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Parenting

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Original poster

NCT groups, do they cater for all social classes?

47 replies

fairyfeet · 20/04/2005 16:39

Is it just me or does any one else feel slighly inferior within NCT groups? I personnally found I did not have a great deal in common with other members who all seemed a fair bit older and wealthier? I felt some of them looked down their nose at me living in my ex council house with my rather mediocre (but happy) job and life.

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SkiBunnyFlummy · 20/04/2005 16:42

I have always felt slightly superior at NCT groups. Especially when those council house types start intruding on our cosy middle class chats. One of them even mentioned Matalan the other day, quite shocking. We immediately changed the subject to M&S of course.

SoupDragon · 20/04/2005 16:42

Some do, some don't TBH. The groups I've been involved with have had a mix of people and we all seem to have got on well.

There's no doubt that some people are snobby but you get that in any group really.

SkiBunnyFlummy · 20/04/2005 16:44

oh gawd dreadful humour.

i think is likely to be slightly more educated people - could be any class I guess as people generally get involved in NCT to learn more about child birth, so the types of people that would be intersted etc etc

you shouldn't feel inferior at all. expect they are up their own a*ses. i know i am.

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SkiBunnyFlummy · 20/04/2005 16:50

oh blimey, am diggin big whole here. not that where you live denotes education. i just mean NCT attracts people who are interested in childbirth etc, often breastfeeding etc

onlyanidiotbut · 20/04/2005 16:52

An associate of mine went to NCT classes and thought they were brilliant. 'a better class of people than at the hospital where council house people and teenage mothers will be' Please note her words not mine.

She raved and raved about how fantastic tthey were and how much money they all had.

FYI when her child was born after a week of continual crying by the poor child her HV finally asked her is she was getting the childs wind up. She wasn't as apparently no one has told her to wind the baby.

Therefore all the snobbery in the world and you can still be an idiot.

I am sure some of the classes are great but as in life you will always get a mixed bunch of individuals, some of which may be snobs.

SoupDragon · 20/04/2005 16:54

Keep digging, SkiBunnyFlummy

onlyanidiotbut · 20/04/2005 16:55

not digging at you skibunny i personally have not been to any so maybe i shouldn't be commenting!!!

Knowledge is supposed to be a good thing!!!!

SkiBunnyFlummy · 20/04/2005 16:56

I went to a coffee morning once , an NCT one. It was in a very small house with a kitchenette and not a dining room. Also some of the toys were plastic and not wooden. I was appalled and wrote a strongly worded letter to my local rep that standards were falling.

can't people like that have thier own coffee mornings at the local Working Mens Club or something.

I mean really. They will be trying to join the Womens Institute next or the Mothers Union

Bugsy2 · 20/04/2005 16:57

SBF, am howling with laughter as you dig the biggest hole for yourself!!!!!
Fairyfeet, mixed bunch in my area. Does seem to attract the concerned middle class mummy type but not really sure why that should be.
If your group look down their noses at you for where you live, then that is a sign that they are probably deeply shallow!!! So why not give them something to be really shocked about & ask them if they think being on "the game" might be damaging your children!!!
(I'm always doing stuff like that, as snobbery drives me nuts)

iota · 20/04/2005 17:00

I must admit that I was put off from joining the NCT by my boss - he urged me to join and he was such a raging snob (ex-public schoolboy) that I couldn't bring myself to.

Have subsequently met some very nice NCT members

SkiBunnyFlummy · 20/04/2005 17:04

Bugsy2 like your style

I am always v. confused as would love to be snob, but not sure if entitled. Come from working class stock, but dad did ok so scrambled to middle class. am about to marry upwards - ha ha. and dp went to poshest school in country. so intend to consider myself upper class from now on.

except i speak appallingly. but I am highly educated. dp speaks beeeeooootifully and rich too but no higher education.

what are we??????

I know I have a superiority complex that is for sure. Just can't help looking down on almost everyone. Even the queen ( I saw her with a smut on her shoes once!)

Bugsy2 · 20/04/2005 17:11

SBF, sound v "posh" myself - private school etc etc etc. However, can't bear snobs, any looking downy stuff drives me absolutely bananas & makes me feel very rebellious.
Went to a real "stuffed shirt" do recently & was so hacked off by the snobbery I encountered, I told people I was a pole dancer.

