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Original poster

oldest child still in nappies???!

20 replies

dot1 · 21/04/2005 12:53

Our 3.5 year old ds is still in nappies - he adamantly refuses to even try the potty/toilet even though he now knows (and tells us) when he's going to wee or poo, and although sometimes tries on his pants will wait until he gets a nappy back on before he does anything - proving his excellent bladder control..!

We think he's terrified of having an accident, even though we've re-assured him endlessly that it doesn't matter and everyone has accidents at first... He's a real perfectionist - wouldn't talk until he could do whole sentences, and won't play with anything he can't master instantly... It's like he can't bear the thought of having an accident, so he refuses to try.

HELP!!! We've tried bribery (big glass jar full of chocolate in the bathroom, promise of Thomas tickets if he wees in the toilet), star chart leading to presents, peer pressure - he knows all the other children in his class now use the toilet and it doesn't make any difference to him.

Anything else we could try??! Happy ending stories of older children who finally got trained without a problem would be appreciated at this stage - ds told me (proudly) the other day he's going to wear nappies all his life....

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NomDePlume · 21/04/2005 12:55

I suspect I'll be typing a very similar thread to you in the not too distant future, DD 2.8 is so not interested in nappy changes.

NomDePlume · 21/04/2005 12:57

nappy changes ??? I meant potty training ! Must have put vodka on my cornflakes by accident

Original poster

dot1 · 21/04/2005 13:13

make mine a large gin while you're at it..!

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poppyknot · 21/04/2005 13:43

DD1 (last year year but seems like decades...) was definitely in nappies at 3.2+.

We had tried everything star charts, praise etc etc)and nothing worked. Accidents were every day and we never ventured out in pants. She just wasn't interested. Peer pressure (ie the others at playgroup actually going to the loo) had no effect.

Then one day it just happened. As with a lot of things it is not much help to the mum still struggling but you will know when it does.

And the extra bonus was that as she 'trained' quite late she was instantly dry at night.

In retrospect it was like trying to get DD2 on to a bottle. At the time it feels like a never ending struggle and that they will never 'learn'.

But they will, they do. And apparently some children are just prone to be late anyway - it runs in families.

So good luck - I have now the prospect of DD2 ahead. But we are taking two weeks off in the summer and not going anywhere so obviously this will be the best time to start.......

motherinferior · 21/04/2005 13:48

I am assuming it's not helpful to ask if you've tried pullups?

He does sound 'ready', doesn't he. DD1 was younger, but quite similar - flatly refused till the day her childminder said OK, now it's time to sit on the loo.

If you, er, just said 'ok, mate, that's it, pants today' I suppose that would lead to constipation, lifelong trauma and expensive family therapy, wouldn't it...?

misdee · 21/04/2005 13:56

dd1 was 3.5 when she potty trained. i got fed of waiting till she was ready, that one day i told her that after the friday she would no longer be wearing nappies. she got it instantly.

do u have a potty or trainer toliet seat? because of his age, if u dont have one, go to mothercare or similar with him and let him choose a seat and step.

if your ds is holding on till he gets a nappy on, then be a bit evil, put pants on him one day at the weekend in the morning, as soon as possible. and let him have plently to drink. i'm sure he cant hold on all day

donnie · 21/04/2005 14:08

I would set a target date - say 2 weeks away - and start telling him it's a big day for him as he won't need nappies any more, make it sound really exciting etc, count down the days, keep reminding him and so on. Then see how he gets on for a couple of days with no napies. It is difficult if you need to go out and about but worth a try perhaps?

fintamoo · 21/04/2005 16:15

DD2 is still in nappies and she is 3 years 4 months. I have NO intention of training til summer holidays. She can do it as when its bathtime she quite happily gets herself on the loo and goes then wipes.

DS was over 3 and a half when he was trained. It took literally a week for day and night time control.

DD1 was 2 and a half and had accident after accident and was still wet during the night at 4 years.

Havent actually thought about what I will do if dd2 decides she wont train in the summer. The way I see it is that no child at school that I know of wears nappies!!!!!

To be very honest its ME that wants to leave it so late, I work at a local kindergarten and have three children and a house etc...... you know where I am going with this.....

