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Original poster

DD wants a birthday party - I don't. What should I do?

73 replies

QueenFee · 29/03/2009 21:04

DD is 4.5 and talks daily about her birthday party and what she is going to have. Every time she mentions it I say that she may not have one so not to take it for granted. Up till now I have managed to get away with not having a birthday party for masses of kids. I have had a family BBQ and had a mini party with 2 friends for her before but not a whole class thing. The problem is she is now talking about having a party with all of her friends.

I have a problems with this:
I am pregnant and due to have the baby 7 days before her birthday.
Also I feel even done as cheaply as possible this is going to be expensive. (I'm guessing £50 min?)
Help! I don't want to disapoint her and she does go to others parties although I don't feel this means she should have one herself.
What would you do?

OP posts:

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LadyGlencoraPalliser · 30/03/2009 01:03

Bah Humbug.
She is five. All she wants is a party with her friends. Why on earth shouldn't she have one?

mrsblanc · 30/03/2009 01:05

because her mum does not want one.

oh yes, and is massively pregnant.

That was never my excuse tho and you can bah humbug at me all you want , i am not having one of those bloody awful kids parties that are the norm. NOT EVEN IF I could afford it (I cant)

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 30/03/2009 01:09

I had DD1's fifth birthday party five days before DD3 was born. It was six of her friends at home with traditional party games. It was no big deal, but it made her happy.
Of course nobody things the OP should have a massive church hall type party but it sounds like she is happy to have a small party at home and why shouldn't she want to please her DD?

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treedelivery · 30/03/2009 01:12

I think to have nothing at all is Bah Humbug.

A few friends, up to 5 or 6, with a few balloons and a fiver of food, stick a cd on and play sleeping logs - thats a party when your 5 and its not too massive a job. Hour and half and jobs a good un.

Suppose it depends on definition of party.

tigerdriver · 30/03/2009 01:17

Can see both sides here.

She will obviously love to have some sort of do. You won't want to have the stress.

It's lovely that she is so gregarious, but can you narrow down the guests to about five or so? Eg family, anyone you've stayed in touch with from baby days, etc. Then rope in one of the mums who isn't massively pg to do the games etc. Or, even sticking five little girls in front of a DVD with popcorn and unlimited coca cola and party hats would be fun and wouldn't cost too much but they would love it.

mrsblanc · 30/03/2009 01:18

who is saying anything about not pleasing her daughter?

DD has unrealistic expectations and OP should not cave in to them.
There are lots of good suggestions here about how to mark the birthday without going down the route dd is angling for and OP is not up for.

July? 3 friends in the garden wearing swimsuits with the hosepipe and a paddling pool followed by chip shop chips and a ton of sweets

tigerdriver · 30/03/2009 01:28

Mrs Blanc, are you me?

ninedragons · 30/03/2009 01:29

Have the party. Just a 90-minute picnic in the park or something. Sandwiches, squash, pass-the-parcel and a pinata with other adult help and someone on standby if you go into labour will not cost you loads of money.

In your situation, I would consider myself lucky to have such a timely opportunity to make her feel special and the centre of attention before the new baby arrives and everyone turns up to cluck at the newborn and shower it with presents.

ShyTalk · 30/03/2009 01:45

It sounds as though cost is an issue? I have been there. However, it sounds like she really wants this party. Having a party at home is the most economical option. Can family/friends help with organising/cooking/supervising/cleaning up afterwards? Asking (helpful, tea-making) Mums/Dads to stay is another option as they are quite young? Make a pinata filled with goodies (balloon covered with papier mache and decorated, then pop the balloon and remove it- kids can make this) - the kids will have great fun knocking the crap out of the pinata - a great finale, and dead cheap). Go for it, as long as there is another responsible adult in case you go into labour!

Phoenix4725 · 30/03/2009 03:38

with a hall orin agrden what aout ooking small bouncy castle there not much and asda does pinatas now to

mrsblanc · 30/03/2009 10:10

tigerdriver

Jux · 30/03/2009 10:38

I would have it at home and decide how many you can cope with - 10? perhaps, that would feel like a big party to a 4yo I think. Then get advice from her class teacher about which ones to invite.

Get your family and friends to help.

Seriously though, if you don't have a party for her she will remember it for a long time, and if you use the reason that you have a new baby you are possibly setting up a cause of resentment against it with her.

Or, could you have a big party for her in a few months' time and just something small now?

lowrib · 30/03/2009 10:56

What unfortunate timing!

She's 5, she's old enough to understand she's not getting something which everyone else she knows does her, and she's old enough to remember this, and the feeling of disappointment into adulthood.

Agree with Jux "if you use the reason that you have a new baby you are possibly setting up a cause of resentment against it with her"

There are plenty of ways to make a small party at home fun.

However, you shouldn't be expected to organise and host this around the time your baby is due! You could even be in the hospital at the time! This is a job for other adults to help you with, it should the other adults who make a (very small!) sacrifice, not your DD. Would your DP realistically be up to the job, and what about friends? It's certainly more than reasonable to ask for help with this one.

girlywhirly · 30/03/2009 12:47

As it's during the summer holiday, some children might be away, naturally limiting the numbers. I invited DS' class of 27 to a play centre party in August, and we ended up with only 13 including DS!

Ohforfoxsake · 30/03/2009 12:55

Don't have the parents staying - it makes it much harder work. They will stand around chatting and you will have to sort them out too.

