If you made a deliberate decision to stop at 2 children why was this?

[Concordia]

Please tell me lots of positive reasons for just having two children as I really want no 3 and somehow i know it just isn't going to happen. I need to convince myself there are good reasons for stopping at two rather than rubbish ones (age, health, money etc).

i origionally wanted 4

then i had one and had horrific PND

had second child almost 6 years later

had a few phases of wanting another but practicalities, such as finances, me wanting to go back to uni, DH working looooong hours and me having to consider what i can do on my own with teh children, affording holidays etc.. it felt like two was right and manageable and we felt a third would be pushing our luck, especially after i had a much better time with DD than DS
thre is so much i want to achieve, it has takne years for me to find something that i love ( doulaing/birth related stuff) that having another baby myself would hold me back from doing more and fulfilling my goals.

We wanted 3. but 1st birth nearly killed me and baby and left him with erbs palsy, so then I didn't want ANY more! But got pregnant 6 months later on pill! So nothing to do but have 2 then considered 3 but first 2 were diagnosed with autism and we felt there was no way we'd cope with 3 - esp if 3rd also had autism, although we were equally concerned about how to cope if it DIDN'T and we decided best to throw all energy into existing 2.

Sometimes I think about our 'missing' third child, but you play the hand you're dealt.

We have two boys. They are lovely but I wouldn't want three boys . Also they are close in age and have a close relationship; another child would have a much bigger age gap and wouldn't be able to be as close to them. Lastly, I don't think I'd cope with three!

The country is already overcrowded--population going up every year. The planet is also too crowded. Why bring another western child to life to burn up more fossil fuel?

Dh is an only child and I am one of 2. I had a very happy childhood so to me, the perfect family, is 2 children. I was extremely broody for a year after my youngest was born and was sure I would have another but that feeling disappeared after she began to be more annoying active!

Abraid thats my reasoning too. Actually I would really like a third and we can afford it and have lots of room but would feel too guilty from an environmental perspective. Often wonder how those on the larger family threads rationalise their decision to have loads of kids.

We have no more bedrooms left in our house, no more room left in our car, and I want to resume my career at some point soon.

Also, it is not environmentally friendly to have any kids, but stopping at two keeps the impact on the planet manageable.

And I couldn't face the whole tiny baby phase again!

i kind of feel i will always have a 'missing third child' but it's encouraging to know that the broodiness i feel now (DC2 is 6 months) may disappear after a year when she starts to grow up if others experiences are anything to go by.
DH is 46 this year, so it really wouldn't be fair to talk him around into no 3 as i know he doesn't want teenagers around when he's retired (fair enough)
My health was so bad last time that even though they say i am ok to have another, i still don't reckon me being sat in hospital bedridden for ages in pregnancy is going to be great for DCS and DH (last time DC1 thought i LIVED in the hospital).
DH is really keen on the 'get your life back' scenario, but i just love all the baby / toddler stuff, i really don't feel i have lost anything - just gained something better IYSWIM.
Better start selling all the baby / pregnancy stuff soon then....
I just know deep down a third would be pushing our luck too on so many fronts but it doesn't stop me wanting to go 'IT'S NOT FAIR' but i guess i am probably being a bit of a spoilt cow and should be bloody grateful for the two lovely ones i've got.

It does feel though that all the reasons are a bit negative - we don't have enough - money, time, finances, health, space in the house etc etc, rather than it being a positive decision to stick at two.

We had this conversation with a young couple who just had their second today. They said they wanted to stop at 2 so they could get on with their careers.

We told them our reason was that it was just too tiring with DS1 and DS2 and at the age of 40 we figured we were just too exhausted to bring up another child.

We also said we felt a middle child always suffers slightly when the new baby comes along whereas we felt DS1 and DS2 were good friends and equals now and they had a good relationship even though 2 years apart and we did not want to spoil that.

If it happened by mistake I am sure we would cope but not planning to go for a third.

brokenrecord as someone who has felt broody ever since dd2, I could never switch it off - but yours is such an excellent excuse. I shall dwell on it no longer!!

*Hate being pregnant. Had pre-eclampsia in both pregnancies and pelvic girdle somethingorother and could barely walk from 30 weeks. My body feels too old to go through it again and still hasn't recovered from having ds2 (now 13mo).
*Not a huge fan of babies (bit dull and I hate the crying).
*Couldn't face doing the disrupted sleep and night feed thing again.
*Lots of things I want to do for me.
*Financial - all things being equal we could manage school fees comfortably for 2, but 3 would require sacrifices in other areas.
*Don't want to drive bigger cars.
*Want to do lots of travel when dcs are older.

I can only just cope with the 2 I've got (and then only on good days), so for the sake of my sanity I must stop.

I had DC #2 a year ago. We only ever planned for two but I was surprised to feel quite soon after DD arrived that I would quite like another. I think because she was so much easier and I was so much more confident second time around. Also I think because I knew we weren't planning any more, and she was my 'last', it made me want another one more. I do feel sad that I won't be having another baby, but now I'm back at work and life is busy, busy, busy that feeling of wanting another is fading. I want to be able to give the two we have as much attention as we can, and at times even that is a struggle as we don't have family nearby. Also we are in our mid/late 30s and I don't want to be an 'old' mum! Both of my pregnancies were difficult and I just don't think I could cope with being pregnant again with two children to look after.