SkiBunnyFlummy · 20/04/2005 17:13

my party occupation used to be Fluffer. am accountant but too boring to talk about. All the blokes like a fluffer. Dp thinks is hilarious

Bugsy2 · 20/04/2005 17:18

I'll be a fluffer next time!

MeerkatsUnite · 20/04/2005 18:37

Fairyfeet,

My NCT experience was pretty awful to be honest looking back on it. All these groups are different and I suppose I was just unlucky really but there were too many people there with their heads up their proverbial ass!.

The movers and shakers of the NCT seem to be focused primarily on pregnancy and childbirth, not on babies. They are the one organisation that could do so much more to help women and their partners adjust to family life, by extending the scope of their courses, encouraging local drop ins and continuing classes after birth. Yet they appear divided - some want the organisation to change; others, those who are fascinated by the needs of women in labour, are quite happy to keep it like it is.

mummytosteven · 20/04/2005 18:38

interesting point MeerkatsUnited, about lack of support after birth. in my area NCT classes got booked up very early, and if you don't go to the ante-natal classes, you've pretty much missed the boat, as there isn't scope to join in groups post-natally.

dropinthe · 20/04/2005 18:56

I learnt quite a bit from my NCT classes but do know exactly what you mean about class-I was most definitely the only working class woman there but held my own well-I didnt go to the reunion and didnt keep up with the subs-went to a few open houses but they were filled with really militant millies on their high horses who's houses were a mess,who's kids looked like they were stig of the dumps and whom I generally felt nothing akin with!

Toothache · 20/04/2005 20:28

A friend of mine totally put me off going to NCT classes for that very reason Fairyfeet!
Couldn't be arsed with all that snobbery.... and I am one of those wealthy people...

... only joking BTW..

scully · 21/04/2005 13:48

Having moved when pregnant, I ended up joining 2 NCT coffe groups from 2 neighbouring areas. The 'better off' area were a fantastic bunch who I'm still in contact with 3 yrs later. The other lot thought they were all rather special and I'm not in contact with any of them
Go along once and you'll have a good (or bad feeling) fairly quickly!

beatie · 22/04/2005 15:58

My NCT antenatal group was varied in jobs, incomes and house sizes but I'd say we all had the same level of education though.

We were an especially nice, tolerant bunch though. We continued to go to bumps and babies afterwards and we were especially welcoming to anyone new who joined - whoever they were and wherever they lived. We all had an interest in breastfeeding and we all had babies of a similar age - that's all we needed in common.

I was the first to have my baby out of my group so I went to B&B alone and encountered some of the stand-offishness that people speak about. The group who had babies 3-6 months older than us had formed a very cliquey group and they were not welcoming to me at all. Once more newborns came along, the mums with older babies went off and formed their own splinter group. I thought it was especially bad, since the two NCT Post-natal co-ordinators for the area were in that cliquey group.

Blu · 22/04/2005 16:16

I made some of my most lasting 'Mums' freindships at NCT ante-natal and tea group. The others I met at hospital and local GP groups, and MN.

I think it is true that the NCT has been successful in a particular niche and (sadly, becaue it's a great thing) hasn't yet spread very far.

FLUM · 22/04/2005 16:22

MeerkatsUnited

With all due respect NCT does stand for: National Childbirth Trust

so its understandable its mostly about birth rather than after care.

would have loved to have had the energy to go to anything when baby was new born. just sat on sofa with baby plugged in

littlerach · 22/04/2005 16:30

My ante natalclass were mostly lovely, not at all snobby, and some of us still meet up 4 yrs on. The post natal group was very welcoming but I didn't feel that it was such a close group, probably because of all the different aged children etc. I must admit that when we moved I did not bother with the post natal groups.

morningpaper · 22/04/2005 16:32

Fairyfeet: I feel just the same! They all seem older and wealthier - although that doesn't bother me in itself, I just feel that they find me slightly rough at the edges! I always make some gaffe or swear and this is followed by silence. I have stopped socialising with NCT bods - I guess every area is different but my experience was much like yours. I guess the £36 joining fee attracts a certain class of person!!!

cod · 22/04/2005 16:32

Message withdrawn

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