Twiglett · 21/04/2005 16:21

I think MI's suggestion is worth trying TBH - I know it was a half-hearted suggestion but he sounds totally ready

maybe take him on a shopping spree for special pants

How about nominating a friend to be his favourite superhero and tell him if he can do a wee / poo in potty / toilet then he can call his favourite superhero (friend pre-warned to make huge big fuss over it) ??

if he's old enough to hold it in, and understands the principle its probably a case of getting over the frightening first time

if afraid of constipation (or verging on it) get some lacutlose from GP

motherinferior · 21/04/2005 16:24

Actually that is what we did with DD1. It's just I don't want to be responsible for, you know, complexes...

dinosaur · 21/04/2005 16:24

Dot1 my DS1 was still in nappies (or pull-ups, anyway) at the age of 3.5 but by the time he was about four and a quarter he was clean and dry during the day, although he would only poo on a potty - it took a bit longer to get him to use the loo - and he will still only "perform" at home or at his grandparents' house.

He's still not dry at night at the age of nearly six though.

Don't worry, your DS will get there, honest.

Have you tried taking him shopping to buy some pants that he chooses for himself? IIRC that and a lot of gentle persuasion from my mum was how we got DS1 to at least try wearing pants. And once we actually got him in pants, he didn't have many "wee" accidents at all.

Original poster

dot1 · 21/04/2005 22:24

MI - that's exactly what we're afraid of - lord knows we're probably giving him enough reason to be in therapy for most of his life anyway..! He gets incredibly upset when we suggest keeping his pants on - very distressed at the thought of not having a nappy on when he needs a wee, so we really don't want to make it this huge big issue... we've already done the special shopping trip - last year - so now his Thomas and Noddy pants are almost too small...!

sigh. I suppose we'll just have to wait for that magic day - or bite the bullet a couple of weeks before he starts school (in a year's time!!) and traumatise the poor little sod...

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honeypot01 · 24/04/2005 11:52

my son was just turning 3 when he went into the preschool class at nursery, they told me that they don't have the facilities for nappy changing down there and he needs to be out of nappies before he goes down there. They told me to bring him in pants, as i don't drive, they suggested i put a towel underneath him, just incase, it worked, he wears nappies at night, but occassionally try without, sometimes wets, sometimes not, he's 3.5 yrs now. Can you not just put the pantrs on say theres no more nappies anymore, if you're really worried let him have one at bedtime.

NannyL · 24/04/2005 20:57

as a nanny i would say tell him that in a week / 2 weeks (or whenever) he is going to become a big boy and NOT need a nappy anymore.

Then when the day comes put him in pants and get on with it.... NO nappy when he needs a wee.

I guess once he gets used to it (and does his first wee in the potty / loo (or even pants) but NOT his nappy he will realise that it actually is not that bad to do a wee without a nappy on!

My guess is after a few successes he will be delighted, just be prepared for the first hour or 2 to be a little stressful.

Maybe try CLOTH trainer pants, NOT pullups cause they are just like nappies anyway, but try and be brave and go for real pants!

AngelCakeUmm · 24/04/2005 21:07

I would do what others have said and set a date and tell him when it is going to be and that he is going to be a BIG boy and not need nappies anymore.

I would also not buy any nappies so there are none in the house (or hide them so he does not know) so he "has" to wear pants!

I a having the same probs with my ds but he is 2.7 but they wont let him in playschool in september if he is not trained........so bring on the summer i say and fingers crossed he is going to learn

Original poster

dot1 · 24/04/2005 22:11

ooh - that sounds so... harsh... (clearly ds knows we are soft touches!).

Will have a think about it and hope he starts doing it himself before we have to come to the crunch.

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stitch · 24/04/2005 22:16

i thinkit helps if you have a deadline. for us it was the fact that he was satarting school, (well th enursery in school) in septemebr when he would be 3.3. he didnt want to, but they wouldnt take him if he wasnt. so we had to work really hard. but got there in the end.
good luck

paolosgirl · 24/04/2005 22:29

If it's any consolation (probably not!!) dd is nearly 6 and not dry at night, and comes home every day with soggy pants! Have been to the GP - they won't do anything until she is 7, as up til then they don't class it as a problem.

jojo28 · 25/04/2005 23:43

Wondering what is considered accepable potty ettiquette when out and about. My friend and I have both just put are ds's in pants (both around 2.6)Admire friends determination at cracking it but almost died when she brought the potty out in Starbucks and sat her son down on the potty right on the seat at our booth! She repeated this in the restaurant of a department store whilst we had lunch. Old ladies sipped their Earl Grey and stared on dissaprovingly. Initially I gave the disgruntled fellow patrons a frosty stare but realised with a jolt that I too did not think it was ok to allow your little one to do a pooh or a pee in the middle of a restaurant or cafe as others ate. I have so far only resorted to whipping out the portable potty in the car park the park and a quiet corner of a shopping mall, wondering if I am being prudish?

jojo28 · 25/04/2005 23:45

Sorry ignore I was trying to start a new thread! Will try again!

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