Ds 4 in June, but is wetting himself every day! Want to run away from it all.....

[Toothache]

Ds is 4 in June. Potty training was going okay, he was dry most days with the odd accident here and there. Still wet at night, but I know from other threads not to worry about that too much yet.

However, for the past 2 or 3 months now he has had an accident every single day. Sometimes pee sometimes poo most days it's both!! He knows he's doing it, he's embarassed afterwards, but after having a good chat with him and him being very keen to be a 'big boy' he will do it again an hour later. 80% of the time he goes to the toilet fine, but still its every day. Twice yesterday at Nursery he wet himself. I find him sometimes standing playing and is clearly doing a poo.... not the whole poo btw (tmi I know!!) just a bit of it. Then a while later he'll ask to go to the toilet to do the rest of his poo.... that's usually when we discover the mess in his pants.

He is such a sweet boy and he is quite embarassed. It breaks my heart to see him like this. We have tried ignoring it and playing it down, we've tried lots of praise and stickers when he uses the toilet, now I just seem to be shouting at him for it. It's very tiring when he does this numerous times a day. Nursery have started pointed it out to me as well..... they clearly think there is something going on at home that's causing this. But nothing has changed. Dd is nearly 9mths old so it can't be the new baby!

I am at a loss and I'm so down about this. What can we do to help him?

Ds had a setback like this, about a year after he was toilet trained (he will be 4 in July) - it mainly happened at nursery, and we eventually worked out it was because he didn't want to stop playing to go to the loo. We had a series of talks with him, about how he could ask a 'teacher' to hold his toy whilst he went to stop another child running off with hit, and how toys at home would still be there when he came back (videos can be paused etc.)
Also tried not to make any fuss about wet pants but a tremendous fuss if he was dry for a day (bought some mini-lego boxes for less than a quid each and he gets one every friday if he's been dry all week.

The combination of approaches has worked for us - apologies if you've already tried them.

Good luck - it's so infuriating when you know they can be dry but they just aren't!

Thanks bluebear - I've talked to him so many times about this that I'm dubious about whether it'll make any difference. When I speak to him he so sure he is a big boy and he understands that Buzz Lightyear (fave toy!) doesn't wet himself and that he should always ask to go to the toilet if he needs a hand. I mostly he does. His little face when he's telling me he's had an accident is breaking my heart.

ds did this from about 3 1/4 to 3 3/4. We now think he may have had a physical development issue over it (he has motor skill issues) as well as upste from mving, baby , new preschool and routine changes etc but it did suddenly disappear and at 4 he was dry day and night. He hasn't always been great at anticipating his needs though and has had occasional accidents subsequently due to this.

dd still has accidents (she's 4 in August) usually when tired or upset but she does respond to a sticker chart if it becomes a habit.

LIZS - I hope it is just a phase that will pass soon.
I can't believe how much it upsets me to see him like this.

I know what you mean . dd will say "Mummy, you aren't cross with me ?" and I try so hard not to show disappointment but when I've only just suggested she goes 5 minutes before and then says no, only to have an accident it is very difficult.

Lizs - Oh yes, just like ds.

My dd was like this and in the end we took her to GP who referred her to paed. at hospital. Seems she had been constipated at some point and there was a blockage higher up in her bowel. Hospital said it was quite common but it meant that she was so uncomfortable when she needed a poo that she held on to it until she couldn't any longer, so soiling. The softer stuff moves around the blockage but messes up the normal bowel function. She was put on a high dose of Movicol to clear the blockage and now she is on a maintenance dose until normal bowel function is restored. Don't know how long that will take, it's not happened yet and it could take a long time. Dd is now 5.
Might not be relevent to you but just something to think about.
I sympathise with you though, it's awful having to keep changing soiled underwear and very frustrating and upsetting for you and your child.

DH just phoned (he's at home with the kids today). Ds have pooed 4 times today on the floor/his bedsheets! Just one little poo each time, after each time DH sat him on the toilet and he would say I don't need anymore....

He's also wet the floor too. I'm getting really worried about him now. I actually feel quite panicky about it! Is that normal?

Thanks Juuule, I hadn't thought of anything like that. Perhaps I need to make an appointment for him.

