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Parenting

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Original poster

DD wants a birthday party - I don't. What should I do?

73 replies

QueenFee · 29/03/2009 21:04

DD is 4.5 and talks daily about her birthday party and what she is going to have. Every time she mentions it I say that she may not have one so not to take it for granted. Up till now I have managed to get away with not having a birthday party for masses of kids. I have had a family BBQ and had a mini party with 2 friends for her before but not a whole class thing. The problem is she is now talking about having a party with all of her friends.

I have a problems with this:
I am pregnant and due to have the baby 7 days before her birthday.
Also I feel even done as cheaply as possible this is going to be expensive. (I'm guessing £50 min?)
Help! I don't want to disapoint her and she does go to others parties although I don't feel this means she should have one herself.
What would you do?

OP posts:

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Earlybird · 29/03/2009 21:07

Can someone else in the family - dh/dp or other relative organise a party for your dd? Understand you may not feel up to it, given your due date.

BananaFruitBat · 29/03/2009 21:08

I'd have the party. Seriously.

Hattie05 · 29/03/2009 21:10

Tell her she can invite 5 friends round and do traditional party games (enlist a friend to help you).

Tell her its far nicer than noisy parties in big halls.

I do this every year for my dd whose now 6. She always tells me they are the best parties she has been to. Nearly every party her friends ever have is in a massive whole with 30+ children and loud music. My dd appreciates the intimate parties she has at home.

I'm sure you could talk yours into it!

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ellingwoman · 29/03/2009 21:12

Just have a catered one at a soft play area. Sod the cost. Dh/dp can look after things. You can sit there nursing the baby while your dd has a great time. I was 9 months pregnant for dd1's 6th party and dd2's 3rd party and I just sat there like queen bee while dp did everything. No biggy although I can understand how it feels like it is!

cat64 · 29/03/2009 21:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

QueenFee · 29/03/2009 21:22

I can't afford more than £50 TBH. She would have to have this as her birthday present which I think she would be fine with. She would still get presents off family.
I would love to have just a few of them but she is not yet at the stage where she has any particular friends and talks about all of her class at some time or other. I am glad she is sociable and playing with others but I wouldn't feel at the moment she would be able to choose IYSWIM.

OP posts:

fishie · 29/03/2009 21:24

i'd have the party.

she's never going to have another birthday on her own again if your other child is due the same week (do you only have sex one day a year ?)

Original poster

QueenFee · 29/03/2009 21:28

She would be sharing it anyway as DS is 3 weeks later poor deprived child!
Yes sex once a year me (crosses legs)

OP posts:

Earlybird · 29/03/2009 21:28

As a way of limiting numbers and reciprocating, maybe invite only the children who have hosted your dd at their parties?

NorktasticNinja · 29/03/2009 21:31

I'd have the party. Although I can see why you'd rather not, I'd be worried that she'd associate the lack of the dreamed-for party with her new sibling.

A small party at home (with lots of help from friends and family) does sound like the only option though. Six months is a long time, maybe she'll be able to choose 5 or 6 friends by then.

treedelivery · 29/03/2009 21:31

I'd have the party somehow. It sends an important messagae to her at a time when a new baby is coming and her place in the family will change, and in a way she may not like.

Head for a soft play area so it's easy as possible for you, or maybe your family could step up and pitch in?

Hulababy · 29/03/2009 21:33

Is her birthday in the summer/ If so - could be outside.

You can normally hire a church hall or the like for about £25 for a couple of hours.

Get loads of balloons, some colouring.craft stuff for a table, some foam balls, some big bubble wrap and a pass the parcel or too.

Hold it around 2pm for an hour or hour and half. Then you get away with not having to have food proper - just serve some juice and buns

And is there a friend or DH who would run it for you?

Hulababy · 29/03/2009 21:33

Also - you could have the party a couple of weeks before or after her birthday. DD rarely has her party the same weekend as her birthday as it generally doesn''t fit in well.

saggyhairyarse · 29/03/2009 21:38

I am a big fan of birthday parties but never whole class ones as I can't host that many at home and I can#t afford that many out either. It's either 8 at home (inc birthday child) or 15 or so out. It has always cost more than £50 thouugh!

treedelivery · 29/03/2009 21:39

Second the church hall, draw the curtains an stick some music on an it's a disco. Get someone to lead them doing the conga and give lollies for sleeping logs etc
Huge bowls of cheap crisps and biscuits will cost you a few pounds only. Get a litre of juice for 50p and add water to make 3 lites of squash.

