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Original poster

Have 2 boys but want a baby girl, how likely is it and am I just being greedy?

95 replies

maybebaby3 · 23/03/2009 07:53

I have 2 gorgeous healthy boys, 3 and 6 months and I love them both to bits, but it seems that everyone around me is having girls, especially those friends who have one boy then give birth to a girl, leaving me with some mega girl envy

I would love a baby girl, but hubby thinks he only has boy sperm! I'm not sure if I want a third, but not sure how I would feel 5 years down he line without another child or more importantly a little girl? (I'm 39 so time is running out)

Anyone else feel the same and torn whether to go for a third child? or does anyone out there have 2 boys then got a 3rd boy, how was it? or got a girl?

Love to hear your experiences and thoughts, thanks!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

willali · 23/03/2009 19:25

I'm sure the research is right about girl sperm and boy sperm swimming faster / living longer etc but the fact remains that the actual sperm that fuses with the egg can be either boy or girl and canot be predicted unless you inject a particular type of sperm into the egg and replant it(the research does not say that all the opposite sex sperm dies, just that the conditions are more favourable for one than the other). So I stick to my basic premise that every time you have a situation with sperm surrounding an egg despite date of ovulation etc etc it can go either way so you need to be sure it is the right thing to bring a new person into the world despite the sex it may be.

CoteDAzur · 23/03/2009 19:43

Peachy, SoupDragon, and others who say some men have a genetic predisposition to have significantly more y-sperm than x-sperm (or vice versa):

Is this mouth-to-ear kind of wisdom or is there an actual scientific research behind it?

In fact, what I remember from high school biology class is that sperm is generated through meiosis (division of one XY 'normal' cell into X or Y), which means there has to be an equal number of X and Y sperm.

Correct me if I'm wrong. Those biology classes were a long time ago

pointydog · 23/03/2009 19:50

Start seeing babies as individual people, not as girl or boy.

It's such an unpleasant attitude.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Northernlurker · 23/03/2009 19:52

Have a third if you want a third child - and if it's a boy - well there may be daughters in law and granddaughters in your future still!

Peachy · 24/03/2009 11:33

Cote, kloads of reports on research on this out there but all very new- I am talking last 6 months (I pay attention as ASD gene more likely in males IYSWIM). I'm not sure how the mechanism works, tbh. It may be linked to sperm survival rates or a myriad of factors I would guess.

I did have a root through for research but after locating a stupid website saying famillies need father toprevent homosexuality I gave up (FFS). I do know there were threads on this though on here.

Peachy · 24/03/2009 11:46

something here

CoteDAzur · 24/03/2009 14:09

Interesting. That is a statistical analysis of family trees (and not a biological study). It would be interesting to see how strong (or weak?) the correlation is.

Peachy · 24/03/2009 14:54

Gosh cote thanks for pointin thatout, I gained no idea of what research is during the stats elemnt of the psych degree module

Just trying to be helpful!

CoteDAzur · 24/03/2009 18:15

I wasn't saying you didn't notice it's a statistical analysis. No need to get defensive. Sorry I could have worded it better probably, but I have a lot on my mind.

Interesting subject. I would be interested to read more about it if ever you come across anything that tries to explain how/why some men would have more of X or Y sperm.

yomellamoHelly · 24/03/2009 21:30

Have 2 boys and a girl due in 2 weeks. We were stunned to find out it's a girl. Was really into idea of 3 boys. (Had 8 scans now all saying girl, so do believe them! )
I put it down to timing. Dh was away when I ovulated (have been able to tell when since ds1). Thought it would mean I didn't fall pg that month. Would not have been able to hold back from baby dancing if he'd been around. Generations of only boys in both families (I was the first girl in 5.)

JammyK · 25/03/2009 13:18

Boys are great, I love my 2 boys to bits but I wouldn't want any more as 3 would just be too much of a handful. If I could guarantee that if we had another baby it would be a girl then I think we'd be more likely to go for it but as there's about 80% chance it would be another boy we are just sticking with our 2 children. I don't think it's sad when people say they love their boys but don't want anymore. My 2 are particularly boisterous boys and I can't imagine adding another 1 into the mix. Sorry for your losses jellybeans but surely it's up to the indivual isn't it?

malvern · 17/04/2009 10:24

MaybeBaby3

I am in the same position as you. Two boys 3.5 and 1.5. I could not love my boys more but I do have a yearning to have some future female company in the house.