Should say that after the 4th little poo he sat on the pan (4th time DH had sat him there) and he did a proper full and normal poo. I'm sorry about TMI.

Toothache my DS1 still has difficulties with using the loo (he'll be six in July).

As far as weeing is concerned, we just about seem to have got that under control again now, but for a while last autumn, every time I collected him from school he had damp trousers and pants. He is kind of not very in touch with his own body, iykwim, and he was just putting off going and putting off going - and then having an accident. The only solution seemed to be to keep reminding him about going to the loo - and we got his class teacher to up the level of reminders too (to the whole class, she didn't just single him out) and that seems to have worked. So I think at least for a while you could try reminding him often (and being quite persistent) about using teh loo, and ask nursery to do the same.

Poo - well, DS1 still won't do one anywhere else but at home. After lots of incidents of soiled pants at school, we now just make sure that he goes before school - he's in a routine now and it's not too difficult - I know thath sounds very controlling but it's not as bad as dealing with pooey pants - and we were worried that he'd become a laughing stock at school.

I do agree with juuule - make sure he's not got some longstanding constipationi problem - this was my DS1's problem a couple of years ago and he used to poo his pants - just a little bit at a tiem - five or six times a day. It was a nightmare!

Not tmi at all! That's what potty training is like. My ds after doing SO well had a major relapse about three weeks after dd was born and we had to put him back in nappies. It was disappointing but we just thought, either we all get horribly stressed and shouty or we accept this is happening and it won't last forever. I did get pretty shouty before I saw sense though
My ds sounds very like yours LIZS - motor issues, real trouble anticipating etc etc, but he is now trying again and doing much better. We still have to anticipate it for him by putting him on the loo/potty all the time - feel quite jealous of those of you whose kids either tell you they need the loo or -bliss - just hop off and do it!
He does have accidents - usually when he is very excited or absorbed by an activity. We really, really, really try not to make a big deal of it. For us, just having him in pants is a huge step forward and I try to be patient, which for a not-very-patient person is v hard. And I do sympathise with how tiring, horrid and frustrating it is.
Ds is also v anxious that we shouldn't be cross with him.

Thanks folks. The reminder method is good. Ds can be dancing about the living room, but doesn't actually go to the toilet until we notice and ask him if he needs to go!! Then he sometimes has an accident going up the stairs. That I can handle, but sitting on his bed watching a video and just doing a poo!... you're right it's very frustrating. I'm off with him tomorrow so we'll see how it goes then.
I had thought of putting nappies back on him, but he was horrified. I've got to keep reminding myself that kids don't have the same logic as adults.

our dd has been doing this very thing recently toothache, having been pretty well toilet trained fsince lasy August.About 4 weeks ago she decided to hold onto some poo and not use the toilet and thereafter was having poo and wee accidents quite frequently, but with no consistency....some times she seems fine for a few days then other times she will have 3 accidents in a single day. She also contracted urinary tract infection due to some poo in her pants which got into her bits poor thing, so last week she was on antibiotics which - a bitter irony - gave her a bit if a runny bottom!She has been good for a few days but did a bit of poo in her pants this morning, ran into tell me while I was in the bath. We are currently useing a star chart which works but isn't fool proof - it's as if she weighs up whether she actually wants a star or not sometimes.I am having a baby in 2/3 weeks so perhaps that is the root cause of it all but dno't know for sure.It is a bloody long haul though so all sympathy to you and anyone else in the same boat.

i have a 4 year old who will be starting school in sept who still wees and poos himself most days and i don't know what to do.he very rarely tells me he needs the toilet and he is quite happy to carry on playing with wet or soiled pants so if anybody can help me please do

poor you wessy....people keep telling me ' she'll grow out of it' but it doesn't always help! no advice but commiserations.

Toothache I know that you will resolve this this - I mean he isn't going to start university and still be doing this.
Bluebear I love that you worked out the logic behind the wetting, children are so sweet when you actually find out why they are doing something that seems frustrating or preposterous to us.
It reminds me of when I was two or three, refusing to be bathed at my auntie's house (scream). The logic was that I didn't like bubblebath (which she used), because I was worried that I wouldn't be able to keep an eye on the plug, and it might come out, and of course I would be sucked down it.