If you made a deliberate decision to stop at 2 children why was this?

[Concordia]

Please tell me lots of positive reasons for just having two children as I really want no 3 and somehow i know it just isn't going to happen. I need to convince myself there are good reasons for stopping at two rather than rubbish ones (age, health, money etc).

I would like a third in an ideal world, but we have stopped at two and I am OK with it.

Reasons:

DH is 46 and already feels like 'an old dad'. He doesn't want to be changing nappies into his fifties or be too old to run around the park with them.

Finances - would impact on everything. At the moment we have a comfortable life, but another child would definitely put a financial strain on us.

My health - I don't 'do' pregnancy well, was very ill in my second pregnancies, and have had two c-sections and would definitely need another, which means recovery time.

As my two children get older, I realsie that the baby stage, as cute as it is, is just one short stage. And as my two get older, they need more investment of time and energy in some ways. Ok, so they aren't completely dependent on you anymore, but their education needs proper care and attention, their social lives need managing (bloody after school clubs etc!), and they become proper people, with minds and wills of their own. Two is hard work. Three might finish me off.

In all honesty, I would probably ignore all of this and have a third child tomorrow, but I know in my heart of hearts it makes sense to stop now. Quit while you;re ahead, so to speak!

There was a newspaper article I read about a family that had just had their third child - except that it was (naturally conceived) triplets. Apparently all the other parents that they knew had been thinking about a third too, but decided to stop at two.

Personally, I couldn't hack another pregnancy (while struggling to look after two other children), another labour and scary delivery, another round of sleepless nights. We sometimes joke that after two that refused to sleep that we are due an angel baby. We joked when I was pregnant with DD2 that this one couldn't possibly be as bad a sleeper as the first.

I'm also really nervous of the increase in the risk of disabilities and miscarriages. I have been really fortunate and had two pregnancies resulting in two children. The risk of miscarriage really rises at my age. I felt that I would be pushing my luck to try again. Not that I think that women who do are wrong, it's obviously the right choice for them, but not for me.

Money

I needed to get back to work to pay the mortgage

Because as much as I adore dd2, and I do adore her, she is a bugger at the best of times. I cannot even comprehend the thought of going through this again!!!

Had I had her first, I would have stopped at 1 child.

That and I cannot stand being pregnant. I only had no.2 because it was what DH wanted. Had he not wanted another, I would have stopped at 1.

Because two does feel "complete" to me, but that's a personal feeling.

Because they get on really well and I don't want to rock the boat.

One per hand, enough space in the car, enough space in the house etc

Because I'm old enough that the risk factors are increasing.

Because I'm not really all that into the baby stage of life, can't bear broken nights, rubbish at soothing a screaming baby. And it's really, really nice to be moving out of that phase and discovering the amazing world of the primary school-aged child with all its new sources of wonder!

Because I'm getting back into the world of work and finding it surprisingly stimulating and a nice counter-balance to my family-orientated life from 3pm onwards each day.

I came from a large family and I craved being part of a "perfect" 2.4 children household.

My broodiness has been curtailed by having a puppy.

I don't think I have the energy to parent another child properly.

my parents remarried and had new families with their new partners, I think that was quite damaging to me and especially my brothers.

Ah I've just realised you don't want help to make a decision but support in coming to terms with the decision you have pretty much made.
Wasn't there a thread recently about the bad things about having 3 children

It might help

Forgot to mention my (poor, fucked up!) career. It has taken a serious blow already through two lots of maternity leave. Another child would leave it in complete tatters.

Selfish reasons, hated pg, childbirth, bf and newborn stage.

Like having my own life and doing my own thing. Dh is fine with 2 on his own so i can do stuff 3 would be a struggle (and vice versa although I'm more desperate to have me time than dh is, he doesn't start losing it after a few days of non stop childcare like i do)

Hate the way having dc has ravaged my once (dare I say it nearly perfect) body, too vain to risk anymore carnage.

Pelvic Floor says no.

Sleep

Career

I adore my 2 but I'm not naturally maternal and I couldn't handle anymore chaos in the house.

Money

Having to do the whole socialising with parents thing again. This aspect of parenting is the one I probably find most stressful, i just want to be with my mates!

Ongoing neverending anxiety about dcs.

I like the Pub, in the evening without dcs

Dh would have another i know he would but it's not him who has to endure pg labour and bf, or the subsequent sleepless nights.

Also the very negative impact it has had on mine and my dhs relationship. Anothe dcs would probably kill it off altogether

Like others have said...I've been lucky enough to have had two pregnancies and two healthy children.

I can (just about) cope with the two I've got and from what I hear this gets easier as they get older.

I always thought two children would be not enough. However, in years to come I would rather be able to cope and maybe possibly have a bit of "me" left over in reserve than always feel like I am only just coping or on the verge of not coping with nothing in reserve.

Plus, I am one of four, two of my siblings developed problems in their teenage years and I felt / feel that had my parents had less children they would have been able to devote more time to helping these two rather than having to spread themselves thinly across four children. At the back of my mind, I know that this situation is why I don't want to take on more than I think I can cope with, should the going get tough.

I've never wanted more than two children, it's always been my deep-down feeling and from an emotional point of view having two children feels like a 'complete' family to me, although I'm not really sure why this is! Maybe because I want each child to be able to have attention from at least one parent if they both need it at the same which is more difficult if there are more than two children in a family.

If I think about it from a practical point of view I can come up with plenty of reasons: money, don't enjoy pregnancy or giving birth, don't enjoy sleepless nights and all the the faff associated with weaning, sleeping etc and so really don't want to go through it again, impact on my career, need a bigger car, everything geared up to 2 adults/2 children family, gradually feeling like I'm slowly getting bits of my life like after having had two kids pretty close together - lots of these are very selfish reasons but also I think they will result in benefits to my two kids that would not necessarily occur so much if we had anymore children.

