So I shouted and he's so small and I feel awful

[puppie]

DS is 18 months old and every night when I have picked him up from from childminder and walked him home (6.00 p.m after being up at 5.00 in the morning to get into london for my job)we have a drama after dinner. I realise I am wound up from being tired and I literally have only just had time to take my coat off when I walk through the door before I rush to the kitchen to make him dinner as he is shouting and hungry (holding in a wee as I dont have the time). Anyway (self pitying bit over and done with), mealtimes are a disaster as I have it thrown across the room and in my face most nights if he doesnt fancy it. Then I get a proper tantrum and if I try to placate him he hits me. So this happens nearly every night and last night I ended up shouting at him.

I said RIGHT THATS IT NO DINNER THEN (very loudly) and took the bowl away. This only caused him to cry even louder so clearly I know it is not the way to behave but I dont know how to keep my rag much longer as it is relentless. Please some tips ladies as he is so little and I have felt so guilty all day long and keep picturing his little face all crumpled up.

FAQlovely MY day starts at 5.00 a.m. DH gets him up at 7.00 a.m and takes him to childminder at 7.30. He has a snack at childminder at 3.00 so doesnt have to wait from lunch til 5.00. During the weekend I give him dinner between 5.30 and 5.45. I like the idea of asking childminder to give him frozen meals.

FAQ - no, sorry, missed it! [sorry about hijack!]

At that age I had to give my CM all the kids meals. They always had their main meal at lunch time and a snack at afternoon tea so like you I would batch cook over the weekend and freeze.

As well as being tired he may also be missing you - it is such a short period of time coming home from the CM and him going to bed. Just an idea but when you get in you both have some space to unwind and then do something with him before starting the bed routine.

have bumped for you - I'm still ing about his reaction

he should be eating more than every 3 hours i'd have thouht. can't you leave his meal in the fridge to defrost during the day so you just have to zap it?

can your cm really not give tea? it seems a bit unfair really if you provide the food, ready to whack in the microwave.

that's what my cm does and ds is shattered when he comes home, but he goes straight in bath, milk, stories and bed. i couldn't even contemplate getting him bibbed up and fed after a day at work tbh.

am sure your cm will compromise on this.

Oh at Childminder he will have something like a hotdog and fruit, or beans on toast for 3.00 p.m. snack. IYO would it be okay to give him a snack at home instead of full on dinners like I have been? I usually give him things like fish pie or shepherds pie etc... Am also going to try the snack in the buggy on the way home

My dd is 16 months and has her dinner with us about 6.30 most nights though many nights it has been nearer 7pm. If we are running late i give her a breadstick/banana/yoghurt so she is a lot more chilled about waiting which makes her eat better when her dinner is put in front of her. I know our way would not work with every child but it does with ours so we carry on. At the end of the day if your child always has a banana after dinner, there is no reason they can't have it before as a starter, and if it takes the pressure off you everyone is a lot calmer.

it just sounds exhausting for you, having to deal with that when you get home. agree totally with alice about the banana, chopped veggies etc are fine and will keep them going.

he is probably full if he's had a full meal at lunchtime and then something like beans on toast at 3 maybe?

i've just discovered 17mth ds loves tzatziki with his breadsticks. i give one 'big' meal like shepherds pie and one 'snacky' meal like beans on toast or bits / pieces (e.g. dips, veg sticks, rice cakes, fruit, yoghurt etc) every day.

Definitely second the snack on the way home (and despite the grief given to the poor woman who gave her kid baby food on the bus! we usually keep an ellas kitchen sachet to hand, as they keep forever unopened, and if dd (19 months) is hungary she can suck it directly from the pack en route and that way I feel at least she's had a portion of veg (albeit pureed).
Also dh and I both find we get less stressed about food being rejected if it isn't something lovingly home cooked like shepherds pie, so she gets a lot of things like peas cooked in microwave for 2 min plus a bit of cold meat served for her to feed herself while we cook the rest of her dinner. Sometimes if she's tired I do dinner "backwards" i.e. give her fruit or raisins first, which tends to up her blood sugar, make her less cranky and then she'll eat dinner itself better.

Feeding at the cm would be a disaster for us btw, if she ate before 6-6:30pm she'd wake shockingly early demanding breakfast NOW.

likessleep - my ds was never full - he's always needed extra food even when he has theoretically had 3 meals at nursery!

Goodness me. Bowl of weetabix.

Milkmade - second the 'lovingly cooked' meal that then gets rejected issue. It just creates frustration. I spent ages making a mini roast dinner for dd to have her nibble on a tiny piece of yorkshire pudding and then request a bread stick. Never again. Not until she's older, anyway.

MrsJoeMcintyre I've had exactly the same thing, cooked a fantastic meatball and spaghetti dinner only for him to reject it and then gleefully eat a dried up grape he found under the sofa!

hi
Sandwiches in the pram sound like a good idea! Then perhaps a cuddle with a book when you get home. I found with DS1 that having a little corner set up with a comfy chair, a book and snack for him and a cold drink for me helped defuse the whole getting home late thing. I'd set it all up the night before.

And use the loo at the childminders and also do any nappy changes necessary there if possible (I used to do this at DS's nursery)!

good luck, and don't feel bad about shouting. There is a reason 5-7 is known as 'arsenic hour'

We had our damascus moment with the fact that DD actually really likes kidney beans from the tin warmed up by pouring hot water over them and will munch these just as happily as a proper prepared meal. Guilt free, healthy and buys you time to cook something simple. And on the days when she does chuck it on the ground total time lost is in seconds not hours...

lol mine also likes kidney beans from a can

It's GREAT

and let us not forget frozen peas.

My dd loves Crackerbread above all else. I just put a little cheese and cucumber (which she usually picks off, but hey, I'm trying) on there and she's sorted.

oh yes- he does sound like he's had 2 meals already- a lunch and then beans on toast at 3pm?
maybe cm can goive the beans on toast at 4-4.30pm and you can do a banana or a much more laid back snack before bedtime...

Ooh, my DS would be a screaming mess if I tried to do this with him! You're both frazzled! Full meal at that time is probably far too much for him so he doesn't eat anything. I would try a bowl of porridge - DS will always eat porridge regardless of how tired and miserable.

DS is 2 and has a cooked lunch at CM then tea with her about 4.30pm - sandwiches and fruit/yoghurt or something on toast. Then he has a snack (cup of milk and a banana or a hot cross bun usually) when we get home at 6. Bath at 6.45 and (usually if all going to plan) asleep after snuggles/stories/lullabies at 7.30pm.

Everyone shouts at them sometimes, it can be so hard.

I agree with everyone suggesting a snack on the way home and then just some finger food (or weetabix) for tea.

Also agree with the have a bath together thing, I used to do this with DS as soon as I got home from work/nursery and it really "reset" us to home mode. Nice and chilled out and relaxed, then you could just snuggle on the lounge with him with something snacky.

6pm is pretty late for dinner at that age. My CM did dinner for my ds, usually at about 5pm. I'd then pick up at 6.15-6.30 and then straight home for bath and bed. For less stressful than collecting a tired and hungry toddler. Cost of all meals was included in her hourly rate and she always did a proper cooked meal at lunch and dinner, which I wouldn't have time to do in the evening.