So I shouted and he's so small and I feel awful

[puppie]

DS is 18 months old and every night when I have picked him up from from childminder and walked him home (6.00 p.m after being up at 5.00 in the morning to get into london for my job)we have a drama after dinner. I realise I am wound up from being tired and I literally have only just had time to take my coat off when I walk through the door before I rush to the kitchen to make him dinner as he is shouting and hungry (holding in a wee as I dont have the time). Anyway (self pitying bit over and done with), mealtimes are a disaster as I have it thrown across the room and in my face most nights if he doesnt fancy it. Then I get a proper tantrum and if I try to placate him he hits me. So this happens nearly every night and last night I ended up shouting at him.

I said RIGHT THATS IT NO DINNER THEN (very loudly) and took the bowl away. This only caused him to cry even louder so clearly I know it is not the way to behave but I dont know how to keep my rag much longer as it is relentless. Please some tips ladies as he is so little and I have felt so guilty all day long and keep picturing his little face all crumpled up.

Just read your other post. If he has afternoon tea then beans on toast or scrambled eggs should be okay for dinner. Quick and easy to prepare. Why not also have a snack that he can eat on the way home - cereal bar etc. Or send in a packed tea for your ds if your CM refuses to do a proper dinner.

I just wanted to express my sympathy/empathy-I often find it really hard when I get in to dd after work because I am so keen to see her but we are on different wavelengths, both tired, and I get distracted by practicalities when she wants me to focus exclusively on her esp after not seeing me all day.

The thing that makes a difference for us is if I succeed in doing just that- sitting with her for twenty minutes at least even though I really want to rush about sorting things out.

I too have shouted and felt horribly guilty. It's a hard juggling act...let yourself off the hook if you can xx

Don't worry about shouting; none of us are infallible.
I spoke VERY FIRMLY to DS (nearly 2) the other night when he continued throwing his dinner on the floor despite repeated firm warnings. He never looks remorseful.
The final straw came when DH handed him a piece of meringue that he had lovingly made me for Mother's Day and DS threw it on the floor.
I pulled DS'schair away from the table and gave him a really good scolding. For what seemed the first time ever he actually looked as if he knew he'd done something wrong. We didn't speak to him for a few minutes and then brought him back to the table whereupon he gobbled all the meringue up,and then some! So it must have worked and I will do this again if the situation arises!
I felt a bit awful seeing his hurt little face, but if you're not firm with them they'll walk all over you.
You've had lots advice here re the food, but it probably makes sense to do the snack thing.
On his two days at nnursery DS hasd a 3pmish snack. When we bring him home, he chills with a little bit of telly and then sits with us and is offered what we're having - just because he always eats with us at aroudn 6.30pm. That's NOT too late for us; it works and we don;t want him to eat separately. If hedoesn;t want it, I know he doesn't need it and just serve him up some snacks.

DS never really wants a big meal in the evening after lunch and tea at nursery. He usually has something like a bowl of fruit (grapes, blueberries etc) or the current fave is air popped popcorn (we have a machine). Add a babybel or some cheesy biscuits and he's pretty much had enough.

A bath together is a lovely way to reconnect and chill out

Tangent here, cmotdibbler, but are those popcorn machines good?
We all love popcorn; you can get lots of different flavourings too, can't you?

I think its great - DS (2.10) can make popcorn on his own and it only takes a couple of minutes. We don't use any flavourings, but I think you can get them - DS likes to dip popcorn in soft cheese, but we all quite like it plain. Dead cheap and healthy too

Might get one for Dh for his birthday. (not just for him, of course! ) To date, we cook it in a suaucepan but like the novelty factor.
Where doy ou get them at a good price?
Sorry for hijack here, ladies!
Was reading a novel and throughout, the couple in it (American) talked about all the flavourings they used. Yum!

imo the machines are quite dangerous, the air is really, really hot. oddly i think you're better off just doing it in the pan, for safety.

Ours was from Amazon - prices are generally pretty good on there.

The air is very hot, but DS is fine about putting the bowl down and not touching, and it is very easy to do cf using a saucepan (where I always burn some)

Anniemac we have been doing this for the past 6 months since I have been back at work. You have hit the nail on the head, it is very stressful. Unfortunately I cant drive (currently going for lessons) which is why I have to walk him home and thats what takes the time, the childminder is actually close, about 5 mins by car. DH drops him off in mornings so I dont want him to have to leave work early to pick him up (share the load etc). I will have to look into Au Pairs as I'm not sure how they work.

I also think that if he's had lunch plus beans on toast at the CM's, then all he probably wants is something pretty simple and quick when he gets home, like a banana and a bit of bread. He may be throwing the food because he's just outfaced by it.

I also don't think 6.15 is too late for dinner at all for a child who gets up at 7. Don't beat yourself up.

I also think anniemac speaks sense. Maybe try giving him something small when you walk in the door - or just a drink of milk - then go off and play with toys together to relax a bit, and see after that if he still wants something else?

And I know he's only 18 months, but DD is 24 months and is starting to realise that (in her case) whining and going iwantiwantiwant produces a negative reaction in people... I do feel bad for snapping, but at the same time they have to begin to realise that, even when they're tired or hungry, shouting or whining may cause parents to respond somewhat negatively to them!

oh dear, that sounds mean - what I'm trying to say is that it's easy to get the idea from books etc. that it's always your fault if your toddler starts to strop because they aren't in a perfect state of physical wellbeing - "tantrums can be avoided if you always make sure your child is never too tired/hungry/stimulated etc. etc!"

sorry, I was referring to my previous post there - I didn't mean that what anniemac said sounded mean!

My little fellow is only 14 months but is a complete gannet! His nursery give him a 'proper' lunch, a light tea (around 3.30pm) and so by the time I get him home at 5.30/6pm I give him an Ella's Kitchen fruit smoothie (which he can guzzle from the pouch as he too can be a bit impatient) while I make him some grated cheese on toast/sandwiches/slice of fruit loaf - he never really needs anymore.

I am definitely going to have to rethink his dinners, from reading most of these posts I am starting to suspect I am overfeeding him . Anniemac I have a long commute and pretty much have to get up at 5.00 to get into London for 8.00 start. I leave at 4.00 and still only get home at 6.00 so cant change my hours. I am going to get DH to look into flexible working hours as well as I believe dads are also eligible.