So, probably not the 'positive' reasons the OP is looking for but I do think it is very common for you to think about another child when deep down you know your family is complete. I see it as a mourning for a period of your life that has passed.

By Pinktastic:

'Somebody once said to me -

1 child is still about you
2 children is about you and them
3 children is all about them'

Yes, I think that just about sums it up

Because it's not advised to fall pregnant whilst on the medication that helps you get over the insanity caused by the first two and also

Thinking some more, my reasons are:

Pregnancy
Birth
Weight gain
MPVs (shudder)
Exhaustion
Stress levels
NO peace, EVER
Money
My relationship with dh - we are just starting to talk to each other again.
I like having two spare rooms! (One is an office)
I don't really like the 0-2 years - am not patient enough. I do find babies and talk of babies incredibly tedious. Toddler groups do my head in. Emotive baby handling debates I find REALLY uninteresting.
I have enough energy for two, but nowhere near enough for three.

Because frozen pies come in boxes of four !

My reasons

Hate, hate, hate being pregnant
Not keen on the baby stage
No family help at all
DH works stupid hours (chef, so a 60+hr week minimum)
Looking forward to doing something that is about me.
I want to retrain and can't afford to do that with nursery fees.

However, if someone gave me a 3 yr old I would be quite delighted. Anybody?

My DH was one of three and felt very strongly that he would not have 3 because one child gets left out. We now have two gorgeous DDs, who are the best of friends and I would be concerned what would happen if we had a third? Especially if it was a boy? Would he always be left out by the girls? I can name at least three other cases that I know where there are three siblings (two of one sex, third child the opposite sex) where the two children of the same sex are very close and the third child of the opposite sex is just left out - with one case, even the sisters living together, going on holiday together etc with the brother just left out. Having two very close girls I didn't want to upset the applecart as it were.

Also, we often have mummy and daughter time and Daddy and daughter time (so I take DD1 for the day, and DH takes DD2) and we do something special with just that child, next time we swap children - this is really special, but how would you do that with three?

Then there's the practical stuff - financial, where would they sleep - given that my two share a room (out of choice), one would have to have a seperate room (again, get left out??), how would I work with 3 and so on?? So its 2 for us!

Hi all !

I'm from one of 3, the middle one between 2 boys...and it was really tought..I often felt left out plus we didnt have much money etc..and my dad was never the paternal kind, he was crazy about my mum (an still is) but had no patience or time for us. Now I have 2 dds, my 2 very special dds ! When DD2 was born, I started already to think what would she feel if she was the middle one ? I couldnt bear the idea of the idea of her being left out because of us not coping with 3 children..and financially it would have been so hard, I dont want my dds to be deprived..so only 2 for me but we all have differents reasons !

I was broody when dd2 was a few months old but now my two dds are 3 and 4, there is no way i would have another. All the reasons others have said on here, space, we have a 2 bed house and couldn't ever afford a bigger one, money etc. Also I love my job and had awful morning sickness and was just unbelieveably tired until they were about 2 and 3. Also I am 36 and i think it would be harder. My DH comes from Africa and would have loved us to have had more ie about 10 but HE doesn't have to HAVE them does he?

Dp already has a dd so that makes 3 for him so he definitely doesn't want anymore, plus he is 10 yrs older than me and doesn't want to be a really old parent. For me, 2 is enough because I am lucky enough to have a boy and a girl, I don't fancy being pregnant again, suffer really badly with heartburn and do not want to face the agony of breastfeeding at the start which i suffered with both. Also we both would like to do things with our lives as the dcs get older.

2 parents and 2 children is just so balanced. It does help that we have one of each, but even if we had two the same it's still nice for one parent to have one child, and the other parent to have the other to take out or do stuff with. Obviously we swap dcs over!

But if we had three dh would be able to do something with one of them one to one, and I'd have two to deal with, rather than the other having one on one time too.

There's also the likelihood (from observation anyway) that with three one would always be the odd one out, middle-child syndrome or whatever.

And of course it's easier when it comes to after school clubs and activities and the inevitable taxi-ing to and fro that come when they're older.

We are going to be stopping at 2 because financially (sorry!) it will be easier all round. It means we get our lives back and we can start travelling again sooner. We don't fancy having to move house, get a bigger car etc.

I agree about the holidays thing. Most holiday deals are geared up for families of four - not five or six or seven, but four.

We also want to give both boys everything we can, to give them the best start in life. If I carried on having more children, we'd never get out the bit!

Also there's the cost of food. And the fact that the Tories want to cut CB and other money that people rely on....the list is endless really for stopping at two!

We each came from a family of two, so the size felt natural. Also, I've been pregnant four times now, had lots of heartache along the way, and am more grateful than I can say for the two beautiful healthy children I have. I'm quitting while I'm ahead!

We stopped at two for two simple reasons - I hate being pregnant and I've had PND twice. I seriously don't think my mental health would cope with a third!

I would however LOVE to have a third if my husband did the whole pregnancy/morning sickness/ruined body/stay at home for a year/go slowly insane through lack of adult conversation other than babies thing. He even said if there was a way then he would do it!