My husband is non to keen on having a third and I am 90% sure I'd like to go for it. I too have huge for friends with baby girls and they don't help much with thoughtless comments such as (ooh two boys that's the one combination I didn't want..!)

Whether No3 were a boy or a girl I honestly believe I would be delighted as it would finally give me closure and I'd accept that my family was complete, whatever it was made up of. (I'd never contemplate more than 3!).

I don't want to spend the rest of my days constantly thinking 'what if' and I don't think that this feeling will go away.

Ideally I'd like to give it a couple of years to see if my feelings change but I'm 35 and hubby 40 so I feel we need to make a decision this year. My biggest fear is that 3-5 years down the line I will always have a regret that we didn't go for it and by then it will be too late for us.

My biggest challenge is trying to persuade my husband to go ahead with it! His view is that he will only produce boys and he can't see how another boy will enhance our lives (we already have two healthy little ones, what could another one add). He said he would see the benefit if we could guarantee it was a girl as he understands that I would like a daughter but the likelihood of that happening is too slim for him to consider it.

We are a very close couple but this is causing a wedge as it's practically the first time we've ever disagreed on something so big. He has said that he would go ahead with it if it was going to cause me a lifetime of unhappiness if we didn't. However I realise this affects both our lives and it can't all be about me - what should I do? I don't want to spend my life in regret but I don't want to do something incredibly selfish.

MrsMattie · 17/04/2009 10:28

I had a boy and then a girl. We weree only ever going to have two children, and difficult pregnancies/births meant we are definitely sticking to that! If my DD had been a boy, I would have stopped there anyway, too, think.

What's the point in having a third unless you really want a another child, boy or girl?

I'm not being mean, btw. I do sympathise. I wholeheartedly admit I was delighted when I had my DD.

MrsMattie · 17/04/2009 10:30

Just wanted to add, our DD was the first girl in DH's family for generations. He is one of three boys, all with sons, and has 6 uncles, all with male children and male grand children. So you never know....

KathrynAustin · 17/04/2009 11:05

DS1 was first boy born in my family in 50 years, I longed for a boy and was thrilled, since then have had DS2. I did hope for a girl with DS2 - but obviously as soon as I saw him those feelings went away and I love having two boys.

I've always wanted 3 children - and would love to have a girl. Like Jammyk my two are very full on and I worry about managing with a third boy.

So, we're going to wait until DS2 is 3 and think about number 3 then. If it is another boy my older two will be more independant (I hope!), and a bit more manageable so I can cope with a third!

We'll be having three because we want 3, not because we're trying for a girl (but I will have my fingers crossed that I'll be buying pink!).

desperatelyseekingsleep · 17/04/2009 14:09

Maybebaby3 I am in exactly the same situation. I have two very demanding boys, who i love to bits, but have always desperately wanted a girl. I am so jealous of friends with one of each. If we had one of each, I would stop at 2 but the temptation to try for another is very great (Im 39 so time is really runnign out). I really envy people who honestly don't mind what the sex of their children is, but I can't help how I feel. Hubby definitely doesn't want a 3rd for a number of reasons, primarily because he knows I'd be "disappointed" if it was a boy. I know these feelings are ungratful and wrong, but that doesn't stop me feeling them...

zipzap · 18/04/2009 00:03

desparately seeking sleep and maybebaby3, I'm exactly like you, I have 2 healthy little boys but yearn for a little girl and time is running out (just turned 40 ).

It never occurred to me when I was growing up or even when I was pregnant first time around that I would have boys - everybody else I knew (and particularly family) has girls. It was so exciting looking through all the baby mags and books and at all the lovely stuff (for little girls) and choosing a shortlist of names (for little girls) - I didn't even realise that I was doing this until I got told it was a little boy at the scan. I literally felt like I had fallen into some weird parallel universe where everything else was the same but nothing was ever going to be the same again, and I still feel like I am there now.

It's made worse by the fact that everybody else I know has at least one girl - I'm the only one that has managed to have 2 boys and I keep finding myself thinking 'why me?'. I then feel even worse to be thinking this because I know I am lucky to have 2 lovely boys.

