My 4yr old has started to get very angry if he cant do something - how do I handle this?

[mullercorner]

Not sure if its rushes of testosterone (not sure if spelt correct!) but last couple of weeks if he cant do something he gets very angry. Like this morning he was drawing himself and couldnt get the face right so he screwed up the paper and threw it on the floor he was very angry.

Last night he was very tired and had a real screaming and shouting fit because he couldnt get his own way. She shouted as loud as his voice could.

I need advice on how to handle this from parents who are going through or have sorted this please!!!

No advice but we are going through the same thing with Ds3. It is quite a recent behaviour so not yet been dealt with properly. I have linked it with being more tired than usual ,harder school work + more physical exercise as the weather gets better and they play out more at school and at home.

we had a crisis yesterday where he was really screaming the house down for about 15 minutes. When he eventually calmed down (on his own , I did not want to react to much or tell him off and make things worse) he just came to me, gave me a kiss and said he was sorry for having behaved that way! Now THAT I was not expecting after such a burst up!

Well, normally I let them get on with it. It's probably not the best thing, other will come along with their fab techniques and show me up for an idle mother but I quite often let them carry on and go and do something else.

I used to tickle them, or wibble their lips when they were younger [evil]

If they meltdown over the wii, I turn it off and say "It's supposed to be fun, if you're not having fun, there's no point doing it."

Sometimes I copy them
Sometimes I say, "you're not doing it right, lay on the floor...now kick your legs...now scream IT'S NOT FAAAAAAAAAIR" double

Mainly, I find the thing to try to do is stay calm and ride it out.

If they're having trouble with something, I'll say "If you want help, I'll help you, but not while you're acting like that" then if they calm down, I'll help. If they want to carry on banging themselves about, fair enough.

Sometimes I get pissed off and I say "Oh for god's sake, if you're going to carry on like that, just go and do it in your bedroom."

Stuff like that, really.

Hecate, I think you are right to let himk get on with it. All your other things have been tested here as well and DID work on occasions.

I also did go for "You are so loud that I cannot actually hear you" which worked well with DD1 but not with her brothers somehow ?!

I also start singing sometimes. It's amazing what suddenly bursting into "The Sun Has Got His Hat On" can do. - if nothing else, singing and shimmying round the living room cheers you up

I also find turning on the tv and switching the news on can be helpful in clearing the room of small children. "Oh news is BOOOOORING" job done.

ummm I marched him in his room and held the door to and told him to calm down. After going L for leather for another 5 mins he did calm down but was so so upset.

He was tired and I think youre right about playing more outside as he was at preschool y.day and they spent most of the day outdoors.

I hate to see him liek that but want to put some kind of mechanism in place to divert this kind of behaviour...again not sure if its a "boy thing"?

I want to understand also WHY he's got so angry all of a sudden - he's 4.

nah, it's a small child thing they all do it.

If you can spot the warning signs and distract, then obv that's best, but if it happens, it happens joys of parenthood.

a friand of mine told me sha had filmed her DD having a tantrum (on her mobile) and that she (the dd) was mortified when she saw the way she had been behaving. I do not know if that "technique" works long term though.

probably on older children. 4 is a bit young to really see yourself, iyswim. I think. You're going to tell me her DD was 3, aren't you? I'll be impressed indeed if a small child feels mortified

She is 4

DS1 (4.5) had shouting fit last night because Daddy was reading stories to DS2 and not him. and he didn't want mummy. He shouted for about 15 mins and I went in a couple of times to see if he had calmed down and wanted me to read stories. NO NO NO I WANT DADDY was the response.

So later Daddy went in and said good night. But no stories. Took a while to calm him down, but I think it was the right decision. We then said goodnight and had a cuddle.

Pick your battles, but I think consistency is important, and also it is a bad idea to capitulate. As DH says, "We don't negotiate with terrorists!"

They're going for global domination. Honestly, am sure my son is. 'tis being four..