Have the party at home, bake a cake (freeze the sponge so you only have to decorate it the day before). Musical bumps/statues/pass the parcel. Pound shop prizes.

Pound shop gift instead of party-bag.

Have two or three good friends of yours to help.

Food boxes are great. You can fill them beforehand, sandwich, small bunch of grapes, chocolate mini roll, sausage roll, crisps. Hand them out, no plates, they can picnic on the floor.

About 10 children will do it. Blow up loads of balloons, that will keep them happy for ages. Dancing and music. You don't need to spend anymore than £50, but I would do it a fortnight before you are due.

trixymalixy · 30/03/2009 12:57

Might she end up resenting the new baby if that's the reason given for no party?

Original poster

QueenFee · 30/03/2009 13:42

As I said in my original post she has always had something to celebrate her birthday it's just this year she wants to invite the whole class (which appears to be 'the norm' around here. Cost is an issue yes.
If I was to plan a graden party which would suit me just fine I would worry that it would rain and have to have (stressfull) last minute change of plans.
I would never say it is because of the baby and TBH she is so excited about the baby if it was born on her birthday I think she would think that was the best present ever!
I just worry that if I have it at home even 5 kids can seem like a lot here and would it make it a lot more work?
I don't really have anyone else I can ask to help. DP is more than willing to do his bit but is not that experienced with 4/5 year olds and may stress out when its at home.
I would probable hold it after the baby is born anyway. DS was early and DD late so could go either way!

OP posts:

FimbleHobbs · 30/03/2009 13:57

Do have a party but don't have it at home. I would hire a cheap hall - or do you have any family/friends nearby with larger houses?

Rope in friends and family to help. Someone who can take responsibility on the day so it doesn't matter if you and DP aren't there.

To cut down the costs, you've got a few months to go, maybe join freecycle and look out for party stuff/craft stuff/anything that could suffice as a party bag/going home pressie. (You don't need 30 identical things if you do a 'Going Home Lucky Dip'). Follow the food tips suggested and it should be possible to do it v cheaply but still have fun.

iSOLOvechocolate · 30/03/2009 14:07

Why don't you arrange a Party in the Park? Get help to make up a picnic and invite family, friends and their parents.
My Ds's birthday falls in the Summer hols, so he's never had a 'real' party, but I have done this a couple of times and he loved it. It doesn't need to be expensive either. Then they can play ball, skipping, swing parks etc afterwards and that way there is no entertainment costs.

lljkk · 30/03/2009 14:14

I vote for a small party at home, traditional party games (lots of ideas on MN), a month before her actual birthday. She deserves a big fuss made of her and her alone, before the baby comes.

Kids this age just love parties. My DC get invited to so few parties, that having their own parties and getting invited to siblings' parties makes up most of their party experiences. I guess that we are lucky we can afford that, of course.

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 30/03/2009 14:19

Can you find out how much it would cost to hire a church hall near you? Our village hall is £4.50 per hour.

If you can find somewhere that cheap you could hire it for a couple of hours. Have a stereo with some party songs, loads of balloons. Crisps, biscuits a few sandwhichs. Play musical bumps, statues, pass the parcel, sleeping lions, etc. They will have a great time.

lowrib · 30/03/2009 16:46

Sorry I think I misunderstood first time round ... OK, let me make sure I've got it properly this time.
Are you saying that the problems are

whether to invite the whole class or whether to have a smaller party

how to do it without spending too much

Is there really no one else who can help? If not, then even considering a party with the whole class (all high on sugar!), at your house, on your own, while heavily pregnant or with a new baby seems like madness to me!

How many kids are we talking? 30?! (Or do you mean just the girls maybe).

If you do decide to have a whole class party, then you do need to find a way to do it somewhere where the burden of childcare isn't all on you, but I reckon this is likely to be costly?

Personally I'd go for a smaller group at home, but try to make it really special and fun. IMO no birthday party at all is mean, but saying no to 30 kids is simply setting sensible limits!

Is there really no one who can lend a hand? One of the other mums maybe? I wouldn't mind being asked by one of the other mums even if I didn't know her very well, in these circumstances. You don't have a child everyday! (Thankfully!)

piscesmoon · 30/03/2009 17:13

I would have a small traditional party at home. I wouldn't have a whole class do, even if fit and able.

stephla · 30/03/2009 18:34

Is there another girl with a birthday near hers? A joint party (probably at a ball park) might be the answer. Your daughter will probably know someone .

If you do go for a ball parks, it pays to shop around. The really posh one near here charges an eyewatering £15 per child, the council run one (which the kids prefer anyway) costs £8 per child (or £6 if you do your own food).

peasandbeans · 30/03/2009 18:49

So far I have told dd1 that she can have as many friends round as she is old ie 3 friends for her third birthday. That's about as many as she and I can cope with. This year she was four but I let her friends' siblings aswell, and their mummies! that made 10 children (aged 1-7) plus 3 babies. One of the babies was my two month old dc3.

I explained to everyone at the start that the only thing I was organising was the birthday cake.

I think everyone had a good time, even me!

The bigger children organised ad hoc games for the littler ones, and the mummies mostly drank tea in the kitchen.

I don't think little children always have really big expectations: my dd was really chuffed just because her cake had four candles on it and her name written in wobbly icing.

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