10 years ago, I didn't want any children, so it was quite a change (including a divorce and a new man) that led to my biological clock ticking in the first place.

But DS1 came along and I had such a horrible pregnancy and birth and DS1 was so difficult that I didn't want anymore.

Then an oops pregnancy, which ended in early miscarriage made me realise I did actually want another. I had a much better pregnancy (thank goodness with DS1 to deal with) despite placenta praevia, ending with the precipitate birth in the loo of DS2.

We already felt complete at this point. I was in my late 30s, we own a 2 bed house and we all fitted in a decent sized car.

Shortly after DS2's 1st birthday, DS1 was diagnosed with autism, which explained a lot. At this point, we decided we really truly were done and DH arranged to have the snip. Turned out, a year later, that DS2 was diagnosed with autism, too.

Short version: Love 'em both to bits, but we have no room for any more kids without moving and increasing the mortgage and some days we feel like we're being tag teamed by them and we're getting too old for that. Add in the very large risk of having another child with similar (or more profound) difficulties and, really, we're done.

I totally understand all the practical reasons for stopping at 2. But the emotional ones? middle child syndrome? Not having enough 1 on 1 time with each parent? Each child not getting enough love and attention?

It's a wonder that anybody manages to survive childhood with more than one sibling, and certainly astonishes me that any parent manages to raise more than 2 children.

To the op: if you have good practical reasons for not wanting 3 (or more!) children, or if you and your dh don't want 3, then stop at 2. But don't be swayed by the idea that you are emotionally short-changing your dc if you have more than 2, it's not true.

two main reasons

1. DC1 is VERY demanding (understatement!) Don't think I could personally handle throwing a DC3 into the mix. Sometimes I feel like I can only just about handle the two I have.

2. I worried that DC2 would get 'lost' somehow. (ie get so much less attention because he would be trapped between DC1 who needs a lot of time/attention and a baby DC3.) I have a bit of a 'thing' about 3 children families and have done since I was a child.

That said, both my DC have said recently that they'd love a little baby brother or sister!

My DS2 would be a horrible middle child, he is already massively competitive with his big brother.

What if I had a girl!!! Dont think my male-oriented house would deal with that.

Two parents, two kids, as other posters have said

Two hands, two kids

I sold all my baby stuff and DH will freak at having to buy new

I have a blood complication that gets worse with each baby; another pregnancy may mean baby needs an in-utero transfusion, which would be a bit crap

Pelvic floor, SPD, PND, sciatica, piles, carpal tunnel, and not drinking

Middle child syndrome - not fair on child 2 - speaking from experience as middle child among 6. Large families are totally unjustified unless parents can supply a whole lot of love, attention and practical resources. Plus I think the planet is full enough without contributing to population growth.

I had to relinquish my desire for a third due to a number of reasons:

1. My age - I am 39 in a couple of months with a 20 month old and a 5 year old. If I wanted another, I would have had to have one pretty soon after DD2 and that would have meant a squeeze financially.
2. My pregnancies - While they weren't necessarily too bad for me, they would not be classed as straightforward in the medical sense. Coupled with the horrific nausea/all day sickness I suffered, another may just have been too much to bear nausea wise!
3. Money - we planned the girls the way we did for nursery reasons. I had to pay two lots of nursery fees for 5 months and it was a killer!
4. My husband's sanity - he was very anxious throughout all pregnancies and after the mc I think that was his limit. He had the snip when dd2 was 10 months old.
5. To move on - we have two beautiful girls who have been great eaters, sleepers and just generally great kids. He now wants to move onto the next part of our lives and watch them grow up and do everything we want to do with them - another one would halt everything for another few years.

All of that still doesn't stop me wanting another - even though I know we can't and I even secretly hoped that the snip didn't work ha ha!!

health & money are two excellent reasons i think.

I have two. had severe PND after number 1, hence 6 year gap between babies. much more positive experience second time, didn;t want to push my luck. have two lovely healthy children and i am well, so feel settled with that.

suppose it's made easier by the fact neither me nor DH want a 3rd child , we went through a brief period of thinking it might be nice, but the reality and the logistics meant actually, we're sticking with two and are happ ywith that

DS is 10.5 and DD is 4, and at school, so feel like the baby days are far far far behind me, i like that i can just say to teh DCs, 'let's go to XYZ ' and we can pretty much just get up and go

DH wokrs v v long hiurs and i feel two is the most i can manage, enjy and give attention to on my own

We stopped at 2. Initially, I had wanted a third, but DH definitely did not. Now, I really wouldn't want a third either.

I have 2 girls, three years apart in age. They are very close and utterly adore each other. I wouldn't want to bring a third child into that relationship. What if I had a boy? He would always be left out / the outsider on their cosy little relationship.

Furthermore, my youngest is now 3 and I cannot bear the thought of going back and doing the whole baby thing again. Sure, babies are cute and all that - but actually, I'm enjoying getting my life back again and I don't want to go back to sleepless nights, constant watching everything they do and so on...

Finally, I can manage work and two children very nicely. I think it would be very stressful trying to do that with three children. I think it would send me over the edge

A bedroom each.
1:1 radio of parent to child.
2 children squabble enough in the back of the car, I can't imagine 3.
Environmental reasons.
I'd feel it was asking too much of my parents to babysit more than 2.

But mainly, it just felt right.

Planet overpopulation. Two would replace you and your partner, three adds more strain to natural environment.