DD wants a birthday party - I don't. What should I do?

[QueenFee]

DD is 4.5 and talks daily about her birthday party and what she is going to have. Every time she mentions it I say that she may not have one so not to take it for granted. Up till now I have managed to get away with not having a birthday party for masses of kids. I have had a family BBQ and had a mini party with 2 friends for her before but not a whole class thing. The problem is she is now talking about having a party with all of her friends.

I have a problems with this:
I am pregnant and due to have the baby 7 days before her birthday.
Also I feel even done as cheaply as possible this is going to be expensive. (I'm guessing £50 min?)
Help! I don't want to disapoint her and she does go to others parties although I don't feel this means she should have one herself.
What would you do?

I think that sounds a great way to do it peasandbeans. I can't think that any DC wants a huge party with everyone, merely because they are in the same class. When I started school I was very shy and had one friend-I would have hated a huge party.

I can recall DS's 4th birthday whereby we had decided we couldn't afford to spend much money. Other children at his nursery had had birthday parties and invited him but I had decided to wait until he was in school and he would be making friends which he would be keeping for a few years (his nursery was by my work, not where we live). On the morning of his birthday which he had so been looking forward to he opened his presents then sat there. It was raining so he couldn't play with his sandpit (main present!) in the garden. He said to me 'but where's the magician?' as everything he had seen about birthdays involved parties. He looked really dejected and I felt so guilty for not arranging more for him (we did have a family party later, but I just remember his sad little face.

On his 5th birthday we had a party for him at a play centre - 10 children out of the 20 in his class, we went through the list of children together to decide who to invite. Pricing up the different play centres, it cost us about £6 or £7 per child and was all organised for us. One happy child.

Definitely do the party! There are probably some children your DD will want to invite over others, and they probably won't all be able to come anyway.

I would see if you can hire a teenager to help out...not an entertainer, just someone to run musical statues, races, coloring competition, etc. Might not have to pay too much. And could maybe do make-overs with glittery little-girl nail varnish and lip gloss, that kind of thing.

Definitely 5 kids only. Wait until after school lets out for the summer and the whole class doesn't have to know!

Why not have a small at-home party a few weeks early to reduce the possibility of a new baby being present and the waiting that your dd has to do? If she's that desperate for a party, even a couple of months early probably won't matter to her, though be clear that guests know it's her birthday party.
I'd ask her what her favourite things are about parties and focus on the ones she chooses eg dancing, things to unwrap, games.

Ae you all mad?Or just MUCH nicer mummies them me??

OP is not into big parties AT ALL AT ANY POINT. I sympathise.

she is even less into them , being heavily pg.

But being pg is a secondary issue, if I read this correctly.

I absolutlely refuse to EVER have big parties (no more than 4 guests for some kind of special treat but preferably only two) for my kids untill they are old enough to organise it themselves.
In which case I will bugger of for the evening, overnight.

I have never needed the excuse of being pg to hold this intractable view. No need to ever mention the imminent baby as reason not to have a big class do.

You are the mummy, you get to make the rules.

and in case you think I am some kind of tight arse parent I am the one who has several kids ending up in my garden all evening as soon as there is a hint of sunshine.

with me delightedly cobbling together tea for ten or 12 kids eaten picnic style off a towel spread out in the back garden, with some tasty scran and lots of wine for the parents later...

possibly ending up in a sing song for all involved....

ON A SCHOOL NIGHT

So you'll have 10-12 children round for a picnic tea, except in weeks when one of your DCs has a birthday, when you'll only allow 2-4 children?

Hi to you all! This is my first posting, But i hope it helps. i must sy that i am always truthful in what i say. and there are bound to be differences of opinion, but i also respect other people and their views, because were all different and as they say variety is the spice of life.
Just been reading the above dilemma, and a mother always wants to do best by her child, so i imagine this is also upsetting as its only natural to want to make happy and deliver the goods else you feel you've let them down
As she is still young children don/t have as many priorities unlike us adults.so in her eyes this is the party of the year. her cinderella moment. After that the next big tick on the calendar is Santa and the magic of christmas. These events are milestones for kids and they have there own ideas of what it means to them.
As it's 3 nonths away and fingers crossed for a glorious sunny day. start your planning now is the best thing to do so when a problem arrises along the way you've the time to sort it. I've a few ideaz and hopefully they'll help you out and also give your little one a birth day to remember, so here goes and good luck!
1.As always in England the weather is never certain. but it.s unlikely to be freexing cold and kids are full of energy and don't take so much notice of it like us adults. So it.s a must to hold it in the garden. Do make it a grand occasion. Doyou have one of those cheap plastic gazebos? If not beg borrow or steal one to keep your budget low. Gives shelter and also the banquet can be eaten in there. house stays mess free. put the prince and princesses names on their banqueting plates. then tell the children to throw them in a specified place and they will recieve a ticket by way of reward which they get by finding the treasure chest with clues along the way. Every child will have a coresponding number.
containing their prize!
2.The treasure chest game, a great adventure they will all enjoy. also set a couple of tasks so they have to earn a couple of clues but not too many as tey may become bored. The treasure doesn't have to be expensive because the finding and each getting some treasure is exciting for youngsters in itself. Go to your local pound store get bubble and kids beads which can be split so they have enough to make an item of jewellery as a reminder of their day or pre make crowns and tiaras from card then they can stick on the jewels.
3 Then to finish off a royal ball. just play a bit of music then it,ll be as if merlin has arrived as one by one parents arrive to take home their little prince or princess ontheir way out hand each child a piece of cake wrapped up to take home. job done for anuther year, plus you will be left
with one happy little girl.
Now to the best bits, as it will no doubt be the highlight of all the youngsters social calendar start the preperatiuns NOW! Then should you not be able to attend the big day yourself. rope in a couple of trustee helpers. plus there are always a few moms who stay at young kids parties anyway.aslong as its been pre organizedthere should be no probs. 1. make a lis of the days events and running order and get copies printed for your helpers too. Find online some printable invites, there are plenty of FREE ones available,
Don't panic over food preperation. all these women have been pregnant at least once so know its a bind, get them all to contribute a food item that needs preparation ie one do cheese sarnies. another beef, sausage rolls, fairy cakes maybe 2 mum do a batch each so you are left to put crisps and other snacky bits and bobs out. if they don't they must be a pretty sad bunch if you as me, just supply each mum with a couple of paper plates. so there should be a minimum or zero washing up after.There are another couple of tricks up my sleeve so let me know if your interested 'cos i've waffled on as it is.

