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Parenting

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Original poster

If you made a deliberate decision to stop at 2 children why was this?

98 replies

Concordia · 01/04/2009 22:21

Please tell me lots of positive reasons for just having two children as I really want no 3 and somehow i know it just isn't going to happen. I need to convince myself there are good reasons for stopping at two rather than rubbish ones (age, health, money etc).

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NorbertDentressangle · 02/04/2009 13:52

If I was being flippant I would say that we stopped at 2 as the number of DC you have should never out-mumber how many parents there are otherwise you've just lost as they can overpower you .

On a more realistic side its probably down to several factors:

-age (we didn't start having children until late 30s)
-size of house(we'd have to move)
-other practicalities (cars, holidays etc tend to be geared up towards 2 adults 2 children
-we've got used to sleeping again

lucykate · 02/04/2009 13:54

we stopped at 2 for a number of reasons, our age, basic practicalities like house and car size, finances, me wanting to get back to working in some way, but mainly because having number 2 didn't come easily, i had 2 m/c's and was quite ill after the second. don't want to go through it all again.

giveusabreak · 02/04/2009 13:56

#2 is a rubbish sleeper - we might get another one!
I am knackered and getting a wee bit too old (early 40s)
Our house is too small
I think I might need to do some substantive work outside the home before my brain fries completely
Risks of disabilities do increase dramatically

Oh and my marriage is rocky so bar an immaculate conception it wouldn't happen and would probably put the final nail in the coffin of our relationship.

Plus, I don't actually think I want any more.

Go with your heart

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CharleeInSpring · 02/04/2009 13:58

Another one with a lot of reasons here, at the younger age of 22 we have decided no more.

I had really hard pregnancys, nearly died during the first i shouldn't have had DS2 but i did anyway.

DS1 has Cystic Fibrosis any further children would have a 1 in 4 chance of getting it and im not willing to gamble with any future baby health.

SPace, we only have a 2 bed flat and i hate moving especially since were settled.

DS2 is a real handfull can't imagine how long it would take me to crack if i had another like him.

I am getting my life back again as planned.

giveusabreak · 02/04/2009 13:58

Ooops missed the bit about positive reasons! Mine are negative but that doesn't make them less valid. Two kids will get more attention than 3 but then being one of three kids could be great fun - depends on the age range, personalities........ so many things in the mix.

singingmum · 02/04/2009 13:58

My dp had snip after no2(he told me while I was in 4th day of labour that that was it and he was gonna get it sortedi love him)
We had a few reasons for this
no1)we have a boy and a girl pretty nice really
no2)We have only a small income so financially it is better as they can have more
no3) we HE so already I'm working with 2 at 6yrs apart thats enough of a diff that I'm relearning GCSE while also doing ks2
no4)most importantly we realised that by stopping at 2 we could really get to know our dc's and have plenty of quality time with them both.

MrsMattie · 02/04/2009 14:00

Oh yes, age is another factor, not mine but DH's, He is 44 and feels he is already 'an old dad' and doesn't want to be in his 50s with small children.

Pinktastic · 02/04/2009 14:00

Somebody once said to me -

1 child is still about you
2 children is about you and them
3 children is all about them

LeninGrad · 02/04/2009 14:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TigOeufFeet · 02/04/2009 14:02

I'm expecting dc2 in September and will be stopping there.

The reasons are all practical:

Four will fit in our house just fine, if a bit squished, 5 will not.

Ditto re car

We can afford to provide reasonably well for two, babies are cheap but teenagers are not, we can probably afford two sets of school trips, days out for four etc but another one would be pushing it.

DH has only ever wanted two and I have always known that

DH is 40, I am 35. I wouldn't want to be having children much later than this as I don't want to be parenting teenagers in my late 50's and 60's. Also, we can't afford nursery fees for more than one child at a time so we'd have to wait for this one to start school before we could afford another (when I am 40, DH 45)

I am finding this pregnancy hard and I probably won't want to do it ever ever ever again

All things being equal I'd probably have more, or would have had more before now, but all the reasons above have stopped me.

Meglet · 02/04/2009 14:02

I'm sticking at ds and dd. For reasons of sanity, vanity, not enough money and not wanting to push my luck with more cs's.

ThePellyandMe · 02/04/2009 14:03

Our decision to stop at 2 was initially mine as DS2 was such a nightmare baby, there was no way I was prepared to do it again.

