So I shouted and he's so small and I feel awful

[puppie]

DS is 18 months old and every night when I have picked him up from from childminder and walked him home (6.00 p.m after being up at 5.00 in the morning to get into london for my job)we have a drama after dinner. I realise I am wound up from being tired and I literally have only just had time to take my coat off when I walk through the door before I rush to the kitchen to make him dinner as he is shouting and hungry (holding in a wee as I dont have the time). Anyway (self pitying bit over and done with), mealtimes are a disaster as I have it thrown across the room and in my face most nights if he doesnt fancy it. Then I get a proper tantrum and if I try to placate him he hits me. So this happens nearly every night and last night I ended up shouting at him.

I said RIGHT THATS IT NO DINNER THEN (very loudly) and took the bowl away. This only caused him to cry even louder so clearly I know it is not the way to behave but I dont know how to keep my rag much longer as it is relentless. Please some tips ladies as he is so little and I have felt so guilty all day long and keep picturing his little face all crumpled up.

get your CM to feed him

or make it over the weekend so you can defrost something - beans on toast or egg on toast is fine for tea with a yoghurt

we have all had days like this - don't beat yourself up about it

if he doesn't want to eat then take him away from the table and offer a banana - distraction is usually good

Does he have dinner at the CM? Tired children never eat well and it really might be better for him to have his meals there (all of them) while he is still awake and will eat better, then try to have the time when you get in just to sit and snuggle, find out about his day, play, read, whatever. Just have some time together to chill a bit. He is presumably very tired at that time, as are you, so I'm just not sure making dinner is the thing to do in those circumstances.

Sorry i should have said that I freeze his dinners over the weekend. The process takes about 20 mins by the time defrosted and cooled down so he eats at around 6.15-6.20. Still soul destroying though as I spend a lot of my time over the weekend making the meals. Unfortunately my childminder wont give her mindees dinner. She gives them breakfast, lunch and afternoon tea. I know he is tired as well but I need to find a way to manage his mood I think.

awww don't feel bad about shouting - I'm positive there's not one parent on this website who could honestly hold their hands up and say they've never shouted.

Echo what the others say about him perhaps eating at the CM's.

6pm isn't alwas too late for dinner (my DS's eat between 6 and 6.30, go to bed at 8pm - DS3 is 22 months), but if your DS is too tired to eat them it's probably better to have him fed there

Really? Do any of you have experience of what time a childminder generally gives her mindees dinner?

feed him sandwiches in the car on the way home

my ds would not eat if we missed his 'hungry' window so we just gave him finger food on the hop

don't worry about shouting, we have all been there and meals are really stress filled occasions

Can you have a sandwich or something ready for him?
I know what you mean, I feel awful after shouting at DS - little face all crumpled up rings a bell Just give him a hug!

Don't worry about shouting. I have a 22mo, and I definitely have days like this. The last one being after she threw a bowl of grapes at me in temper.

My dd eats at nursery at around 4.30pm, and then I offer her a snack at around 6pm (which she doesn't usually throw at me, honestly).

Please don't worry, just try and make today a better day.

I agree - eat at childminders, then when you get in you can have a nice cuddly bath with him and pyjamas - much much nicer.

OR could you give him sandwiches to eat while he sits in the buggy on the way home?

What time does your DS have his dinner at the weekends?

Get your cm to give him the meals you cook and freeze, then you can come home with a happy, full tummed toddler, who you can enjoy a bit of time with before bed!

I know it is nice to feel you are eating together but it is better to feel you are happy together IYSWIM. As he gets older teatimes can be changed to fit your schedule but I would sugget you leave this battle for another day!

Could the CM give him a bigger meal instead of afternoon tea?

IME tea at CMs or nurseries seems to be around 4.30 to 5.00 ish. So they are all fed and cleaned up etc before 5.30 (and sometimes even earlier than that!)

As rubyslippers said, we've all had days like that... don't worry.

About the dinner, can you maybe give him a piece of fruit or some raisins or something to nibble on while you're walking home, just to take the edge off his hunger? Then you would have time to get home and take it easy a bit without rushing around trying to feed him immediately.

Also, I know its late by the time you get home, but as both of you probably really want some "together time" after being apart all day, it wouldn't hurt to take the whole dinner/snuggle/bed routine a little slower. So what if he goes to bed a little later? At least you would both get some quality and non-stress time together.

i second finger food or sarnies on the way home

MP is right - a great way to diffuse stoppiness is to have a bath together - i often do this with DS

it is hard for either of you to be cranky if you are splashing each other and blowing bubbles

When ds had been to nursery at this age we quite often just gave him a big bowl of yoghurt with grapes and perhaps a bit of cereal in - he liked it, easy to eat, and full of good things. He is probably too tired to want to eat 'complicated' food at this time.

thread hi-jack - mistlethrush - did you see the thread I started for you attention last week??

If he hasn't eaten since lunchtime he's probably starving by 5.00pm. Can you give him a snack to eat on the way home so he hasn't got beyond hunger by the time tea is ready?

Tired & hungry child + tired and wee-needing mum = complete recipe for shouting - I think you should be patting yourself on the back for holding out so long

Right, so if cm won't give food, I would go with the straight in & start on a snack route - but something that is going to be part of his dinner - eg salad bits, or my two will eat most veg direct from the freezer - peas esp; or bread & butter; or a bit of ham or cooked chicken. Or start with fruit - why not?

Does your cm give a cooked lunch? If so, how about doing a 'picnic' or packed lunch for maybe a couple of days a week - all ready the night before & throw it at him the minute he comes in?

Sounds like you are uber-organised with the cooking - could you get stuff out of freezer in am so you only have to cook >defrost?

Another thought. What does he have for tea at the cm? He may not need a full cooked meal - picky bits (&glass of milk maybe) might be enough...

Agree that he should eat at the childminders. If you cook food and freeze in batches then would be easy to take a portion to her each morning and she could give to DS about 5pm?
Then give him a banana or crackers or something on way home in pram and just have nice bath and stories when you get in.
Much calmer!

totally agree, don't be too upset about the shouting- you can change this prob round easily.

either get Cm to feed him- 5pm is tea time for that age in myexperience.
when wa the last food he got before 6.20pm

he is hungry and tired too...

or give him a nice put of something good to eat in the buggy (don't look at the thread of the 20month old eating a jar on the bus!)- banana is good, or even a tupperware with some healthy bits and bobs.You can drop this off with cm first thing and then jsut pick it up with baby form her in the eve.

It's hard isn't it. i always have a rough time at about 3.45pm after getting my kids home from scjhool/preschool. they are tired and hungry and thirsty and i invariabley need a wee too.

hth and don't worry- this is def very fiaxable.

Don't feel bad about taking the food away either. This is a tactic that I've used for ds since abuot 20 months. It calms him and me and he'll learn too.

Did this last night in fact (now almost 3). He later ate some of his dinner but I finished most off (it was yum so didn't mind)!!

I always have carrots as standby. Could you give something like this to CM ?