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Parenting

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Original poster

bad mum?

10 replies

rosiegif · 19/04/2005 16:15

I'm quite new to mumsnet and have never posted a message before, but I am so frustrated today and feeling like a really bad mum. My dd is 2 1/2 and she's driving me mad. Up until recently I thought I was doing a fairly good parenting job..she was well behaved and polite, and lovely to be with. Recently though, she has become stroppy and whiney. She is fiercely independent, and won't let me help her with anything..this often results in her getting frustrated and having a tantrum. She won't let me cuddle her much and always seems cross with me. Where am I going wrong?

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Pinotmum · 19/04/2005 16:16

I think this is the terrible 2's which continue till they leave home I'm told. Does she go to Nursery or Play Group?

Original poster

rosiegif · 19/04/2005 16:18

She goes to a lovely nursery 2 mornings a week. I'm honestly scared to ask them what she is like when she's there...feels like a failure on my part if she's naughty.

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desperatehousewife · 19/04/2005 16:20

god no - not a failure - just totally normal. I bet you any money she is an absolute angel at nursery. My terror 2.8 year old is the perfect child at nursery and devil incarnate at home. It's not you - she's just testing the boundaries. Don't take it personally./

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Pinotmum · 19/04/2005 16:22

If there were issues they would speak to you so I bet she is an angel when she's there. I have a 2.6 yo ds and he gets so frustrated at not being able or allowed to do what he has his mind on. He throws himself on the floor and cries and 2 mins later he's all smiles again and I wonder if I imagined it . They are just finding their independance and are on track minded at this age. Just try to distract her onto other things if she's a danger to herself. Is she a good talker? My ds is quite good now and saying what he wants/needs so it's getting a little easier.

Original poster

rosiegif · 19/04/2005 16:27

She is a fantastic talker...so much so that she can argue with me over everything!! I try to be really calm with her, but she now knows all the right buttons to press to wind me up. Do you think she will come through this OK then? I just don't want her to grow up into a horrible child and am worried I'm doing something wrong.

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ivy3 · 19/04/2005 16:30

I think she is completely normal - as difficult as it is to deal with. My dd is 3 1/2 and tries to be very independent, she gets very frustrated when she can manage to do something or doesn't it get her own way. She is just pushing boundries. It drive me mad sometimes. Distraction is good if you can manage it. If there is anything positive to say about it I think you probably have a very strong and independent dd which can only be a good thing as she grows up.

Also in my (limited) experience girls seem to be worse in this kind of way?

ivy3 · 19/04/2005 16:30

Also in my (limited) experience girls seem to be worse in this kind of way?

Pinotmum · 19/04/2005 16:35

She sounds like she will be a confident, go getter . Just introduce the boundaries and stick with them. Now can someone help me with my 4.6 yo, geez!!

slug · 19/04/2005 18:11

Try offering her a limited selection of choices e.g. 'Do you want to wear the green trousers or the blue trousers today' Giving her an illusion of some control over her life may make those drives to be independant easier to handle (although you probably already doing that already). At one point we had three different toothbrushes in an effort to distract from the toothbrush wars.

On the subject of her behaviour at nursery you will probably find she is a different girl to the one you see at home. I remember warning the sluglet's nursery teacher one day that she was in a vile tantruming mood, only to be met with a blank look, she apparantly is always sunny and happy there. I think she stores up those bad moods and only lets them out at home.

Original poster

rosiegif · 20/04/2005 19:53

Thanks for all your supportive messages. I've had a much beter day today because I was determined that dd wasn't going to wind me up. She did try a bit, but she soon realised that I was in a better frame of mind and gave up pretty easily.
Thanks for yesterday though..a bit of reassurance was just what I needed. Hope you'll be there next time I have an 'I'm a bad mum' crisis.

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