Take Care
PixelDiva

until we left the UK we NEVER had a party for the whole class (had a leaving party but that was different but it opened my eyes to how ridiculously expensive even a church hall can be with asda value food and paper plates for 34 kids! was over £150!!)

my dd had her 5th party 10 days before i was due with ds2 - she had 5 friends round to the house - the weather held (it was august)! we had our tiny inflatable bouncy castle outside and i fed them a hot dog each and had crisps and juice or lemonade! i did some pass the parcel and then just used the toys we had in the garden for games - we had this games kit from ages ago with bean bags and 3 legged races in them!! she said at the end i was the best mum ever - nearly cried cause i was stressed it was the cheapest party ever!!
i promise it def cost less than £50! and they only stayed an hour and a half and yeah there was some tidying to do but it was worth it even in my heavily pregnant state!!

Pixel, IMO, you don't ask people to provide food fot your childs birthday party. It's a bit different if you invite them to join you for a 'picnic' and bring your own food, but then it's not a birthday party really is it.

I'm in a similar position, baby due a few weeks before DD1's 5th birthday. we've decided to have one of those parties where everything is done for you at a local arty crfty place - so all we'll have to do is turn up. She's inviting just the girls in her class (she seems happy with that and it's a good cut-off point!)

It is expensive, but we feel entitled to skimp on presents given that she'll be getting them from everyone coming to the party! Also she has never had a party before, and i think 5 is quite a 'big birthday' - the first one when she's at school.

I certainly would NOT have anything at home with the baby being due so close. I know the last thing that will help my hormones is a ransacked home!!

PS. We originally thought we couldn't afford it to but have managed to scrape bits of money together from various places... it's helpful if there aren't many girls in your dd's class!!

Here's what I would do:

Tell her she can have the party but only invite 10 friends max and thats the limit.

Hold it at home. Don't pay for village hall etc.

Sandwiches, crisps, chocolate fingers, fairy buns, sausage rolls - can get more than enough food for £20.

Back to basics games - sleeping lions, statues, musical bumps, pass the parcel. If nice weather, all can be played outside - if not, inside. Maybe an activity like decorate your own crown/tiara (card and glitter pens).

A few prizes - small toys/books from supermarket.

Bottle of bubbles, a balloon and piece of cake for each guest to take home.

Cost of prizes, cake, bubbles, balloons and banners - £20max.

Ask parents to stay to lend a hand.

5yo just want friends and food really - nothing fancy!

Unfortuantely I have to invite boys as she plays with them more than the girls!
I like the idea of having it in the garden - hadn't thought about a gazebo that would do the trick will start asking around to see if anyone has one. I am thinking as well to make it a week before due date (2 weeks before her birthday) you never know all that running around may help brings things on!
Pixel Diva any suggestions gladly received!
Round here even the local church hall will cost me over £30 which wouldn't leave a lot for food.
I regularly have lots of kids here which isn't a problem. The problem with parties is the expectations of more than just playing mummies and daddies!
Thanks for all your suggestions though as I will be reading them all again.

If you think you'd make regular use of it, what about this gazebo for £99 from B&Q.

My mate got it last year for her 30th last summer and it was great! (It was cheaper last year though!)
It's plenty big, and wasn't too hard to put up.

It was my DD birthday yesterday. I wasn't looking forward to it (due my back etc), but she wanted a party. So we done private hire of the playcentre in our leisure centre. £165 for 1.5hrs including drinks, 1 member of staff and music etc. all we did was provide the food and kids LOL. DD loved it, as it was just her and about 10 friends, we've been to parties there when its open to the public, but last night was lovely as it was closed to the public for DD and her friends. We will be quite happy to do it again next year.

MM - I think that £165 for 10 children is rather above the £50 budget of the OP

Well I realise that - and I understand its hard as the OP is due 7 days before. I think if her DD wants a party then have a small gathering at home, with a few friends etc. Something that doesn't cost alot, and that isn't to stressful with the help of DH and a friend etc.

Can you do a cinema party?
She can invite 5 friends, you get them hot dogs and popcorn and a drink, and cake in party bag. Minimum stress.

One friend for each year - so 5

Tea party at home

Whoever she wants but decide NOW and don't let her play "You're-Not-Invited" with her friends at school

Let her choose a theme - get decorations from poundshop

It's cheap and I honestly don't think they appreciate a 'massive' party any more than a small one

See here, Odeon Kids club if you have an odeon near you. It is usually £1 per child.

Start a box for Party Bags now - small toys she doesn't use, and the contents of any party bags between now and then that she won't miss

morningpaper that reminds me...we save toys from Mcdonald's happy meals for party bags/pass the parcel. My kids only usually play with them for a little bit, the afternoon at most, then I put them away.

A campng tent in the garden could be just as good as a gazebo, cheaper but still fun to eat inside of it even/especially if it's raining.