If we were to consider bad parenting under one umbrella

[hobbgoblin]

To include the myriad of misdemeanours any of us might consider to constitute Doing A Bad Job, for the sake of argument...

What would you define as the cause?

My number one defining cause would be lack of sel esteem, please add to the list.

knackeredness and general pissedoffness with life in general

self esteem that'd be

How does yourlack of self esteem cause you to be a bad parent?

PND in fact any depression

'Lack of good parenting models, whether that's your own parents or the people around you.'
I agree. Parenting has changed so much over the last 30 years.

I think bad parenting is just down to ignorance. I know I am a better parent to my DC4 than I was when DC1 was little - and it's nothing to do with me as a person, just to do with the fact I know more. I have more experience, which leads to more confidence in my judgement.

lack of reflection

Lack of awareness/care of the effect one person has on another?

Lack of patience (usually due to tiredness or PMT)

I agree with RealityIsMyOnlyChocolateEgg in that there are lots of causes. That being said, many of those things (eg, poor self-esteem, many addictive behaviours etc) can be often traced back to one common root cause - inadequate parenting. How you are brought up defines the adult (and parent) you become to a very large extent.

inability to put your children first.

Tiredness
depression
Crap upbringing without parents so not knowing how to do it
depression
depression
depression

bad parenting is an attitunanal problem.

this creates and aceptable culture of petty crime and parental /authorititive disrestpect.

this culture can be broken if we change it as a whole, and not try to just change part of it. Educate society as a whole that there is a basic form of good manners. that education is important.

attitudinal change- like how smoking is now seen as the work of the devil - through advertising and education and investment.

same with attitudes towards breastfeeding - they have changed in a huge way

sorry - parenting classes were what i was getting at - i was just busy screaming at my kids and threatening them with social services. (really)

Some - not all - well-off parents are just as troublesome as some poorer people. The ones who work very long hours and barely see their children, delegating parenthood to nannies/boarding schools. This is not a dig at working parents, I work myself as did both my parents, but a few people choose a life or get caught up in a life where they don't actually see their children very often.

Custy - think it's wider than just parenting classes. We have a culture where some people don't think the default setting towards strangers is good manners. Have seen it on threads on here where parents demand 'how dare a stranger object to my precious child fingering every object in the shop ' - they should talk to ME not my children. And someone always says 'why should my children respect other people if they haven't done anything to deserve respect' - as if you can't be polite to someone you don't actually know.

Sorry for multiple posts but just remembered an example I saw recently. Mother allowed her children to run around a baker's shop with cafe, horrible brats touched the cakes, assistant objected, mother got the hump and instead of apologising and offering to pay stalked out of the shop saying 'come on children, we'll go to a NICE cafe'. Woman was middle class hence had had all the advantages of a decent education and not having to worry where the next meal was coming from. (I live in the same town, I know what people are like here.)

Lack of self-awareness and self-analysis.

I think a lot of people parent on auto-pilot, just repeating the sucesses and mistakes of their parents because their childhood was OK. Repeating the sucesses is great, mistakes are hard for these parents to see because then they'd have to analyse their sainted parent's mistakes which is often a road too difficult to cross. So the cycle continues.

Selfishness, also.

I think a lot of parents are caught up in the drama of their lives and love lives, and end up forgetting that the kids need attention and care. Often in this instance the parent/s are in an abusive relationship or an addict.

Not listening to your kids.

Just planning and deciding kids lives with no input from the kid is vain parenting. I'm thinking about poor Henrietta here, who has every waking moment scheduled in some enriching class or project. Not because she actually likes these endless clarinet lessons, but because mummy and daddy want her to achieve and reflect glory on them.

To answer the query about how I feel self esteem is responsible I will link to my reply here under the parents to balme for problems in schools thread.

I don't like phrases like 'bad parenting' TBH because so many people think that means doing thing differently to them . The only way to really judge the effectiveness of parenting is by looking at the end result IMO.

The way to raise a child ineffectively is:

1. to fail to be a considerate adult,
2. to fail to be a contributing member of society
3. to think that you and your family are an island
4. to assume that everyone else is trying to do you down in some way.
5. to compare yourself favourably or unfavourably with others.

"to compare yourself favourably or unfavourably with others" - but where would MN be without this

True! But I wouldn't do it front of my DC

How does one contribute to society? I don't think I do. I just am and be and get on with my life. Unless you mean taxes? Can I ask how others actively contribute to society?

Um... taxes, my job does in a very minor way compared to nurses or teachers, donating to charities, supporting ds's school. Not much, really, nothing that actually puts me out.