Then some health problems meant I had to have a hysterectomy. I must admit there have been times since when I have felt broody but they don't last long

It's such a joy having time to myself now that are both at school. Having worked every weekend when they were pre-school age it's wonderful to have a more normal existence working in the week and having weekends as a family.

They share a bedroom (their choice) which is great as it means we have a spare room.

Lastly but most importantly they are the best of friends and I really think that a 3rd would have upset the equilibrium.

I'm 1 of 3 and I'm not close to either of my siblings.

themildmanneredjanitor · 02/04/2009 14:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

georgimama · 02/04/2009 14:05

Family tickets for amusements parks and holidays are based on 2 parents and 2 children.

That's actually a crap reason.

Age, health and money are perfectly good reasons.

If we ever manage to conceive number 2 we are stopping there. Unless it's twins of course....

I was one of three though and never felt that I missed out on anything. I would love a large family but we can't afford it - well, we can't afford it and to have the lifestyle we want. And I think that's a good enough reason.

RoseOfTheOrient · 02/04/2009 14:10

I always thought I would have 3, but ended up living on the other side of the world, so an extra child would mean an extra few thousand pounds in airfares to go and see the grandparents....Dh's age was also a factor - he didn't want anymore after the age of 45, for the same reasons as MrMattie. (he was 43 when DS was born, and with 2 under 2, I wasn't keen to squeeze another out so soon!)
We live in a smallish flat too, so that was a factor...so ours were all rubbish reasons - age, money....
and then, the older they got, the easier things became, and I went back to work, and the thought of another baby started to drift into the realms of nightmare....

georgimama · 02/04/2009 14:16

Work is also a big factor for me.

I went back to work full time when DS was 9 months old and it was really hard - he was a very poor sleeper and is only now starting to sleep through, or nearly through, the night with any regularity.

Once more I can cope with. Twice more (and being another four or five years older) would kill me.

But in fact, DS is getting so much easier that if conceiving a second baby takes too much longer to conceive - more than another year, say - I don't know if we will bother. We want another baby, but I don't want a massive age gap, and life might just take over.

Pwsimerimew · 02/04/2009 14:22

Might make myself unpopular here but I do beleive in the middle child syndrome, and its put me off having three. Besides, i haven't the energy. Husband down on waiting list for the snip, yipee!!!

Pwsimerimew · 02/04/2009 14:23

believe. sorry

systemsaddict · 02/04/2009 14:24

I'm not putting my family through another pregnancy; it was worth it to give ds a sibling but I was immobilised by SPD and can't face that again. Plus am really looking forward to the end of the sleepless nights! But really underneath it all there is a very strong feeling that 2 is 'right' for our family, it's what we can cope with, they have each other, and one more would push us past breaking point. I get hormone rushes when I see newborns but can live with that!

mumof2222222222222222boys · 02/04/2009 14:27

So many good reasons here already and I agree with many. We have 2 and there is a bit of me that would love no 3...but it is unlikely to happen.

We just had a brilliant skiing holiday (not quite pre - kids, but fantastic fun, with both boys enjoying themselves), and another baby would mean going back to square 1. It is totally flippant, selfish etc, but that holiday was the best contraceptive I could have had!

Lizzylou · 02/04/2009 14:30

Personally I only ever wanted 2 DC, have 2 boys, the youngest is 3 and I am very broody BUT we are not going for a 3rd because:

I hate being pg, get very down
Can barely cope with the 2 we've got
Feel like I have just got my life back, workwise and we are enjoying having older DC and being more flexible
Financial reasons (new car/baby stuff etc)
DS2 was 10lb 11oz, I couldn't do that again!

I know people with 3 DC though and they are very happy, do look at em in awe though!

brokenrecord · 02/04/2009 14:40

Because there are other things I want to do.

betterthanlife · 02/04/2009 14:58

Have one DD and another DC due in October. Not planning anymore if everything goes smoothly this time...

I wasn't sure whether to stop at 2 but am getting more and more convinced:

DH only wants 2
I don't want to go through IVF/FET again
I've found this pregnancy very difficult
DH's health isn't great so don't want to be a widow wrestling with 3 teenagers
I feel like I can make the most of this one knowing it is the last time to go through it all

LeninGrad · 02/04/2009 17:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cory · 02/04/2009 17:30

Mainly poor health: I knew having another baby after dd was pushing it, and when that went ok, it didn't seem fair to my first two to take the risk of losing their mum. Dh only wanted two anyway. And I felt ready to go back to work.

Wasn't swayed by the two hands argument as my mum was fine bringing up four, she had us well trained and there was plenty of love to go round.

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