And Asda do super super cheap streamers balloons etc.

It can be done!! Can totally see why you can't face it heavily pregnany though.

saggyhairyarse · 29/03/2009 21:41

I would have the party a month before so baby unlikely to arrive.

If at home do it something like 2-4 so not a meal time and maybe just do hot dogs and cake? Party games: pass the parcel/beans/pinata

Have fun!

traceybath · 29/03/2009 21:41

Well i'm due number 3 2 weeks before ds1's 5th birthday party and i've already told him he won't be having a party this year.

However in mitigation he's had big parties for the last 2 years and will have one next year but i just can't face a party and newborn especially as ds2 was poorly as a baby and i have at the back of my mind that could happen this time too.

Its up to you but i don't think you'd be unreasonable to postpone it this year.

Original poster

QueenFee · 29/03/2009 21:48

Shes has never had a big party before so it's not like anything is changing.
I am glad I started this thread as it has made me think of couple of things that hadn't crossed my mind.
Will not be having it at home unless the parents stay - do they normally for home parties? DD has never been to a home party they are always out somewhere. Last year the 3 of them made so much mess in the playhouse it took me hours to clean up!
My parents won't be able to help as live far away and already coming to help out after baby is born as for in laws well not likely
hmmm...

OP posts:

Snooch · 29/03/2009 21:49

Ive got the same problem being pregnant - it's my DS's birthday this Saturday and I am now 2 days overdue....luckily I've only organised a small tea with three friends and some family and I did warn them that I may have to cancel if the baby's late - am thinking that this baby may even arrive on DS's birthday! To be honest, I wouldn't go ahead with arranging a big party, unless you're lucky enough to have someone who will oversee the whole thing on the day on the offchance that you may be in the middle of giving birth!!!

Hulababy · 29/03/2009 21:50

Organise it after her birthday - so 2-4 weeks later maybe, depending on your due date.

Or before if you can face it when heavily pg.

treedelivery · 29/03/2009 21:53

You could ask the parents to stay on the invite - just say you hope they understand but as you might go into laboour/need to attend the newborn it would be great if they could stay for the hour and half.

We had a party at home for 20. Clearly bonkers. Most stayed, the only ones that didn't were the parents of the kids wo were scared and didn't want to join in. Bloody nightmare.

Any aunties or friendly mums who could help out. If I live near you I'll come and play with them. I have full police record checks

seeker · 29/03/2009 22:05

Why can't your dp do the party?

I honestly think you ought to do it - sorry. I would worry that dd would associate her new sibling with her not being able to have her party.

Not what you want to hear, I know.........!

Original poster

QueenFee · 29/03/2009 23:54

Have just thought I might have it at home and spend the money I would have spent on a hall on an entertainer to keep them out of mischief. Less planning as all I have to do then is food.
Do you think this might work [hmmm]
Its july so might even have the bonus of keeping it in the garden...

OP posts:

Twistle · 30/03/2009 00:38

Entertainers cost a lot more than a village/church hall. Wouldn't bother myself.
We went to a lovely party recently with 12 kids at home. Minimal food (they never eat much) - sarnies, crisps, veg sticks, fruit, water (yup!). Start them off decorating paper bags to be their party bags. Then a game (they had balloons with bits of paper in with challenges/forfeits... had to burst balloon and do activity). Then craft (they made candles from a kit), then game, then food, then game.
In July, they'd be happy just to be in garden with a paddling pool if hot. And keep it short - say 1.5 hours.

It's easier if most parents don't stay, as often they just stand around looking for cups of tea... but you do want a couple of useful adults!

mrsblanc · 30/03/2009 01:00

DONT DO IT!
She is 5!!!
I cannot believe you are even considering being guilt tripped into hosting any sort of do you dont want to have.
YOU are in charge here.

The fact you are due a baby makes it all the more ridiculous that you would even consider any kind of big bash.

I loathe kids parties.
I have 3 kids of primary school age and have told them from the start we wont have big parties. they get to choose one or maybe 2 schoolfriends for special treat (cinema, McDonald's, swimming, picnic, whatever). They would all love big parties in the village hall with children's entertainers but it aint going to happen.

You are doing her a big favour by teaching her young that life is about compromise

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