I desparately want a dd1 and can't stop thinking about it, but having had some serious health problems after ds2 that will have knock on problems for any dc3 I know it is going to take at least a few months before I can do anything about it, if anything at all. and like you, I wonder how I would feel if I got a ds3 - not least how I would cope, as I know if I had 2 DDs I probably wouldn't be contemplating getting pregnant again.

sorry, that's probably not much help but just a bit of a brain dump from someone who has spent much too long mulling this over in long lonely hours of the middle of the night, bf ds2 who is still waking up 3 times a night for feeding at 1yr [very sleep deprived emoticon] - am sure being sleep deprived doesn't help me to look at this completely rationally. but I have been honest despite knowing that I am likely to get shot down by plenty of posters, to them all I can say is remember that I feel horribly guilty about feeling this myself.

good luck and let us know what you are thinking!

zipzap · 18/04/2009 00:12

And on a slightly different note, don't they reckon that the father's occupation can make a difference to the likelihood of boys or girls?

It's a long time since I read about it, but think it is things like jet pilots and divers are likely have more girl babies than would be expected, also smokers also have more girls than would be expected.

It's something to do with environmental factors; blood flow, temperature, vibration, etc all can slightly alter the male:female ratio of the sperm so it is no longer 50:50 but 40:60 (but sorry, can't remember what the figures are, you get the gist).

THere are also some occupations that produce conditions that are more favourable to male sperm, can't remember any of them though!

aGalChangedHerName · 18/04/2009 00:21

I had 2 boys then 2 girls.

I wanted another boy tbh and was very shocked and surprised but my dd's are a joy

Only go for it if you can welcome a boy as much as a girl!!

lovetoloveyoubaby · 18/04/2009 08:44

ladies, google "in gender" there is an entire US web forum dedicated to choosing the sex of your baby! you are not alone

Jojay · 18/04/2009 08:58

Malvern I feel exactly like you.

No magic answers though

Honneybunny · 19/04/2009 10:45

oh, zipzap, i am sure no one would intentionally have a go at you, just for writing how you feel. sounds like much of how you feel is due to the sleep deprivation from your bf ds2. and believe me: i have been there! i am sure you will start feeling better, once things calm down...

i have two lovely boys (now 5.5 and 3.5). the house i(still?) am completely stressed out and exhausted, but overal i love my boys to bits.

sure the thought of how nice it would be to have a girl in the house does cross my mind, so in many ways i feel like you, and maybebaby3, malvern, desparately seeking sleep, and others on this trhead.

BTW, it doesn't help that my MIL is desperate for a dgd, as she always wanted to have a girl herself, so she is pushing me/us for more whenever she can . there's no/less pressure from my family, as my brother is just about to have his 2nd girl, so my parents will have 2 boy and 2 girl dgc. but seriously, we would not let pressure from grandparents drive us to have another dc. both dh and i are quite sure that we want just the two: ds1 and ds2 are such good friends, it would be tough for a 3rd to find a place in our family... maybe esp. if it turned out to be a girl.

one thing to remember is: picture yourself as a teenager, and remember how awful you (probably) were to your mum in particular . And somewhere (long) down the line your boys may start bringing home girlfriends .

Honneybunny · 19/04/2009 10:49

whoops, am not sure what happened with my post there, things got scrambled... what i meant to say was:
the house is messy, noisy, and at times a complete chaos, and i(still?) am completely stressed out and exhausted, but overal i love my boys to bits.

muppety · 19/04/2009 19:10

Zigzag I could have written your post when I had 2 boys. Well we did go for it and here I am with 3 boys. I love ds3 to bits of course but the problem is I am now going through the same questions re number 4. I thought I would feel closure with 3 but I don't sadly. Thats no help to any of you considering it I know but just wanted to say how I feel.

parsley3 · 22/04/2009 19:29

Late poster here but I read the Hazel Chesterman Phillips book after two DS's (who I love just as much as my dd).The boys were conceived on/very close to ovulation ,with DD it was deliberately about 4/5 days before.Of course wanting a 3rd child anyway,no matter what the gender, is the most important thing but I can understand how the OP and others feel in wanting the opposite sex .

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