Feel miserable after going to my nct group

[ipanemagirl]

All the mothers except me are going back to work fairly soon (babies are around 6/7 months) And they were all saying " I couldn't imagine being a full time mother, so boring, all the cleaning, no status etc etc etc what a nightmare...".
Everyone of course entitled to their opinion but I just felt hurt that my role was so vigorously derided in front of me! I didn't really know what to say. I've found it very hard at times being a SAHM, and would have gone back to work if I'd had a staff job but I was a freelancer and my work was not remotely family friendly. I'm sure they didn't mean to put me down personally I just feel down about it.

tactless cows.. honestly.

Sure they didn't mean to hurt your feelings, but christ, are they all brain dead?

Some people can be rude to your face without even realising it.

Smile serenely at them

thnx, Sheeta, I am feeling sorry for myself I know! We were talking about it generally and I had said that I think it is hard being a SAHM so maybe I invited the chorus of negativity. I did counter with what I do believe which is both positions have gains and losses. And also most people don't have a massive amount of choice about what they do do they?
But I don't regret being with my ds full time all things considered, pros and cons and all.

That is the right approach!

I think it is my achilles heel though the statusless role and the lack of any social clout somehow. So when a roomful of people acknowledge it it just feels very 'ouch!"

My (childless) friend was banging on last night about how she thought being at home with children was the worst thing in the world and thought I was a right numpty for staying at home so long. Although she did point out that it is the wrong time for me to apply for a job as there are so many SKILLED people out there looking for work I'd be unlikely to get a decent job.

i am same as you ipanema. dd now one year old, i was freelance no way i could have worked really... i would find it hard to hear people talk about lack of status. but i reckon they would have to talk about it for ages before it superceeded the joy of not commuting.

i have sat through these conversations before and cringed to myself. im a sahm to a 20 month old, everyone knows i am, but they say how boring it would be and how terrible to have no money and no career. it has made me sad at the time but i stand by my choice to be a sahm and i love it.

nct say no more!!

you just happen to be the one who isn't going back. enjoy it!!!! some poeple are so tactless.

I was gob smacked. Altghough when she repeated " I could never do it" I did reply "Well yes it's not a job for the self absorbed"

You have all cheered me up! Thanks! I'm glad I posted, I love mumsnet.

I do have loads of friends it's just my ds is big and at school and I now have a new baby so it's been a long time since I did the mother and toddler thing and I'm at the moment not relishing that side of having another baby, the whole other mother thing... you know what I mean?! And you're right about status... it's just connortraceptive that exact thought is scaring me at the moment, I wonder if I'll ever be able to work again!

a lot of groups brought me down so not the point of toddler/nct groups but hey. I tried a couple more till I found one with women who didnt make me feel like slitting my own throat

People seem to have very strong opinions on this one don't they - the thing that hurts me is when WOHMs say they would be bored as a SAHM because I infer (though they may not mean) that as I am not bored it must say something about me. What I have concluded after several years of being a SAHM and having comments made, is that you just have to do what's right for you and hold your head up. There are def many pros and cons of being SAHM or WOHM and inevitably some things will be better about one or the other.

yeah, I think I maybe should stop doing this group, they're all first timers and younger than me and it's different the first time isn't it? You really need to have that kind of support.
And I really do believe that there are huge pros and cons for whatever choices we make or have made for us but I try to be careful not to deride another woman for her choice!

I must admit I've never had these comments from anyone else. Actually the opinions that count are mine and DH's. As long as YOU see the value in what you do then that's all that matters.

good points well made! thanks

I think that this time when people are getting ready to get back to work is pretty hard because it is such a big choice with lots of implications on both sides, so people do tend to be quite 'strong' expressing opinions which reaffirm their choices imo

I have been a SAHM for nearly 4 yrs with a brief period of employment when dd was 1, all in all I am happy with the choices I have made but it is not all great of course

over time I have felt that I get along just fine with both SAHM and WOHM and that is not the main criteria for being friends

and btw I loathe baby toddler groups just not my thing at all

Yes they are being tactless, but it is a very hard decision to make whether you are going back to work or being a SAHM and there are some very horrible cons to both.

Whatever you choose (and for some it is more of a 'choice' than for others) for your own sanity you are going to have believe yourself that it is the best decision for you and family. No woman I know chooses lightly and I think it is natural to seek out positive affirmation of your decision. It is just a shame that there is no-one in the same boat as you to do this with, but don't take it personally.

Well it think it sounds like sour grapes to me. Nothing wrong with being a SAHM I'm sure you will find lots of like minded people soon.

Don't let them get you down.