched to us all eating together (at about 6pm) when ds2 was about 18 months and ds1 3.5. It works for us but I can see that it wouldn't work for everyone. In fact as they get older I find that we eat together less as they often have friends over or have activities that mean they have to eat earlier than me or dh can be home from work.

I think it is great to eat together as regularly as you can, but I think it has most importance for older kids who need to learn how to eat in a civilised manner(!) and who benefit more from joining in with general mealtime chat.

fluffles · 22/04/2009 12:36

when i was a child we had lunch at 1pm so we could wait till later for our dinner.

we did however always religiously have 'eleveneses' snack.

Any chance that coould work?

elliott · 22/04/2009 12:39

I really wouldn't worry about it at this age. However, I would say that my body clock has completely adjusted to eating at 6 rathre than 7.30 as we did pre-kids.

Gateau · 22/04/2009 12:40

It's the preparing of two meals that I wouldn't be bothered with as well; no way wouldI do that!
I think the reason a lot of people (not saying anyone here) get the kids' meals over and done with early so they can pack them off to bed early and have the rest of the night to themselves.

FrankMustard · 22/04/2009 13:02

I don't see why there's such an issue about having to eat EVERY meal all together as a family. As long as it is encouraged where possible to give chance for chat and enjoyment of food together, it's fine not to all eat every single time. I think the OP is doing perfectly well and, as another poster said, things evolve as the children get older anyway. Sometimes the other parent might work late which makes eating dinner together out of the question, sometimes a toddler's nap during lunch hour means their lunch has to be done early etc., etc. I have 4 children and we all eat together as a family every mealtime at weekends when we're all at home and DH is home, but during the week it's not practical as my boys need early tea after a busy day at school but I'm not always ready to eat a full meal at 4.30/5pm so on the few days that I don't have tea with the DCs, I will have a snack or a cuppa and then eat later with DH.
What IS important to my mind is that children are given the basics of good habits at mealtimes in terms of sitting down when they eat, eating nicely, saying please and thank you etc and then you'll never have any issues with going out to eat because your child will know how to behave and it makes mealtimes more enjoyable as they get older.

roseability · 22/04/2009 17:13

What time do you eat at then Gateau? My DS can't wait much later than 6 and my DH isn't home until later. We do try and do meals together sometimes though and always have breakfast and lunch together. When he is older and can wait later, we will eat together every night.

bambipie · 22/04/2009 17:39

Haven't read whole thread. DD is 13 months. We have breakfast and lunch together and I have a cup of tea and sit with her while she has her supper. I can't imagine we'll eat together in the evening for ages though. Dinner together is time for DH and I to be together - and we eat embarrasingly late. It is useful that she's used to having meals together when in pubs / people's houses. An 11.30 lunch does sound early - could you have an elevenses snack and drink to keep her going till a later lunch? I don't think you'll damage her - but you might find eating together easier and quite nice.

Hulababy · 22/04/2009 17:42

We always have eaten together for our evening meal as much as possible. It is a ittle less often these days - DD is 7y - as she has activities after school and pay dates to fit in too.

When DD was little she would have a snack around 3:30 time either at nursery or home. She would then eat with me and DH again at 6:30pm - which is roughly when we still eat, just after Dh is home from work.

This was something that was important to me and DH, and it worked for us.

However - you have to do what works best for you and your family. It isn't a case of one size fits all.

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