If we were to consider bad parenting under one umbrella

[hobbgoblin]

To include the myriad of misdemeanours any of us might consider to constitute Doing A Bad Job, for the sake of argument...

What would you define as the cause?

My number one defining cause would be lack of sel esteem, please add to the list.

Tiredness. Am shit parent right now, and alternately shouting at/ignoring kids. Cos I am so freakin' tired I could cry

I find the idea of lazy parenting quite perplexing TBH. I have 3 and haven't had a chance to be lazy in 12yrs! I think that often the term 'lazy' is used when what is meant is 'different to me'.

Haven't managed to read whole thread yet but I agree with Sakura that a certain level of money relieves stress and leads to better parenting.

However at the other end of the scale a high stress long hours job can lead to worse parenting, even if there is loads of money to spend.

I see this to a certain extent in my family. I think my dh was far more involved with dd1 as a baby than he is with any of the 3 dc now. He works 7am until at least 7pm, often weekends too if needed, often comes in talking on the phone and grumpy meaning I get less help and support which in turn makes me worn out and a worse parent imo.

Not sure what can be done about all that though. We do our best.

In some cases, Over-anxiety -- which is a kind of ignorance, maybe. I know some children whose mental well-being & self-esteem is affected because of the way their mothers project their own fears onto the dc.

Agree with that peanut.

I'm not sure that reading a lot helps lenin. For those lacking in confidence it can make things worse and more confused.

I especially do not agree that lack of money equals bad parenting. Money might pay for a Nanny, baby sitting, mountains of toys, a less stressed mum etc but this does not amount to good parenting.

You could be relatively poor but have a big family all willing to babysit. Children are just as happy playing with pots and pans, running around on the park. Children are happy when given attention and love and this is free.

Mumsnetting

Oh v true swedes! V true!

Agree with everything said below.

Plus parents who live vicariously through their children and want their dc to become mini-replicas of themselves without considering their needs as individuals.

And parents who smother and over-dominate and control their children in an attempt to ameliorate a lack of emotional fulfilment in their own lives.

I do almost everything on the list.

Surely the most important thing is to be a human being and recognise that your child is a human being? Human beings are riddled with faults, flaws and insecurities..... and you go on loving them anyway.

Bugger off all of you with your over-earnest, listeny, listeny, humourless parenting. Be sympathetic and loving when they makes mistakes, encouraging when they do well. But most of all, teach them how to laugh, at life and at themselves.

Yay swedes!

And the most important parenting word is 'yes' not 'no'. Good parenting doesn't mean no as a default setting!

Er, now, hang on a minute [blows out cheeks in mock indignation]

Um, can't speak for anyone else, and although I agree totally with your parenting model Swedes, I do take a bit of umbrage at having my parenting categorised as "humourless" however tongue in cheek your comment.

It isn't as a matter of fact.

And I think people have made some very good posts on this thread. We were responding to the op who asked about parenting misdemeanours and their cause. Otherwise we would and could have all posted about what we should be doing (ideally)....

Harrumph ... I'm off to plan some particularly earnest and humourless activities for dd tomorrow ....

I am relatively poor as I am a single mum on benefits, however I have a full rich life and so does dd. there is a lot of love in my household. So I would have to disagree that poverty can lead to bad parenting.
I went to a private school where rich kids from affluent families were dumped during term time. Bad behaviour, general arrogance, disrespect for other human beings and authority and emotional problems were rife.This was no sink comprehensive.
I think that giving your kids and over inflated sense of entitlement is bad parenting, however- letting them know that they are loved and respected is good parenting. A hard balance to strike. Love and firm boundaries are essential for good parenting.

Money might make parenting easier, it doesn't make you a better parent.

Automatic cars are easier to drive, they don't make you a better driver.

IMHO.

Seeing as I have been a particularly bad parent today I would say its just the relentlessness of it all. The constant repetitive tasks, the lack of sleep and the noise. Nothing what so ever to do with me